What it Takes to Come Alive
by Rhino7
Summary: Another collection of ditties, this time about the Restoration Committee. We're all morons when we think no one's watching. NO LONGER TAKING PROMPTS
1. What Do Tigers Dream Of?

**What it Takes to Come Alive**

**By Rhino7**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, its characters or storyline. These ditties are mine, as is Jake Alms, who makes a small cameo in this pilot chapter. For anyone who's read my previous ditty collections (**_**Good Enough for Me**_** and **_**These Lines of Lightning**_**) this collection will follow the same format.**

**This series will revolve around the Restoration Committee and Radiant Garden in general. After writing a lot of darker and angsty stories, I'm taking a break for more humor with this. The purpose of this fic is mostly friendship, but some pairings may sneak in there if prompted. While I lean toward LeonxTifa and CloudxAerith, I'm not opposed to other pairings. But I do not write yaoi or yuri.**

**The title of this fic comes from a line from Rihanna's song "We Found Love". I rarely listen to radio, but recently this song has been following me around, so I drew from it. No ownership or affiliation!**

**Enjoy!**

**..:-X-:..**

**001 – What Do Tigers Dream of?**

Dawn broke bright and vengeful over Radiant Garden. With the fall of Organization XIII and the restoration of the worlds, the Restoration Committee had deemed the night ripe for a celebratory party.

Well, Yuffie and Aerith had done most of the deeming, Leon and Cid had done most of the lukewarm heavy lifting, leaving Merlin to getting the word out to everybody in town. Tifa had gotten roped into mixing drinks for the party.

So…basically this was Tifa's fault.

Aerith was the first to wake up the morning after the party, blinking in the sunlight that was pouring through the open windows of Merlin's house. She was lying on her stomach on the battered little couch, with a perfect view of the pyramid of red plastic cups stacked on the coffee table.

With a groan, she pushed herself up into a sitting position, assessing the devastation to the headquarters of the Restoration Committee. As soon as she lowered her feet to the floor, the floor grunted and rolled away from her. She yelped and lifted her feet, looking down.

"Yuffie?" She muttered hoarsely, rubbing her head and finding that her hair was matted and stiff on one side of her skull.

The young ninja also pushed herself up and blinked owlishly at Aerith. She squinted one eye. "What time is it?"

Aerith gingerly got up, looking toward the clock on the wall. "Nearly ten in the morning."

"What HAPPENED last night?" Yuffie held her head with both hands, standing up just long enough to sit back down on the couch that Aerith had vacated.

"Um…" Aerith glanced around again. "…I'm a little afraid to find out."

There was a game of Monopoly set up on the table, a mess of playing cards splashed across the coffee table. Cans of spray paint were piled up near the trash can, and there was a full sized canoe in the hallway.

Aerith stepped over the canoe and into the back kitchen area, where the first thing she saw was a pile of strangers asleep on the floor…mostly women. Not recognizing any of them, she noted the beer pong set up on the kitchen table, along with the alphabet magnets arranged on the fridge to spell 'key in ice'…whatever that meant.

Moving out of the kitchen, she went upstairs and looked in the guest bedroom, only to jump back with a yelp of surprise. There was Cloud, sitting on the floor, one wrist handcuffed to the tire spokes of Fenrir…which was parked in the middle of the room. Cloud's head was tilted back, dead asleep, and snoring like a banshee with his mouth hanging open. Gawking, Aerith walked into the room and kicked one of Cloud's boots. He snorted and jerked back to awakeness, blinking in rapid succession before looking at her.

"Aerith?" He grunted, pausing when he found his wrist shackled. Looking back, his eyes widened at Fenrir. "How did—" He looked back to her. "This is the second floor, right?"

Aerith put her hands on her hips, "Care to explain?"

Cloud rubbed his eyes with his free hand. "The…last thing I remember is Tifa's flaming dragon drinks…Did we all drink those?"

Aerith grimaced, "My hangover says yes." She touched her head again.

Cloud jiggled his wrist again and looked at the handcuff. "Then how did I end up—"

"You were babbling like an idiot about someone stealing your precious bike." Came a muddled voice from the bed in the room.

Both Aerith and Cloud looked over to see Tifa dragging herself out from under the blankets. She was wearing a brown fur coat and massive purple stiletto heels and—

"Is that my dress?" Aerith stared at the pink under Tifa's coat.

Tifa looked down at herself and then at Aerith before back to Cloud. "—So I just handcuffed you to the thing to shut you up."

Aerith looked down at herself and found that she was wearing Tifa's black outfit. How had she not noticed THAT until now? She found the mirror and looked at it. There was a long streak of dark blue in her hair, and—

"Where are my eyebrows?" She shrieked.

Both Cloud and Tifa groaned with the alcohol-headache at her raised voice.

"And where are the keys to these?" Cloud snapped.

"I gave the key to Leon." Tifa replied, looking to Aerith. "Oh crap, you don't have eyebrows."

Aerith stared at her reflection in horror. "What happened to me?"

Cloud pointed at her. "That's right. You drank the flaming dragon. Then, after—that happened, none of the rest of us tried it."

Mortified tears hit Aerith's eyes, and Tifa climbed out of bed.

"Sorry about that…I'll go find Leon to get the keys." She staggered past.

Aerith heard her trip on something in the hallway, followed by: "Where did this canoe come from?"

With a sigh, Aerith left Cloud where he was and went to the bathroom. She splashed water on her face and brushed her teeth to get rid of the aftertaste in her mouth. As she surveyed the damage to her eyebrows in the mirror, she saw the reflection of the wall behind her, where a paintball gun had been mounted.

"I hate parties." Yuffie was stuffing ice from the freezer in a bag to put on her head when Aerith came back downstairs. "I barely remember what happened last night…"

"I remember everything." A voice stated.

Both Aerith and Yuffie looked up and shrieked, jumping back. A grown man had been duct taped to the ceiling, staring down at them.

"Jake?" Yuffie stomped her feet.

The pile of women across the room stirred, waking at the loud noises.

Jake, on the ceiling, chuckled. "It's not a bad view up here."

"How did you get up there?" Aerith tilted her head.

"That Merlin pinned me up here with his magic and then you and Cloud decided to tape me up here." He said pointedly to Aerith.

"ME?" Aerith asked, shocked.

Yuffie snorted. "That is awesome, Aerith."

"That is NOT awesome. Get a ladder so we can get him down." Aerith said.

Yuffie pursed her lips pensively. "I dunno. I think we should let him hang out for a while."

"Ha ha frickity ha." Jake remarked. "Seriously, cut me down."

Yuffie shrugged, "A'right."

She reached behind the fridge and pulled out the Gunblade, swinging it up and slicing through the duct tape at his sides. With a tearing noise and a yelp, Jake flopped from the ceiling to the floor.

"The Hell's all this noise about?" Cid grumbled, sitting up from under the woman pile.

"Yuffie, how did you know that was there?" Aerith pointed at the Gunblade and the fridge.

"Duh, because I hid it there." Yuffie replied.

Tifa walked back into the kitchen. "Guys, I can't find Leon."

Cid got to his feet, "Passed out on the bathroom floor?"

Aerith shook her head, "I just came from there."

"Duct taped to any ceilings?" Cid suggested.

"No." Yuffie snickered.

Tifa glanced sideways at the fridge, read the magnetic alphabet message, and popped open the freezer, digging through the ice box before producing a block of ice with a silver key inside.

"Ah ha." She said, picking up the ice pick and attacking the block in the sink to get to the key.

The group heard the front door of the house open and they all exchanged looks. While Tifa continued to bust through the ice block and Cid disentangled himself from the half conscious women, Aerith and Yuffie stepped out into the living room. Merlin was just re-entering the house, wearing an 'I'm with stupid' t-shirt over his robes.

"Merlin!" Yuffie maneuvered around the cups, board games, and other passed-out partiers to reach the old sorcerer. "Where have you been? Have you seen Squall?"

"I went out to escape this alcoholic smog that you all brought into my house." Merlin tutted disapprovingly.

"Hey, Tifa brought into the house." Yuffie corrected.

Aerith sighed, "We can't find Leon."

Merlin blinked, "Last I saw, he was in the study."

Aerith immediately walked toward the door to the study room and opened it. Sure enough, there, sitting in another canoe, was Leon, legs crossed and puffing on a tobacco pipe. There was a cowboy hat on his head and he was wearing a monocle.

"Leon?" She asked gently.

He looked at her from under the brim of his hat and then straightened, a creepy smile sneaking across his lips. "Goooood morning." He chirped.

Aerith put her hands on her hips. "What are you doing in here?"

He snorted. "Being awesome. Why are you wearing Tifa's clothes?" He snorted again. "Heh, that's a funny word…clothes…"

Tifa popped into the doorway, "Oh, you found him. Good."

Leon tipped his hat to her and made a finger-gun with his left hand, pointing it at the ceiling and muttering: "Pew, pew, pew."

"What's wrong with him?" Tifa giggled.

Aerith sighed, "I think he's still drunk."

"You're still drunk." Leon snapped back and abruptly climbed out of the canoe, stumbling and nearly wiping out on the desk.

He ended up just knocking a few metal trinkets from the desk to the floor. The noise made both women cringe. Tifa touched her head.

"Lucky bastard." She frowned, "And where did THIS canoe come from?"

"Hey!" Leon lifted his hands up in the air, like a human field goal. "Tifa's here!"

Aerith groaned, holding her head. "No more yelling." She looked to Tifa. "Is everybody accounted for?"

"Yeah…Jake went home, and Cid is making sure all of those women he woke up with were of age…" Tifa shuddered.

They left the study, making sure Leon didn't trip on himself as they did so. Returning to the living room, they found Merlin mixing a batch of strong coffee and Cid closing the door after the last of hungover party-goers.

"Whew." Cid smirked at the rest of them. "Helluva night."

"Is that a hickey on your neck?" Yuffie pointed, looking disgusted.

Merlin handed Cid and Tifa the first cups of coffee, pouring more for the others. Aerith took one and sank back into the couch, nudging the clutter from the coffee table to the floor so she could prop her feet up on it.

"Let's never have a party ever again." She moaned.

"Party." Leon gave a weak little whoop, flopping into the seat next to her.

Tifa snorted and took the cowboy hat from his head, setting it on her own with a snort. Yuffie chuckled and took her own cup of the steamy, sobering liquid. Aerith patted Leon's knee.

"Go to sleep, honey." She urged.

Leon made a low giggle in his throat. "M'kay." And he promptly swung his legs up onto the couch and laid down in her lap.

"Oh…okay." Aerith looked to Tifa for help.

Tifa just tipped her hat to her and sat in the recliner, working on her coffee. Yuffie had plopped down on the floor next to the recliner, while Cid sat at the table and Merlin worked on another batch of coffee. The living room fell quiet as they all sat stewing in their hangovers and sensitive ears, being slowly resurrected by the coffee.

Aerith made herself comfortable, which wasn't hard, considering that Merlin's couch was like a deep sleeping bag and Leon was like a hot water bottle with a pulse. Merlin magicked the litter in the living room so that it began to march itself into the trash can. Tifa watched the procession with amusement and Yuffie lifted her feet so that a trapped napkin wad could roll past her in the little garbage conga line to the trash can.

Cid lit a cigarette to accompany his coffee and exhaled smoke, ignoring Merlin's disapproving look. Aerith normally disapproved of his smoking indoors too, but since she couldn't remember what he had gotten into last night, she let him be. She could barely remember what SHE had gotten into last night. Or why she and Tifa had switched clothes.

Stupid Tifa with her stupid flaming dragon drinks…

"ISN'T SOMEBODY GOING TO COME UP HERE AND LET ME GO?" Cloud yelled from upstairs.

**..:-X-:..**

**A/N:** The title of 001 comes from Stu's song in The Hangover movie. It seemed fitting.

Constructive feedback is always welcome and appreciated!

This collection will run mostly on requests and prompts, so if there is anything that you want to read, feel free to submit it in a review!


	2. Ship of Dreams

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, its characters or storyline. This collection of ditties is mine, as is Jake.

So this took way longer to write than it should have. I knew almost from the get-go where I wanted to go with this prompt, but I went through nearly five or six different plot ideas before settling on this one. Then I decided to wait a few days to post it for timing's sake-April 15th. No other postings on this collection will take as long as this one, promise. I have no ownership or affiliation with the movie referenced throughout this ditty.

**..:-X-:..**

**002 – Ship of Dreams**

(For BeastWithinProductions; Prompt: 'referencing movies')

"—_if she had lived, she'd be over a hundred by now!"_

"_Hundred and one next month."_

"_Okay…so she's a very OLD god-damned liar!"_

"Oh for Christ's sake."

The yelled conversation jerked Cloud out of the doze that he hadn't realized he'd fallen into. For a wild second, he couldn't remember where he was or why he felt so uncomfortable, but quickly remembered. He had come back to Merlin's house after cutting his round of patrols short…It was hard to keep an eye on the perimeter when your vision kept slurring.

He hadn't been feeling one hundred percent since that morning, but he had tried to shake it off and make it through the day. Well, clearly that effort had failed, as he forced open one eye to find himself horizontal on Merlin's couch, a bright sunny day out on the ocean depicted on the widescreen television in front of him. Aerith was sitting on the adjacent couch. Her body was aimed toward the screen, but she was looking behind her into the kitchen, where, by the smell of cigarettes, Cid was. Cloud guessed that's where the 'oh for Christ's sake' came from, as the two characters on the television screen were still arguing about some lady's age.

"What?" Aerith questioned Cid, who was out of Cloud's line of view.

"Don't 'what' me." Cid grumbled. "Remember what happened last time you popped that movie in?"

"If I recall correctly, you cried." Aerith flashed that cheeky grin of hers.

Cid snorted. "I think you have me confused with Leon...And you bawled like a toddler."

Aerith looked unashamed. "It's a beautiful story."

"It's not even to the ship yet and Cloud's already bored into a coma." Cid snarked.

"Am not." Cloud mumbled, frowning at the hoarseness that had overtaken his voice.

Aerith looked at him softly. "Hey. How are you feeling?"

Oh no, her Puppy Eyes were in full force. Did he really look that bad?

"M'fine." He said thickly, trying to find the ambition to get up from the couch.

"You have a fever." Aerith countered. "And you barely moved when Leon threw a book on you."

Cloud blinked and looked down to see that one of Merlin's thicker spellbooks had been dropped on his legs. "And…why…did he throw a book on me?"

"To see if you were alive." Aerith answered.

And with anyone else, that wouldn't have been a valid answer, but with Leon, it was downright reasonable.

With a grunt, Cloud started to push himself up. He could feel indentations from the couch's upholstery on his bare arm and the side of his face, and it made him grimace. How long had he been there?

"You just lay yourself back down and get comfy." Aerith stood, straightening her dress. "You're sick; so you need to rest up."

Cloud ignored that and sat up anyway. The rest of the room moved, as did the blurry image of a sunken ship on the screen. He must have teetered a little, because Aerith's eyes widened.

"What did I just say?" She huffed.

"I'm fine." He managed to garble out. His throat punished him for his effort.

"You're pale and you look dazed."

"Doesn't he always look like that?" Cid snorted.

Cloud tried to glare at the man, but at this point, he doubted its effectiveness. Aerith paused the movie and went into the kitchen.

"Aerith—hey—I'm not sick—" Cloud tried to convince her.

Cid shrugged, "Too late, kiddo. Mother Hen Mode has been activated. All you can do now is sit back and take it like a man."

Cloud groaned and slumped back to his previous position across the couch.

"There ya go." Cid said snidely. "And good luck trying to convince her to take the estrogen explosion off the TV."

"I'm going to make you some soup." Aerith chirped from the kitchen.

"And with that, I'm out." Cid raised his hands, as though in surrender, and left the living room.

Feeling embarrassed and hating being coddled, Cloud could do little but fume on the couch, as the rest of his body had decided that movement was highly discouraged. He glared at the screen. He recognized the movie immediately, but he had never seen it in its entirety. As his eyelids began to droop, it looked like that streak wasn't going to be broken today.

**..:-X-:..**

"_You're crazy."_

"_That's what everybody says, but with all due respect, miss…I'm not the one hanging off the end of a ship here…I guess I'm kinda hoping you'll come back over…and let me off the hook here."_

There were a few chords of soft music before a dramatic turn and a sudden outbreak of a woman screaming for help.

It was enough to jostle Cloud again from the impromptu nap and open one eye. His eyelids felt sticky and his throat felt worse. His body felt heavy and he could only hear out of one ear, but the night scene on the television was less offensive to his light-sensitive eyes than the earlier sunny scene that he'd woken up to.

And…as before…Aerith was curled up on the adjacent couch, hugging a pillow, eyes glued to the screen. Then he remembered: waking up on Merlin's couch, feeling crappy, the movie, Cid, Mother Hen Mode.

His throat clenched suddenly and he coughed, unable to stifle it. The motion jarred his sore muscles and ricocheted down his spine. That put him back in Aerith's crosshairs, and she looked over at him.

"Hello again." She smiled. "Feeling any—"

"Shh!" Yuffie announced her presence, where she was sitting on the floor in front of the recliner, staring at the movie scene, where some men—supposedly cops or some kind of authority—were clapping handcuffs on another man.

"—better?" Aerith whispered the end of her sentence.

Cloud started to nod, but the world nodded with him, so he guessed that was a lie. He settled for lifting one shoulder in a shrug. "How long was I asleep this time?"

"About an hour." She replied.

"Shh!" Yuffie hissed.

"_Women and machinery do not mix!"_

"Oh screw you, buddy!" Yuffie shook a fist at the screen.

After that, the scene lapsed into more dialogue and Cloud fell back asleep without realizing it.

**..:-X-:..**

_Utter silence, followed by…_

_CRASH! SCREEEEEE! THUD, THUD, THUD! SWOOSH!_

Cloud physically jumped from his sleep at that, his hand involuntarily reaching for his weapon, which he didn't have at the moment. His stunned reaction got a snort from Tifa, who was perched in the recliner on his right. Aerith looked over at him in concern. Yuffie was oblivious, hugging her knees to herself as she stared at the scene on the TV with wide eyes. From what Cloud's muddled mind could register, water was gushing through broken steel and flooding several rooms. A grey-white mass bobbed past the scene of the two people on the deck of the boat.

"Easy, Sparky." Tifa chuckled.

"EASY?" Yuffie jerked her head around for a split second. "They nearly hit that thing HEAD ON. Everybody almost DIED!"

Both Tifa and Aerith looked at her for a tragic moment and Tifa canted her head. "Have you ever SEEN this movie?"

Yuffie's eyes widened. "No…why? Shut up! Don't tell me!" She spun back around to watching the scene.

Tifa quirked an eyebrow at Aerith, who grimaced and looked to Cloud. "You were out for a while that time."

I would actually be able to get some sleep if you weren't watching some movie about…water and explosions and people yelling, Cloud mentally grumbled. His head felt heavier and it felt like his limbs had been packed full of sand. The fever that he'd denied earlier was harder to deny now, as he felt chilly and hot at the same time.

God, being sick was annoying.

Not that he was sick.

"Do you need anything? I started to make soup, but you fell asleep. And you look worse, sorry. Maybe a—" Aerith started.

Tifa waved her off. "Let him sleep. It's just getting good."

Cloud glared at her.

Tifa pointed, "The movie, not your illness, ya imp."

**..:-X-:..**

Cloud didn't know much about boats, but he knew the position of the ship on the screen was wrong. It was almost completely perpendicular to the ocean surface, and the angle was steadily increasing. This time, he wasn't sure when he'd woken up…or if he'd fallen asleep at all, but it felt like he had been actively paying attention to the movie for a while now.

He could hear sniffling. For a while moment, he thought that it was him, as his nose was starting to betray him too, but a slide of the eyes revealed Aerith, still hugging the pillow, tears shamelessly breaking free from her eyes. Yuffie was still entranced from her spot on the floor. Tifa was still in the recliner, but she'd grabbed a blanket and was more somber than she had been earlier.

This time, Cloud was smart enough to keep the others unaware of his being awake, preferring to enjoy the silence as they left him alone and focused on the movie.

A man sudden plummeted from the top part of the ship, falling briefly before nailing one of the propellers. All four of them in the living room shuddered as the character spun the rest of the way to the water.

**..:-X-:..**

Somewhere between Propeller Guy and the ship breaking in half, Cloud must have dozed off again, because when he next opened his eyes, the entire ship was gone. He wasn't exactly sure what was going on, but Aerith and Yuffie were both sobbing on the floor. Tifa's eyes were moist by the light of the screen—since he now noticed that the living room lights had been turned off—but she wasn't actively crying.

The sloshing water on the screen made his stomach roll and he closed his eyes, not caring for this movie at all anymore.

**..:-X-:..**

When Cloud braved opening his eyes a while later, the ship was back. Wait…huh? He blinked, looking at the large ship on the screen…but that didn't make…

Some dialogue came from the screen, but his brain felt too muddled to bother deciphering it. It felt like things were winding down, in the movie at least. The girls in the room with him were no longer sobbing—thank God—but it was eerily quiet in the living room. A hiccup sounded somewhere behind the couch, but Cloud couldn't be bothered by it.

Over the next few minutes, the ending of the movie fluttered by in a haze, and then the end credits started to roll with a song…of course.

"Wait a minute!" Yuffie barked, breaking the silence that had engulfed the audience.

Tifa twitched on the recliner and Cloud noted that her eyes were closed. It looked like she'd dozed off a while ago. Aerith looked at Yuffie and shushed her.

"No!" Yuffie climbed up to her knees. "THAT's the ending? That's horrible!"

"Yuffie—"

"Is she dead or not?"

"What?"

"That…weird…fade away thing…Does that mean she died…like Jack told her to…and that thing at the staircase was a reunion? Or is she just dreaming?" Yuffie fumed.

Her voice grated on Cloud's ears and he grimaced, raising a heavy hand to rub his neck.

"Yuffie, hush." Aerith chided.

"Too late." Cloud rasped, shifting on the couch.

"Cloud!" Yuffie barked, and he winced again. "What do you think? Dead or dream?"

"What does it matt—"

"Clearly she died!" came a tragic outcry from behind the couch.

Cloud, Aerith, and Yuffie all twisted their necks to look back there. A light was flipped on and all of them hissed and rubbed their eyes. The light revealed Jake Alms, sitting at the table, tears shamelessly pouring down his cheeks.

"Jake? How long have you been back there?" Aerith asked.

"Since Jack declared himself king of the world." Jake choked, clearly still emotional from the story of the movie. He saw Cloud lift an eyebrow at him. "DON'T JUDGE ME!"

Yuffie recovered first. "So she died?"

"It's an open ending." Aerith attempted to say. "You're supposed to make your own interpretation."

"She died." Jake stood dramatically. "She did all those things that they talked about. She lived the dream! She had a full life and died an old lady, warm in her bed! And they were reunited together in the end!" He shook a righteous fist.

Yuffie looked unimpressed. "But…she got married and had a family after the whole…sinking…Shouldn't she be spending the afterlife with her HUSBAND?"

"Silence, you enemy of love!" Jake pointed melodramatically at her.

Cloud groaned and stood, peeling himself out of the couch and happy to find himself relatively stable. Aerith looked worried.

"You're still sick." She said, matter-of-factly.

"I'd rather be sick upstairs away from these two." He grumbled, making his way to the stairs.

"So…what…her husband of probably 70 years gets second slot after the guy she spent three days with?" Yuffie snapped. "That's twisted!"

"But he saved her life! They were souls bound by fate!" Jake interjected.

Aerith chuckled, "Jake, I didn't know you had such…feelings."

"Listen to the song!" Yuffie pointed to the rolling credits. "Her heart WENT ON."

Tifa snorted in her sleep on the recliner.

Cloud started the laborious task of climbing the stairs. He was just glad that the stairs weren't swinging back and forth like things had been earlier. At least now he could see straight. But as he reached the top of the stairs, he paused and then cursed.

That song was going to be stuck in his head for DAYS.

**..:-X-:..**

**A/N:** With apologies to _Titanic_ (1997).


	3. More to Love

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts its, characters or storyline. This ditty is mine, as is Duke. I also have no ownership or affiliation with the Superman comic book, movies, etc.**

**..:-X-:..**

**003 – More to Love**

(For The Sacred and Profane; Prompt: 'Squall/Tifa…in which Tifa ends up getting more than a bit chubby over the holidays and Squall makes her feel better about her extra pounds.')

In a man's life, there are a few conversations that change everything. 'I love you.' 'Will you marry me?'. 'I dare you to eat that.' But none of these sentences are so terrifying as that one, deceptively innocent, two-sided blade known as…

"Does this dress make me look fat?"

"No." Leon replied before he even turned around.

Because if there was anything that he had learned in his time being around women, it was that hesitation was never…EVER…a good answer.

In front of him, his golden retriever, Duke, was lying on the floor in the hallway. Making eye contact with him, her tail swished across the floor.

Feeling the coast was clear, he glanced over to see what had prompted the question most accurately known as the 'fight-starter.' Tifa was standing in front of the mirror, wearing a wine-colored dress that cut off a few inches above the knees, with no sleeves and a low, swooping front on the chest, virtually backless. It was one wardrobe malfunction away from…Well, not something that Leon would REGRET seeing…

But she looked disgruntled at her reflection, and she swiveled on one hip to look him in the eye.

"That was fast." Her eyes were narrowed in suspicion.

When he chose silence as an answer, she turned back to her reflection, compulsively running her hands over her stomach, her sides, and the undersides of her arms. Leon tilted his head, having never really seen this facet of her personality.

"What are you doing?" He asked…like an idiot.

She huffed and pinched the skin above her hip. "Look at this! What is this? Fat, that's what it is." She gestured to the undersides of her biceps. "Ugh, and this…How did this happen?" She let out a flustered noise, turning to try and find a better angle.

Honestly, Leon didn't see the issue here. She looked great. The dress showed off all her curvy parts…Wasn't that what it was supposed to do? He watched in confusion as she snatched up a long-sleeved cardigan and tugged it on, covering her arms and fluffing her hair out in the back before commencing her swiveling in front of the mirror.

"You're not fat." He said bluntly.

This was ridiculous. Okay, maybe if he tilted his head and squinted one eye, he could possibly see what this was all about. Tifa had always been built and more muscular than Aerith or Yuffie. But she also worked out every day and could hardly be called unhealthy or lazy…but now that she was pointing it out, he could see that she had gained a few pounds over the holidays.

"Oh shut up…Mister…Freakishly-efficient-metabolism-guy." She barked. "This is your fault, you know."

"Wha—"

"If your team hadn't lost that game, then Aerith would have been in charge of Christmas and…You know how much she loves celery!"

Ah.

So that was it then.

In the prior autumn, each of the members of the Restoration Committee had created their own individual teams and competed in a paintball tournament. It had started out innocent, but quickly turned vicious when the terms of the game were laid out. The idea came up that the losing team would be in charge of Christmas dinner. The winners would get to do whatever they wanted in Merlin's house for 24 hours after the holidays.

Almost immediately, Leon's team was put in everyone's crosshairs. It was well known—thanks to Tifa's big mouth—that Leon was a decent chef. In contrast, Tifa could burn water. No one knew how they survived Cid's cooking all those years. Yuffie wasn't allowed around a stove. Aerith had been on a health-kick lately. Cloud only used a microwave. And Merlin put cabbage in EVERYTHING.

"I didn't want to lose. Everybody else ganged up on my team." Leon defended.

"That's because you compiled a team of professional paintball snipers, including Private McCallister—a trained soldier! And Jake—"

"I didn't know that he played paintball every weekend!"

"Oh please." Tifa said, undoing the strap on her dress in exasperation. "If your team hadn't had a mutiny—"

"McCallister shot Jake in the balls…Not sure that's a 'mutiny'…"

"—then you wouldn't have made that AMAZING dinner and I wouldn't have gained nearly 15 pounds! You're an enabler!" She tossed the dress to the floor, opening the chest of drawers for another outfit.

"It was the holidays, Tifa." Leon said, starting to get irritated too now. "Everybody gains a few holiday pounds."

Tifa drew up straight, having stuck her feet into her sweatpants. She hiked them up around her waist and glared. "Really? Because you still look like a…some of kind of…There are likenesses of you on the cover of women's erotic novels!"

Before he could figure out how to interpret that and form a response, Tifa had tugged a sweater over her head and trudged past him, out of the bedroom and toward the living room of their small house. Duke climbed to her feet and shuffled out of the woman's warpath. Leon just stared at the open air for a moment.

Where was this coming from? And, more worrisome…where was this going?

Duke sauntered into the bedroom and sat beside him, looking up at him expectantly. Leon scratched behind her ears and she licked his fingers before looking at him, as if to say 'you gotta talk to her, buddy.' He waited a good ten-count before sighing, hanging his head, and slinking out after Tifa. The dog followed…so at least he wasn't entering the danger zone alone.

She had flopped herself on her stomach across the living room sectional—the same putrid salmon color as their old couch. Legs splayed over the armrest, sweater bunched up around her ribs and her hair fanning around her head: this was going to be a long afternoon.

"So, I guess you're not going?" He prompted.

Tifa had grabbed up the remote and proceeded to turn on the television, flipping channels. "You guess right."

Again…no real response for that. Without fear of losing a limb, that is.

With a sigh, Leon stepped into the kitchen and took up the phone, dialing Merlin.

"Hello?" was the sorcerer's jovial greeting.

"Hey, Merlin."

"Ah, Leon, my boy!" Waaaay too chipper for four in the afternoon. "What can I do for you?"

"Um, well…Listen, Tifa's…come down with something—"

"—gravity—" Tifa bemoaned from the other room.

"—so she's probably not going to make it to the party tonight."

"Oh no." Merlin said sympathetically. "I hope she's all right."

"Um…yeah…stomach thing—"

A low guttural snarl came from the couch.

"—I'm actually not going to be able to make it either." He excused. "I don't really want to leave her alone right now."

"—my chins will keep me company—" Tifa grunted.

Merlin, unable to hear Tifa's comments in the background, sighed. "Very well. I understand. Do give her my best wishes and I hope she feels better soon! If you need anything, don't hesitate to ask!"

"Thanks." Leon said, hanging up and going back to the living room.

Duke had wiggled herself under the coffee table and curled up there. On the television, a model in a slinky red dress was displaying a new car.

"Skinny bitch." Tifa flipped the channel.

Leon looked at her and frowned.

The new channel was a woman wearing a short skirt and tank top, performing in front of judges on one of those idiotic talent programs.

"Skinny bitch." Tifa flipped to a commercial with three dancing showgirls on it. "Skinny bitch. Skinny bitch. Skinny bitch." She flipped it again, and the channel showed two athletic men advertising exercise equipment. "Skinny bastards."

"Okay." Leon leaned over, plucking the remote from her hands. "This has to stop."

Tifa turned her face into the couch cushion with a moan. "Can't I just be pathetic for one afternoon?"

"By all means." Leon sat on the couch beside her head. "But I can't join you."

She grunted into the cushion before tilting her face free. "What a supportive husband."

He smirked dryly and brushed some of her hair from her face, careful not to pull any of it. "You don't want to be skinny. Then some poor girl is going to see YOU somewhere and call you a skinny bitch."

"I've never been the skinny bitch." She rolled onto her side, facing the television.

"Good." He said, running his fingers through her hair slowly. "And I hope you never will be."

"You suck at this."

"Hear me out." He rubbed her shoulder. "If you were a stick, the Heartless would have broken you in half. Those idiots who gave you crap would still have teeth. Half the men in Radiant Garden wouldn't quiver at your name. And my training squad would be twice as big, for all the soldiers I've had to fire for getting distracted by you during training." He shifted, propping one leg up on the coffee table. "Pounds don't mean anything. Muscle weighs more than fat anyway."

"Yeah…but muscle doesn't jiggle." Tifa said sourly.

This was going nowhere. In his opinion, she was being mindlessly paranoid about something that wasn't an issue, but had somehow been deemed an issue. So she had gained a few pounds, so what? Wasn't that supposed to be a perk of marriage: letting yourself go a little?

"If you gained 150 pounds, grew a mustache, and got an orange spray tan, I would still think you were the most beautiful woman in the Alliance." He said.

"You are many things, Leon. A good liar is not one of them."

Oh, now she was just trying to be difficult.

"Baldness runs in my family." He said abruptly.

She blinked and looked up at him. "Huh?"

"You don't want to get fat. I don't want to go bald. But apparently every man on my mother's side went bald before he hit 50. Not good odds." He confessed, looking down at her.

For a long moment, Tifa just stared back up at him. Then, slowly, her hand snuck up to cover her mouth, where a grin was forming.

"What?" He felt his face heating up.

"I'm trying to imagine you bald."

Leon looked at her flatly. Great. He had tried to make her feel better about her own insecurities by revealing one of his own, and now she was going to laugh at him. So, it was funny that he was going to turn into Mr. Clean, but gaining 15 pounds was some fowl curse? As the mirth filled her eyes, Leon frowned and started to stand from the couch.

"No, no. Don't go." Tifa reached out, grabbing the back of his shirt. "I'm sorry." She giggled, not sounding at all sorry.

But her inhuman strength jerked him back to his seat on the couch.

"Whatever." He took up the remote and started flipping channels this time.

"Oh." She scooted forward, using his thigh as a pillow as she lay across the couch. "I'm sorry for laughing at your imminent…baldness." She reached up, ruffling his bangs. "That'll be a shame though. I like your hair."

"Whatever. If we have kids, I hope you get really fat during pregnancy."

"And I hope our kids pull your hair out…whatever's left, that is." She chuckled.

The channel currently on the television was an action movie, and for a moment, they were both quiet, save for the sound of gunfire coming from the TV speakers.

"You don't have to worry about it." He said after a moment.

"Hm?" She said, lazily watching the movie.

"The whole weight thing…I mean—" He frowned at his lack of eloquence. "—I don't…care." He grimaced, hoping that she interpreted what he meant correctly.

Seeing as his jaw remained in the right joint and none of his teeth were knocked out, it appeared that she did.

"Thanks." She murmured. "Guess I…always knew my metabolism would slow down at some point…I just hoped that it would be…later."

"Get up."

"What?"

"Sit up a little."

She looked perplexed, but did as he said. She sat up off the couch just enough for Leon to swing his legs up onto the furniture, situating himself so that they were both lying across it, with Tifa more or less lying on top of him. The party being thrown at Merlin's by the winning team was probably going to be lame anyway. Who knew Aerith was such a good shot?

"You want to order a pizza?" He offered.

She tugged her phone out of her sweat pants' pocket and handed it to him. "Extra meat. And those little chocolate cakes if they are still serving those."

Leon nodded and called the pizza delivery place two blocks from their house. Duke snorted, pawing at one of the legs of the chair. Tifa seemed more relaxed now, and, he admitted, it was more comfortable snuggling up with her while she was wearing one of his old sweaters. The movie on the television changed scenes.

"Who are you?" The caped superhero on the screen asked.

The villain turned. "I am the genius…Lex Luther." He said, whipping off his wig to reveal a shiny bald head.

Tifa roared with laughter.

**..:-X-:..**

**A/N:** With apologies to _Superman_ (1978). Keep these prompts coming! Super special awesome potato casseroles to those who have already submitted prompts! I am working on them now.

As always, constructive criticism is always welcome and appreciated.


	4. Hiding in Plain Sight

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, its characters or storyline. These ditties are mine, as are McCallister and Jake. Took a lot of creative license with this one. Enjoy!**

**..:-X-:..**

**004 – Hiding in Plain Sight**

(For WishingDreamer5; Prompt: 'sneaky/games/both')

The heavy bass of the music seemed to thunder through every surface of the dance club. It rumbled through Aerith's high heels and was off-beat with her heart. The whole scene around her was a cacophony of noise and flashing lights. And even though Leon was standing less than three feet away from her, she still had to ask when she saw his mouth moving.

"What?" She asked, cupping one hand around her nearer ear.

He took a moment to frown before moving closer, "Are the others ready?"

Aerith inclined her head to show that she understood and casually reached up, discretely activating the small listening device in her ear. There was a small crackle of static. She pretended to be fiddling with her earring. Her hair had been carefully curled around that ear to cover up the radio, maintaining her undercover disguise.

"Everybody in position?" She spoke into the micro-speaker that was wired into her blouse.

Another short crackle.

"I'm at the bar." Tifa replied.

"At the window." Was Yuffie's response.

"The pawns are all prettied up and ready to go." Cid snorted over the line.

"Aw, thanks, Cid." Came Jake Alms' voice.

"Mark one?" At least Private McCallister was sticking to the code language.

Aerith gave Leon a thumb up. He glanced down, and she followed his gaze. The dance club was two levels, with the second level open in the middle, allowing those above to look down on the dance floor on the first level. The club owner, who went by the name Oscar, had been running black market weapons out of Radiant Garden through his little business here.

From where she and Leon were near the edge of the second level, she could see Tifa loitering near the bar in her low-cut red halter top and short denim skirt. Scanning across the way, she spotted Yuffie in an even more low-cut green top and even shorter black skirt, along with strappy gold heels that laced up to the knee.

…honestly…Was she trying to upstage Tifa over there? Tifa? The older woman had at least two whole cup sizes on Yuffie. Aerith shook her head and shifted her gaze toward the back of the first level. The dark wooden door in the corner led to Oscar's VIP room. It would be McCallister and Jake's mission to get into that room, through stealth and subtlety, and then Tifa and Yuffie would close in. Leon, Cid, and Aerith were just there for back up.

Oscar had never given any indication that he was anything more than a simple urchin making fast money on the black market, there was no telling if his buyers were there with him. And the buyers on the black market were considerably more dangerous than the sellers, in Aerith's opinion. Beside her, Leon dismissed another pesky waiter in exasperation.

Aerith chuckled, "Leon, you can't keep swatting them away. People are going to get suspicious if you don't order something."

When Leon gave a noncommittal grunt, she sighed and waved a hand to get a passing waitress's attention.

"I'll have a screwdriver, neat." She said over the din.

The woman nodded and Leon ignored her inquiring look. Aerith looked at him in amusement for a moment before looking back down to the first level, speaking into her microphone.

"Go get your groove on, you two."

"Roger that!" Alms replied.

"…" responded McCallister.

Let the game begin, Aerith mused thoughtfully.

Yuffie had been adamant about being involved in this mission; however, her face was too well known to expect to fly under Oscar's radar. The same went for Tifa and Aerith. They were fine if they were merely paying customers in the bar, but they couldn't get anywhere near the VIP room without raising some suspicion. Luckily, they had Jake and Private McCallister. Jake, Radiant Garden's self-declared ladies' man, was a frequenter of this particular club, so his presence wasn't conspicuous. Tabaeus McCallister had never set foot in the place—it was hard to imagine the soldier going to any such place for fun—so she would be just another face in the crowd.

"Oh for the love of…" Leon groaned.

Aerith glanced at him, and then back down to the first floor. She quickly covered her mouth to hold back the sudden laugh that threatened to burst out of her. Jake Alms was unmistakable as he entered the club. Flashy purple shirt, black leather pants, gelled hair in a failed attempt at the 'bed-head' look: so much for subtlety.

"What in Kingdom Hearts?" She snorted into her fist, watching Alms saunter his way into the club like he owned the place.

Cid's voice crackled over the radio in Aerith's ear. "He said he always dresses like this when he 'goes clubbin'. A handful of disgruntled women backed him up."

Leon closed his eyes briefly and Aerith snickered.

Private McCallister—for once not in her military fatigues—made a less dramatic entrance on Jake's arm, though not less shocking. The stocky soldier had dawned a teal strapless dress that ended even shorter than Tifa or Yuffie's skirts. It made her legs look long and the tall silver heels showed off her muscled calves and lower thighs. Even from here, Aerith could tell that she had had to apply a spray tan to cover up pale legs and upper arms. Her tawny brown hair, usually up in a tight knot on the back of her head, was spilling down to her shoulders now in curly waves, and it looked like she'd added some blond highlights.

At least Jake's outlandish outfit matched his outlandish personality. It was bizarre to see the straight-laced McCallister unleashing her inner…slut.

Tifa's low whistle of approval came over Aerith's microphone. Beside her, Leon shifted, leaning his hands on the railing of the second level. Getting over her giggles, Aerith focused again on the mission at hand. None of the other gyrating bodies on the dance floor paid the newcomers any heed.

The waitress returned and set the orange drink on the table in front of Aerith. She smiled and thanked the woman absently, lifting the glass and taking a sip. Jake led the way out into the fray on the dance floor, tugging a gun-shy McCallister behind him. The private moved slightly awkwardly in the unfamiliar heels, and clearly was leaning toward the edge of the dancing crowd, whereas Jake was intent to drag her out into the middle of it.

"This was just too perfect of an opportunity for Alms." Yuffie snickered over the radio.

Tifa's laughter agreed, and Aerith smirked.

McCallister was clearly getting her way, slowly but firmly carrying their little show toward the edge of the dance floor, where she was required less to actually dance than to just bob back and forth toward the VIP room. Aerith paused.

"She looks a little stiff out there." She mused aloud. When Leon glanced at her, she went on. "She doesn't look like she's enjoying herself."

"Jake is trying to grind on her; that's explanation enough." Leon muttered.

"But a girl who agreed to be his date for the night—her cover—should at least look like she's enjoying herself." Aerith reasoned.

Tifa appeared to agree, because voice came over the radio. "McCallister, relax."

"I'm trying." McCallister muttered back over the radio.

"Toss your hair and tilt your head back." Tifa advised.

Down below, McCallister tossed her hair—albeit with a rigid neck—and precariously leaned back against Jake, who appeared to be amused at how awkward she was being.

"Yeah, c'mon, Tabby, get with the beat." He chuckled.

"I will cut off your penis." McCallister fired back.

Apparently having enough of that, Leon leaned over to speak into Aerith's microphone. "All right. Start making it toward the VIP door."

Jake looked disheartened, but McCallister couldn't scramble away fast enough. The two made their way—bobbing this way and that—toward the dark door in the back corner of the club. In their respective positions, Tifa and Yuffie kept a wary eye on them. Aerith took another drink from her screwdriver. It was strong and she cleared her throat after swallowing it.

"Tell Alms to watch his hand or I'll break it off." Leon grumbled.

Aerith noted that Jake's hand, originally around McCallister's waist as they moved, had migrated south toward the soldier's backside.

"Jake, Leon just gave you strike one." Aerith relayed.

"Ah, I'm just getting into character!" Jake whined.

"Yeah, the character of Jake Alms." Yuffie quipped.

"Haters gonna hate."

"Stop touching me." McCallister snarled.

Jake's hand reluctantly moved back up around her hip as they reached the door.

Okay, by some miracle, no one had raised any eyebrows toward the unlikely pair. Now they just had to bank on Jake's charisma and McCallister's best attempt at being a hottie to sneak back into Oscar's private room.

The big muscle in front of the door looked stoic.

"Who're you?" His voice was low and slow over the microphone.

"Who are we?" Jake guffawed. "Jake Alms. I'm a regular here. Oscar's one of my boys. He asked me to swing by and…make a down payment." He dropped his voice just a tone, but enough to impress Aerith with his acting skills.

"Hmph." The muscle grunted, looking unconvinced. "Down payment, huh?" He glanced from Jake, to McCallister, to Jake.

Jake cleared his throat, "This is Veronica. She's—"

"—the down payment." McCallister's voice had changed too, from her normal plucky, serious tone, down to a low, sultry rasp. "A thousand munny an hour…all night."

Leon and Aerith both straightened. THAT hadn't been in the script.

The muscle head looked McCallister up and down. "A thousand? S'a little expensive."

"Dude, totally worth it." Jake assured.

One of McCallister's hips popped out, giving her a more flirtatious posture. "It's an extra 200 if you want to watch."

Yuffie squawked in surprise and Aerith's eyes widened.

"Atta girl." Tifa said calmly over the radio. "Just like we talked about."

The muscle straightened, muttered something, and then retreated into the VIP room. Jake leaned toward McCallister.

"The Hell was that?"

"Improv."

Leon nudged Aerith's elbow. "Tell them to start moving in, just in case."

Aerith relayed the message with a dumb grin on her face. Yuffie and Tifa nodded and started shifting toward the VIP room, but not close enough to raise any red flags to Oscar's staff. After a beat, the door opened again and the muscle head nodded the two in.

Jake all but skipped into the room, tugging McCallister after him. The private stumbled slightly after him, then let out a giggle that was probably supposed to sound light hearted but came out slightly strangled. The door closed after them and Leon shifted uncomfortably. Aerith finished off her drink and ran a hand through her hair.

"Hello, hello, what have we here?" came a drawling voice over McCallister's microphone.

"Oscar, my man!" Jake greeted exuberantly through his own wire.

"Mr. Alms." Oscar said curtly. "What are you doing here?"

"Hey now, is that any way to greet a customer?" Jake sounded like he was grinning.

"Customer?" Oscar chuckled. "As I recall, you've refused all of my offers to become a new customer…and a seller…and a hustler." There was a pause. "And who is this?"

"She's the new customer." Jake changed tact like lightning.

"Oho?" Oscar sounded intrigued. "You're interested in weapons, love?"

Aerith practically HEARD McCallister bristle at being referred to as 'love.' She literally SAW Leon bristle at it.

"I used to date a mercenary." McCallister lied swiftly. "Figured I could try my hand at dealing them, make some extra cash."

"Women and weapons rarely mix well." Oscar said smugly, and Aerith heard movement, like someone getting up from a couch. "The only time I've found that they do is when they're in my hands." His voice sounded very close to the microphone in the chest of McCallister's dress.

Suddenly there was the sound of a scuffle, followed by solid punch noises. The muscle head outside the door hurriedly moved inside, giving Aerith and everyone else in the bar the image of McCallister beating the snot out of Oscar, his handprint red on her thigh from where he'd tried to cop a feel.

**..:-X-:..**

**A/N:** I normally don't like to focus on my original characters, but I feel like Jake and McCallister have earned a little spot in the limelight. I hope it wasn't too forced. Besides, writing Leon and everyone else's reactions was quite entertaining. And for readers who are familiar with these two, I hope it was entertaining for you guys to read as well!

Thanks for the prompts! Keep 'em coming! XD


	5. Abandon Ship

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, its characters or storyline. This collection is mine, as are McCallister and Major Banks.**

**Not so much on the humor for this chapter. It actually gets a little dark there for a minute or two…Oh and a language warning: couple of f-bombs and other lovely verbage in this one. Enjoy anyway!**

**..:-X-:..**

**005 – Abandon Ship**

(For Taquiner; Prompt: 'angsty, hero-rescue')

The ship was dark and quiet. It smelled like rusty metal and burning material. Leon held the Gunblade aloft as he squinted, forcing his eyes to adjust faster to the darkness. Aside from the dying lights of the control panel in the cockpit down the corridor and a few wires spraying sparks against the wall, there were no other light sources in the Gummi ship.

Beside him, he couldn't even hear Yuffie breathing. The girl had her overlarge shuriken in her strong hand, covering his left side. Cid was at his right, Uzi in one hand, radio monitor in the other hand. The ship was a three level cargo freighter, that much was obvious from the outside. But the interior was a mess. It looked like it had been abandoned for nearly 50 years…but that wasn't possible.

Six hours earlier, Cid had picked up on a weak radio signal coming from out in space. The identification numbers on the link didn't match any of the Alliance's vessels, nor any other known spacecraft. Upon location of the signal, they had found this ship. After half an hour of failed attempts at communication with any crewmembers onboard, they had sent a squad of five soldiers up to recon the ship and take in the status of the crew.

They had lost contact with those five soldiers barely twenty minutes into the recon.

So now here the three of them were, searching for the team that had been sent up here to search for the crew. Leon stepped forward, deeper into the ship. He didn't like the way the floor of the hallway seemed to compress under his feet, like foliage or something organic instead of iron and steel. Yuffie and Cid moved along with him, and all three of them tugged out their flash lights.

The three beams illuminated about what Leon had expected: rusty walls, spilled boxes of cargo and broken bottles, a few smudges of blood here and there. It wasn't exactly a slaughterhouse, but something violent had happened up here. There weren't even any bodies. Hardly any blood at all.

"Hot damn." Cid whistled behind Leon. "The Hell happened here?"

"Heartless?" Yuffie hypothesized, inching forward past Leon to investigate the overturned crates.

Leon cast a wary eye around the walls. Grime and some dark rust had accumulated on all of the surfaces it seemed. Cid moved past them both toward the cockpit, where the communication signal had been coming from.

"This blood is dry." Yuffie remarked, having squatted by one of the dark stains on the floor. "Looks like it's been here a while."

Her flash light beam went wobbly as she stood back up, zig zagging over the wall and right into Leon's eyes before briefly slipping across the corner of the ceiling. Leon, having averted his eyes from the blinding light, caught sight of something above them. He swung his own beam up to illuminate it.

A pair of sightless white eyes looked back at him.

"Yuffie!" Leon called out an alarm, reversing in two long strides and gripping the Gunblade.

"Huh?" Yuffie flashed her light over to Leon, then up to the ceiling.

There was nothing there. Just rust and cobwebs.

Leon felt his pulse spike. Something had been there. "Nobodies." He hissed.

Yuffie drew closer to him. "You sure?"

"Shit! Banks." Cid barked from the cockpit.

Before either Leon or Yuffie could respond, Cid popped out of the cockpit. "Major Banks is on the security camera monitor on the second level."

"Is she alive?" Leon asked.

"How did you get power to work those old cameras?" Yuffie gawked.

"Can't tell." Cid answered Leon. "Get down there and check it out. Watch your asses. I'm gonna try to rig up these other cameras to find the other four members."

Leon nodded, still feeling a chill at the nape of his neck from…whatever…he'd seen earlier. He and Yuffie made their way to the second level of the freighter Gummi. It was just as dusty and rusted out as the first level. However, where the first level had had the benefit of sparking wires and a dying control panel, the second floor was completely devoid of light.

"Well, crap on a stick." Yuffie fumed near his left elbow. "I can't see anything."

Leon flatly turned his flash light back on, casting the beam across the second level corridor. More overturned crates, a few damaged pipelines, and more blood…fresh. Yuffie spotted the body before he did, and she bolted over to the limp form, lying on its side against the wall. Major Valerie Banks, one of Cid's top aeronautical interns, had been the most experienced member of the recon squad, and had the most senior rank. She also had the most vulgar language in Cid's department, excluding Cid of course. If she was in this bad of shape, Leon was reluctant to think of the fate of the other four, two of which were from his own department.

"Banks." Yuffie turned her from her side to her back gingerly.

The response was immediate. Banks groaned and lifted an arm to fend off whatever she thought was attacking her. Yuffie batted her away easily enough, speaking to try and calm her down while also assessing her injuries. From where he was standing, she didn't look to be in a fatal position, so Leon cast his eyes and his flash light around the rest of the corridor for any signs of the other four soldiers.

The idea of Nobodies attacking a Gummi Ship wasn't far fetched…but they usually just destroyed the entire vessel and killed the crew outright. This looked more like the Nobodies had trashed the interior of the ship, killed the crew, and then, instead of destroying the Gummi, had simply decided to hide out in it. It was bizarre for Nobodies to establish a base or a hide out like this. Maybe this was some kind of new—

"Ack!" Yuffie squawked suddenly behind him.

Whirling back around, Leon's flash light just caught the length of Yuffie's leg as she was torn from her feet and up toward the ceiling. Then she disappeared.

"Yuffie!" He crossed back over to her, swinging the beam up toward the ceiling.

Two blank eyes stared back. The ceiling was canvassed with undulating silver coils, spreading in webs up and down the hallway, beyond the light of his flash light. The mass seemed to root itself around those two eyes, like some head of Medusa. The coils had wrapped around Yuffie's torso and leg, so that she was hanging like a ragdoll and flailing like a monkey.

Three gunshots rang out, and Leon felt the heat from one of the bullets sizzle past his shoulder. The blank eyes sunk into the mass and disappeared with a shriek. Leon dove forward, grabbing onto where he had last seen Yuffie. His fingers closed around her knee and she jerked.

"Yuffie, it's me. Grab onto me!" He ordered, gripping the Gunblade with his other hand.

Her hand swatted at his arm and then grabbed a fistful of his jacket shoulder. His flash light had clattered to the floor, barely illuminating Banks, who continued to shoot her Glock revolver toward the grey mass at the ceiling. Leon couldn't try to cut Yuffie down when he couldn't see where she ended and the grey coils began. Luckily, she still had her shuriken. Keeping herself rooted with one hand to Leon's shoulder, she thrashed around until the sharp edges of her weapon slashed through the mess. She dropped with a sharp squeak and Leon caught her, easing her to the floor.

"Are you okay?" He asked, hastily snatching up his flash light and scanning the ceiling.

"Wha—Fine—What the heck was that?" She wheezed.

"The devil's dick is what." Banks snarled, having recovered from her semi-conscious state. "And it's been fuckin' us since we landed on this damn ship."

But Leon hardly heard her. The beam of his flash light had landed on two other bodies, strung up in the same way that Yuffie had been. One was clearly dead—Private Kent, one of Cid's other recruits—with his neck snapped by the silver coils. The other body was—

"McCallister." Leon scrambled back to his feet and darted over to where the soldier was hanging.

The Nobody's coils had formed a noose around her neck and one of her arms, which was stretched over her head. She was hanging by the throat and her head was tilted back. When she didn't respond, Leon reached out and shook her. She didn't feel cold, but she also wasn't stirring at all. With the soldier's knees at his eye level, Leon got a hold around her legs and hoisted up, trying to take her body weight off of the noose around her neck.

"Yuffie, Banks, cut her down." He yelled.

Yuffie started to get up, still shaken from her encounter with the silvery vines, but Banks raised her gun and popped off two more shots. One of which blasted apart the coil around McCallister's neck. The Nobody maintaining the coils hissed and retreated with a slither. McCallister's body folded bonelessly over Leon's shoulder and he staggered to keep from sending them both to the floor.

Recovering, he knelt down and lowered her to the floor, hastily tearing away the constricting coils around her neck.

"Is she—" Yuffie started.

"Radio Cid. Kent's dead. Harris and Baron are still missing. Banks is alive." Leon rattled off, tugging away his glove and pressing two fingers to McCallister's red neck.

"They're dead." Banks grunted, dragging herself to her feet and holding her left arm to herself painfully. "That—that big fuck tore them apart…Shit." She hissed.

Leon pushed at McCallister's throat a few times before finding a weak pulse. But the soldier wasn't breathing, and her lips were turning blue from the lack of oxygen.

"Cid?" Yuffie said over the radio. "We found Banks…and McCallister…Kent's dead. She—Banks says that Harris and Baron are dead too."

"Balls!" Cid cursed distinctly over the static.

"C'mon." Leon mumbled, as though to will his soldier to breathe on her own.

A quick hand from the base of her skull under her back showed that her spine was intact. A few ribs were broken, but other than that, he just needed to get her breathing again.

"It's still here." Banks was saying.

"Ya'll need to get your shit outta there!" Cid barked.

Leon tilted McCallister's head back, forcing her jaw open. He felt a momentary relief that her mouth wasn't red; that her throat wasn't being clogged by blood or anything. He hurriedly pinched her nose closed and leaned down, blowing air into her mouth. He sat up just long enough to notice that she wasn't responding, and then he applied mouth to mouth resuscitation again. And again. And again.

"She's dead too. She was hanging up there before I was knocked unconscious." Banks was rushing Yuffie past Leon and the soldier. "You heard Highwind. We need to haul ass."

"She has a pulse." Leon growled between breaths. "As long as—"

McCallister suddenly animated, choking and gasping like the devil was on her. Leon turned away from Major Banks and grabbed the private's shoulder.

"Easy." He made sure none of those grey coils were still choking her.

McCallister continued to hack and desperately pull for air, and Leon hastily rolled her onto her side in the recovery position, holding onto her shoulder so she wouldn't thrash.

"Commander." Banks sounded impatient.

"She's alive." Yuffie sounded relieved.

There was a high pitched screeching noise that jarred across the ceiling. Kent's body was dropped to the floor, where it landed with a disgusting noise. The Nobody that had taken over this ship was planning on doing to them what it had done to most of the recon team, and probably the original crew of the freighter—consume them.

McCallister was still immobilized with choking on her own throat, so Leon pointed one hand at the ceiling.

"Fira." He called out.

The incantation caught and the fire spell hissed down his arm. A bright red spiral of fire flew in a cyclone up toward the ceiling, catching a mass of the Nobody's hide in the flames. The creature screamed in pain and fury, doubling back for another attack. Wherever Leon had dropped his flash light must have been smashed, because darkness overthrew them again.

"Leon!" Yuffie cried out as Banks started shooting.

McCallister had lapsed into wheezing, one hand moving at Leon's knee, trying to figure out what was going on. There was another hiss of the nothingness coming toward them and, unable to do anything else, Leon curled forward, shielding as much of Private McCallister as he could before the blow landed.

Instead of the searing pain, however, Leon only felt a burst of warm air and then the entire corridor lit up with an explosion. The Nobody roared in anger, but its noise was drowned out by two more explosions in almost rapid succession. Seeing the small window of opportunity, Leon hastily scooped McCallister up and threw her over his shoulder, clamoring backward out of the corridor.

He ended up nearly bumping into Cid, who was swiftly aiming and firing a grenade launcher at the mass of fluid Nobody that was contorting around in the hallway. Yuffie and Banks both grabbed Leon to redirect him out of Cid's aiming sights, making him nearly pinball against the wall.

"Get to our ship." Cid barked back. "We gotta blow this thing to Hell!"

None of them needed further prompting. Yuffie led the way back up to the first level and toward the docking port where they had connected their Allied Gummi to the abandoned one. Leon followed after her, keeping a firm hold of McCallister, who had regained enough awareness to be clinging back to him. Banks was close behind them, and Cid was bringing up the rear, firing after the pursuing Nobody just as fast as he could reload his weapon.

They barreled into the Allied Gummi and Banks immediately took pilot in the cockpit, preparing to jettison away from the other ship as soon as everyone was in. Leon staggered in, dropping the Gunblade to the floor and nearly hitting his knees himself. As soon as Cid cleared the door, Yuffie slammed it shut and Banks hammered the accelerator.

The Gummi pulled away from the infested ship like a bullet, sending everyone to the floor of the hold. The simultaneous veering and tilt of the floor was an indication that Banks was bringing the ship around, to fire directly onto the ship that the Nobody had taken over like a parasite. While Cid and Yuffie got their bearings back, Leon sat up and checked McCallister again. The soldier, now in the light, had dark burns from the coils around her neck, and her knees were both cut open and bleeding. But she was breathing, albeit raggedly, now, and her eyes were wide as she looked to Leon from her supine position on the floor.

"S-sir?" She coughed.

Leon felt an unexpected surge of relief and exhaled, reaching out and giving her shoulder an assuring shake. She looked bewildered and grimaced as she rubbed her tender throat. He knew he should say something to reassure her, but ended up just giving her a gentle shake again.

Banks released two missiles. "Suck balls, you piece'a shit!"

The old rusty Gummi exploded on contact, and the Allied ship shuddered slightly under the shock waves. On Leon's left, Yuffie let out 'whew' and dramatically flopped to the floor.

Cid dropped his grenade launcher and leaned against the wall. "I'm too old for this shit."

**..:-X-:..**

**A/N: **Valerie Banks was a minor OC who popped up in my LeonxTifa story _As the Sun Sets on Mushroom Clouds_. She has a nasty mouth. I think I was on a _Dexter_ kick when I came up with her character; her foul-mouthness was inspired by the Deborah Morgan character from that show. Banks can't hold a candle to Deb though XD

And Cid is just Cid. 'nuff said.

I am still taking prompts, so please keep 'em rolling in!


	6. As the Years Pass

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, its characters or storyline. This collection is mine, as are McCallister and the family members mentioned in this.**

**I changed the style up a bit for this one. Still not completely back to full humor, but some dry chuckles snuck in there. Either way, I kinda like how it turned out. This also takes place once again in my Alliance-verse…for obvious reasons. Enjoy!**

**..:-X-:..**

**006 – As the Years Pass**

(For The Sacred and Profane; Prompt: Tifa and Squall growing old together.)

_Married for 10 years_

As soon as Leon saw that dark haired head and that bright green backpack, relief flooded him like a wave. Holding the phone to his ear, he fought the urge to run over to the little girl, scoop her up, and take her home immediately. But that wasn't how these matters worked.

"Found her." He told Tifa over the phone.

"Oh thank God." Tifa was still crying. "Where is she? Is she okay?"

"Just outside the bus station. I'll bring her home." He assured his wife.

His and Tifa's nine year old daughter Mikayla was sitting with her back to him, swinging her legs slightly as she read what looked like a bus schedule. Forcing away the terror that had been eating his insides for the past three hours, Leon approached her with all the nonchalance that he could muster.

"Hey." He greeted, walking up behind the bench.

The girl's head snapped around and she fixed sassy green eyes on him. "D-dad?"

Leon leaned forward, forearms on the back of the bench beside her. "What are you doing way out here by yourself? Your mom and I have been worried."

She pouted and turned back around, folding her arms. "I'm running away. You and Mom don't love me anymore. All you care about is stupid Liam. He doesn't even do anything cool."

Leon sighed. Their three year old son Liam had been hoarding all of his and Tifa's attention lately: more hospital trips and medical counseling than he ever cared to think about. He could see why Mikayla felt slighted, but it still hurt deeply that their actions had caused her to feel that way.

"Of course we still love you, Mikayla." He moved to sit next to her. She slumped in her seat to show her displeasure at the action, but didn't voice it. "It's just that your brother has been really sick lately. You know how your mom and I always take care of you when you're sick?"

Her face was getting red and he could sense tears of anger coming fast from her.

"He also needs his big sister to take care of him too." He added.

She sniffled and lifted two fists to her eyes, "Nobody needs me."

Leon couldn't take it anymore and slid his arms around her, pulling his daughter close. "Shh, don't ever, ever think that, Mikayla. We need you and love you more than you could ever imagine. I'm so sorry that you've been feeling like this." He kissed the top of her head.

"I'm sorry I tried to run away. Please don't hate me."

"Not possible, munchkin." He rubbed her back until the tears subsided. "Listen, there is nothing that you could EVER do that would EVER make us love you any less. I promise."

**..:-X-:..**

_Married for 20 years_

"And Liam's got a double header at six o'clock tonight. I wish I could make it."

"I know, but he understands." Tifa nodded, watching Mikayla frantically packing.

"Oh, but I should be able to make Katherine's recital." Tifa's eldest daughter straightened, looking flustered, "It'll be close though, college orientation is that morning…" She bit her lip, eyes darting around, and then lunged for her weekly planner. "Maybe I could—"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Tifa grasped her eighteen year old's shoulders. "Breathe." She chuckled, "Your sister is seven years old, I'm sure there will be plenty of recitals. You, however, only get one first-move to college."

Tifa and Mikayla walked outside, where Leon was jamming the trunk of Mikayla's car shut. It looked to be no easy task, and he was almost out of breath by the time the latch clicked shut. Tifa and Mikayla both offered applause when it did, and he looked back, saw that he had an audience, and gave a little bow. Their thirteen year old son Liam did the same as he managed to cram the last of his sister's shoe collection into the passenger seat.

"I checked the oil, the engine, the tires' air pressure, and it's got a full tank." He said, tossing Mikayla the keys. "Just control your lead foot and you should be fine."

"Yes, Father." She snickered, hugging both of her parents before hopping into her car.

Tifa sniffled and Leon put an arm around her as the car backed out of the driveway.

"Call to let us know you arrived safely!" He called after her.

"You worry too much." Tifa snickered at her husband before yelling, "Don't forget!" She sighed and leaned into him. "I feel old."

Leon chuckled, "We aren't old yet."

Liam waved, his shaggy brown hair bouncing as he did so. "Don't get pulled over again!"

Both Leon and Tifa looked at him. "Again?"

Liam paused, trying to backpedal out of it. "I mean…for the first time…in ever…"

**..:-X-:..**

_Married for 30 years_

"No." Leon said flatly. "New drivers do not get new cars. No."

Tifa was only half listening, lifting their two year old grandson David up and down in her arms. "I know." She cooed in her baby-talk voice, eyes wide at the baby. "And Katherine's not expecting a new car. Just not the Rust Bucket."

"Mikayla learned how to drive on that thing. Liam learned how to drive on that car. Kat is just going to have to pay her dues." Leon said firmly. "I don't see the problem."

"It's a death trap." Announced Katherine as their youngest daughter came into the room.

Leon looked irritated at her as the teenager took David from Tifa. The baby squealed and stuffed his fist in his mouth. Mikayla and her husband were house shopping that afternoon and had asked Tifa and Leon to watch David for them, to which they had immediately agreed.

"C'mon, Dad. Yuffie is selling her old yellow Beetle car." She pleaded.

"And that's NOT a death trap?" Leon lifted an eyebrow at her.

"At least it looks like a female should be driving it." Katherine sassed.

Leon didn't look like he was budging. His daughter lifted her nephew up, showing off those big blue eyes and pudgy cheeks. She popped her head beside David's, mimicking the puppy face and pouting her lips out. Leon remained deadpan, exchanging a look with Tifa. Tifa tilted her head and lifted her shoulders, as if to say 'might be worth looking into'.

"Pleeeease, Dad? How can you say no to this face?" Katherine looked at David.

Leon groaned and walked over, taking David from the girl. "Fine."

"Booyah!" Katherine sprang off the couch like a wind up toy.

"But you're going to have to make the down payment on that yellow monstrosity."

"Thank you!" She jumped on him, then jumped on her mother, and then bolted for the door. "LoveyouguysI', bye!"

Tifa laughed at Leon's expression and then looked at little David. "Everybody's driving. Now we're old."

Leon shook his head. "We aren't old yet."

**..:-X-:..**

_Married for 40 years_

"Oh, I feel old." Tifa lamented, dropping her head briefly on Leon's shoulder as they danced at Liam's wedding reception.

"Now don't start that." Leon chided playfully, looking down at her graying head. "How do you think Cid feels?"

"Drunk, by the looks of it." Tifa glanced over to Cid, who was clearly trashed and telling dramatic stories—of the war, probably—to an uncomfortable looking Katherine.

"Besides, you don't look a day over 35." Leon tutted at her.

Tifa looked up at him. "I think you're off by about twenty years, there, bud."

"I would hope so, otherwise how in Kingdom Hearts do we have a 38 year old daughter, a 33 year old son, and a 27 year old for a daughter?" He teased.

David and their other grandson Alex were horsing around by the wedding party, living it up around the bridesmaids. Tifa sighed as the twelve and eight year olds were mooned over by the young friends of her new daughter-in-law.

"My legs used to be that smooth. My hair used to be that dark. My boobs used to be that perky." She looked up at Leon. "And you used to have a lot less wrinkles around the eyes."

Leon looked like he regretted nothing, "You have gray hair and I have wrinkles. It's their faults." He pointed over to their three adult children.

Tifa chuckled dryly. "Well, I guess we could forgive them for that."

Leon smiled at her and suddenly paused in their dancing to dip her in his arms. Tifa laughed happily as she held onto him, and they got a few 'oohs' from the rest of the reception.

"Dad, c'mon." Liam called him out across the dance floor, where he was dancing with his blushing bride. "You're showing me up here!"

"See?" Leon snickered at Tifa. "We're not old yet."

**..:-X-:..**

_Married for 50 years_

"Grandpa, tell me a story."

Leon had hardly realized that the five year old girl had hopped up on his lap until she made the demand. The hospital chair was uncomfortable, so he wasn't sure how he had managed to doze off. Tifa was in the bed, dozing by the looks of it. The doctor said the chest pains weren't a heart attack, but they were still running tests to find out what had caused her to collapse.

Liam had dropped his daughter Penny by to 'keep the old man company' while Liam and Katherine talked to Aerith and Cloud in the hallway. Mikayla was on the first flight back from her traveling job after hearing what had happened. David and Alex, both in college, were driving back as well.

Wiping the sleep from his eyes, Leon shifted in his seat, moving the little girl to a more comfortable position on his lap. "Okay, kiddo." He yawned, "What kind of story?"

"The one with Miclaster and Grandma." Penny offered a smile that was missing a few teeth.

That got a tired grin out of Leon. She had never been able to pronounce McCallister's name properly.

"All right then…A long time ago, before your dad or your Aunt Mikayla and Aunt Katherine were born, there were these big, ugly monsters called Heartless." He made a claw with his hand in front of her face. She giggled and swatted it away, so he went on. "And this one time, a particularly smelly one with a big nose tried to attack McCallister. It backed her into a corner, and she was completely unarmed…But then, your brave grandma showed up—"

"And opened a royal can of butt-kicking on it." Tifa said weakly from the bed.

Both Leon and Penny immediately looked over; Leon with relief, Penny with excitement.

"Did you really, Grandma?" Penny's eyes sparkled.

Tifa shifted slowly, and Leon considered calling a nurse to check on her. "You bet I did. And that big old monster ran away, crying like a baby—"

"Haha, like a big ugly baby!" Penny cheered.

"—and he never bothered McCallister or anybody else again." Tifa finished, reaching over and patting the girl's head.

After she patted her head, Leon took her hand in his, giving her a loving squeeze. Tifa offered him a little wink as Penny hopped off his lap, declaring that she wanted to be a butt-kicker like Grandma as she bounced around the room. Tifa gave Leon a calming smile, as if to say 'it'll take more than this for you to get rid of me'. Leon returned the smile, lifting her hand to his lips and kissing her knuckles: which were both scarred from the old war and wrinkled from age.

"How about now? Are we old yet?" Whether 78 or not, the mischievous warmth in her eyes still got him every time.

Leon shook his head slowly. "Not even close."

**..:-X-:..**

_Married for 60 years_

Their house was the quietest that it had been in their entire marriage. Mikayla, Liam, and Katherine had all grown up. David and Alex were both grown up and had their own kids. Penny was in high school, and Katherine's twins Henry and Rita were already 9 years old. Tifa's hair had all turned grey and she had put on a few pounds. Leon had a severe limp, his old wound from the war coming back like an old friend to taunt him. She had to wear a hearing aid and his eyesight had been going for years, as had his hairline. These were just those things that come with time.

"Sixty years is quite a milestone." Yuffie's oldest grandson Cale asked. Being a journalism major, the young man was eager to try out his columnist skills by writing about their long-running—and widely admired by the town—marriage on the eve of their anniversary. "How do you make a marriage last this long?"

"Patience." Tifa bobbed her head, sitting next to Leon on the loveseat. "And understanding."

"Yep." Leon agreed, "I can't tell you how much patience it takes to survive this woman's cooking." He nudged her shoulder.

Tifa huffed. "And the understanding of a saint it takes to tolerate a husband's abysmal taste in furniture."

"I'm the one with horrible taste?" Leon gawked at her, winking at Cale. "We used to have this old couch—"

"Oh not this again." Tifa smacked his knee. "I can't believe you remember that old thing."

"Remember? It used to haunt me." Leon teased.

Cale smiled at the two who were in their mid-eighties at this point. "It sounds like you two have it down to a science. Congratulations. My grandma used to tell me all sorts of stories about you two."

"Uh oh." Leon lifted his eyebrows with a grin. Tifa just giggled.

Cale jotted down a few notes. "So, really, how do you put up with each other for over 60 years?"

"Like I said." Tifa nodded sagely. "Patience, understanding, love…and lots of cocaine." She finished with dry humor.

Leon nodded solemnly in sarcastic agreement.

Cale pointed at his notebook. "You realize that I AM publishing this in the newspaper?"

**..:-X-:..**

**A/N:** Mikayla, Liam, and Katherine made their first appearance in another story I wrote called _Til Death Do Us Party_. I loved this prompt, and I find old couples to be adorable, so it was fun tinkering with the concept of Leon and Tifa weathering the years together.

Still loving these prompts, guys! All of these requests for Lefa oneshots warms my little shipper heart!


	7. Live Long and Prosper

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, its characters or storyline. I also have no affiliation nor ownership of Star Trek. This collection is mine, as is Duke.**

**Okay, first some backstory here. For the past month, I've been mapping out this new collection that will be titled **_**T-Minus One Year**_**, which is pretty much what it sounds like. This will be a collection of self-driven shorts—much like my first collection, **_**Good Enough for Me**_**—that covers 52 weeks of the lives of the Restoration Committee leading up to the climax story of my Alliance-verse, title still pending. Every character in that story will have his/her own plotline going on, which has to be done carefully, which is why it's taking me so long to outline it. However, the prompt for this chapter beat me to the punch of one of the plotlines! And no, that's not a spoiler for **_**T-Minus One Year**_**, think of it rather as a tease XD**

**Anyway, congratulations, you guys are ahead of the curve! Enjoy.**

**..:-X-:..**

**007 – Live Long and Prosper**

(For The Sacred and Profane; Prompt: 'A pregnant Tifa and how Squall takes care of her')

"—if you call now, for just 29.99—"

"—Mix the ingredients until you get a fine sauce like this—"

"—Here, we see the tiger in its natural habitat. See how it stalks its prey—"

The disjointed statements and abrupt cut offs in dialogue weren't what dragged Leon out of sleep, but it was what confused him enough to open his eyes. What had actually awoken him was when he rolled over, and his hand found Tifa's side of the bed cool and empty. This had become a common occurrence at night, as the growing baby in Tifa's body pushed on her kidneys, forcing her to take bathroom breaks at all hours of the night. As they neared the arrival of their first child, Leon had started becoming more unconsciously aware of Tifa's every movement, so the fact that she had managed to sneak out of bed, go into the living room, and turn on the television was surprising.

Climbing out of bed himself, Leon ran a hand over his face and walked toward the bedroom door. He staggered down the hallway of the second floor to the small den, where the telltale lights from the television were refracting off the wall. He blinked rapidly to adjust to the brightness of the screen as he stepped into the den. He could see one of Tifa's feet hanging off the armrest of the couch, which had its back facing him. Duke, their reddish-golden retriever, was curled up in front of the coffee table, her tail swishing to and fro every so often. The canine's eyes found him quickly, and she licked her nose, ears lifting, but she didn't get up to greet him.

He pushed his hair from his eyes and approached the couch, leaning over the back of it to find Tifa lying there. She was on her side, head pillowed on one arm. Her other arm was draped over her swollen middle, her hand absently flipping channels with the remote. His large t-shirt was working hard to cover her stomach. Her eyes were half lidded and not paying attention to the television. She looked exhausted and miserable.

"Hey." He greeted quietly, reaching down and stroking her arm.

She turned her head to look up at him. "Hey." She fought a yawn, "Did I wake you up?"

He shook his head, "No, the cold side of the bed did." He smiled tiredly. "Everything okay?"

Tifa exhaled in slightly exasperation. "Loaded question."

Indeed it was, Leon knew. When she wasn't coming or going from the bathroom, she was being kept awake by the baby kicking her. The pregnancy weight had been causing back pain. She was practically drinking Pepto Bismal to combat the heart burn, and her ankles and feet had swollen painfully. She was uncomfortable and tired, he knew.

"Fair enough." He said, continuing to trace his fingers along her upper arm, trying to provide some comfort, however incremental.

Tifa set the remote down and lifted a hand to push her hair back. "I'm just ready for her to come out, already." She looked down at her bulging belly.

She wasn't due for another two weeks, but Leon could hardly believe that the baby could possibly wait that long. Tifa looked ready to pop as it was and she could barely make it down the stairs on her own—not that Leon left her alone long enough to try it by herself.

"I doubt we'll get much more sleep after she gets here." He offered lightly.

Tifa put her hand on her stomach. "No, but at least then I won't have a tiny foot kicking my ribs all hours of the night."

Leon smirked. He had felt the baby moving around, kicking and punching, when he put his hands on Tifa's stomach these past few months, but he couldn't imagine what it felt like for Tifa. It was a weird thought.

"How about I make you some tea?" He offered. "That usually calms her down."

Tifa shifted onto her back awkwardly on the couch. "That would be great."

Leon bobbed his head and turned to do just that. Duke hauled herself to her paws and stretched, rear end up in the air as she did so. Having that accomplished, she trotted out after him, following him down the stairs and into the kitchen.

He habitually moved around the pre-packed luggage sitting by the front door. They had had enough run-ins with false labor over the past month to put him in a paranoia. Even though Tifa had convinced him that she wanted to have the baby here, in their home, he was a man always with a back up plan. Neither of them was fond of hospitals, so when Aerith and Tifa had discussed alternative deliveries aside from the hospital, it hadn't taken a huge amount of persuading.

The only real hang up had been that Leon knew his biological mother had died from complications just days after he himself was born. Tifa had undergone every kind of testing and health counseling and check-ups known to the Alliance, and there had been no evidence that she was anything but a perfectly healthy first time mother, nor that the baby was anything but a normal-sized, healthy girl. But again, he was paranoid lately.

As evidenced when he heard Tifa shuffle into the bathroom upstairs and he poked his head out into the hallway until she closed the door.

Leon hardly bothered with the kitchen light as he maneuvered around Duke. He started boiling water for the tea, rubbing his neck as he waited. They were to be the first of the Restoration Committee to have a child, and while Leon enjoyed being the first of anything, it also meant that there wasn't much encouragement spoken from experience from any of the others. Cloud had been great about tending to Tifa when missions or meetings absolutely tore Leon away from her during this third trimester. Then somebody had worked some magic to put Leon on the no-fly list for missions, which meant he couldn't leave Radiant Garden. He figured McCallister had had a hand in that, and he appreciated it.

His bad knee felt sore and he rotated it absently as the kettle began to whistle. Duke sniffed at his leg, her cool wet nose making him twitch a little. Pouring and preparing two cups of tea for them, he emptied the rest of the hot water into an insulated bag. He figured it might help loosen the muscles in Tifa's back that were causing the additional discomfort. He made his way back upstairs just as Tifa was waddling out of the bathroom.

The basketball-shape of her stomach made his chest flutter slightly. The fact that they were going to be parents—and very soon—was growing and growing and growing in his mind until lately it had been all that he could think about. The doctor had told them that the shift of the weight from higher on her stomach to hanging down lower meant that the baby had dropped—consequently that labor wasn't too far off.

Definitely not this 'two weeks longer' nonsense.

"Kudos." He greeted as he walked back into the den on the second floor.

Tifa was easing herself back onto the couch. "Huh?"

"The first time you've gotten out of the couch by yourself in a week, and I missed it." He said good-humoredly, handing her one of the mugs of tea.

He unconsciously lifted a hand to prevent Duke from jumping up onto the couch to join Tifa. He knew it was unnecessary. Duke had been following Tifa around like…well, like a loyal dog…since the beginning of Tifa's second trimester. She even tried to hop up into bed with them at night. No matter how many times Leon shooed her, every morning they would wake up to the dog snoozing at the foot of the bed. Despite those attempts to be closer to the pregnant woman, Duke had never actually jumped ON Tifa. The canine sometimes even seemed to avoid getting that close.

Strange mutt.

Tifa snorted, trying to get comfortable. "Smart ass." She spotted the water bag in his other hand. "What's that?"

He set his mug of tea on the end table and lifted up the bag. "Hot water bottle. For your back. Might help." He offered.

Tifa took the bag thoughtfully and maneuvered it under her back. She shifted side to side a little to adjust to it and sighed. "Thanks."

Leon smirked and moved around the couch, getting an idea. Tifa put up no resistance when he lifted her knees and sat down on the couch, letting her legs rest back across his lap, hanging off the edge of the couch. She did, however, look surprised.

"What're you doing?" She asked.

He picked up the remote, which had fallen to the floor. "You know I can't let you allow our baby to listen to midnight infomercials." He flipped the channel.

She snorted, but questioned again. "Leon…You should go back to bed. Don't you have a meeting in the morning?"

He shrugged, settling on an old episode of Star Trek. "No I shouldn't, but yes I do."

Tifa looked at him flatly. "How is this better?" She gestured to the television.

In response, Leon merely took up one of her swollen ankles and commenced a foot massage. It was by far the most effective thing that was able to distract Tifa for the last few months. And, to be honest, he had gotten pretty good at it. Tifa immediately dropped her head back onto the armrest, relaxing her shoulders, and sighed contentedly.

"This is good TV." He commented, now that he knew that she didn't care in the least about what was on the screen.

For several minutes, they remained like that. Tifa was reclined across the couch, her legs in Leon's lap, while he massaged each of her ankles and feet in turn. Duke had resumed her spot on the floor, and the Starship Enterprise continued to explore new worlds for two commercial-free episodes. Tifa seemed to doze off a few times, but she never completely fell asleep, even after going through half of the tea.

"Oh you're a foot massage god." Tifa mumbled after a bit.

Leon smirked and kissed her ankle. "Glad to serve."

She huffed lightly. "I mean it. You've been great this whole time. And I'm sorry about that sexy woman you married. I think I ate her." She remarked flatly.

Probably because he was really tired, that remark got a laugh out of him.

"Don't be ridiculous. You're just as sexy as ever." He commented.

"Leon, you are a lot of things. A good liar is not one of them." She snorted, setting her tea mug on the floor.

Leon canted his head and then moved up to kiss her knee cap. "You're carrying our child." He kissed her stomach. "You officially win Most Beautiful Woman forever." He kissed her lips.

Tifa returned the kiss and he felt her smile, before she abruptly broke it. "Ow."

"What?" He jumped up like he was on springs. "What's wrong? Was it a contraction?"

Tifa grimaced and sat up a little. "No, Leon, watch your blood pressure." She reached under her back and tugged the water bottle out. "The lid dug into my back."

Leon deflated, taking it from her. "Oh."

"Leon?"

"Hm?"

She pointed up at him. "Your anxiety is showing."

Flustered, he slumped down to sit on the floor in front of the couch. "Sorry."

She chuckled, "No, it's cute." She reached out and ruffled his hair.

Given that this was the most relaxed that she'd been in a week, he let the annoying ruffling slide. She paused and looked past him, at the screen.

"But our child is not watching this."

Leon followed her gaze to where a new episode of Star Trek was starting. "Blasphemy, woman. This is classic."

"I don't care. Our daughter's bed time stories will not consist of Jean-Luc Picard versus the Borg people." She remarked.

Leon gave her a look of mock-offense. "They're actually not people. It's the Borg collective. All of the beings consist of one mind, and when—"

Tifa waved a hand and pressed a finger to his lips. "Shh, okay, sorry."

"Yeah, you better be." Leon said, enjoying this brief escape from hormonal, temperamental, uncomfortable, unpredictable, my-body-is-a-time-bomb Tifa to the more whimsical, relaxed version. He took the leniency of the atmosphere and looked at her stomach, addressing the baby directly. "Your mom doesn't know what she's talking about, but don't worry. I'll teach you all about the Enterprise."

Tifa placed her hand on the side of her stomach, "Aaand, she's kicking again. Well done, Dad." She remarked, rubbing the spot.

Leon smirked and reached up, covering the spot with his hand. A little thump greeted his palm. It made him feel giddy. Like he and his unborn child had just high fived or something.

Okay, he really needed to get some sleep.

"Live long and prosper, right?" Tifa snickered at him.

Leon nodded, looking back at her. "Are you coming back to bed?"

"Well, she's either going to kick me while I'm on the couch or kick me while I'm in bed. At least there's more room in bed." Tifa said, gingerly sitting up. "Make it so, Number One."

Leon helped her to her feet and turned off the television. Duke yawned loudly and trotted after them as they walked back to the bedroom, pausing outside the nursery next to their room. It was painted and furnished. There were still a few things that needed to be hung up and assembled, but the room looked pretty ready to meet its future occupant. Soon, it wasn't just going to be the two of them anymore. Free time would go out the window. Restful nights would cease to exist—more so than they had now. Diapers and baby food and toys and blankets…they were going to accumulate everywhere. They were probably going to get spit up on several times, woken up at all hours of the day and night by screaming and crying. Duke was going to feel neglected.

Aerith and Cloud would be so jealous, he snickered inwardly.

Tifa sighed and shuffled on toward the bedroom with a muttered, "Gotta pee again."

Leon chuckled, watching her waddle toward the adjoining bathroom in their bedroom. He looked back into the bedroom, at the half-assembled crib, and the letters forming their unborn daughter's name on the wall: Mikayla. Yes, in less than two weeks, everything was going to change forever, and quite honestly, he couldn't wait.

"See you soon, munchkin." He said quietly, stepping out of the nursery and closing the door after himself.

Duke was sitting beside him, and she swished her tail once. As soon as he closed the door to the nursery, the dog apparently lost interest and went back to stalking Tifa. Leon shook his head after the canine and made his way back into the bedroom. His limp had come back now thanks to the awkwardly late hour, but he stuck it out until he flopped back into the bed. The clock on the side table said that it was a quarter past two in the morning.

Tifa climbed back into bed also and they got comfortable again, with Leon's arm resting around her stomach. A gentle thump met his fingertips, and he smiled as he drifted off to sleep.

High five.

**..:-X-:..**

**A/N:** I don't always write fluff, but when I do, people usually get cavities.

This…I don't know. I just…don't even. I don't usually write fluffy stuff—intentionally anyway—but Papa!Leon just makes me warm and fuzzy inside. Combine that with caretaker!Leon (which the prompt specifically called for) and this might as well be Hurricane Dawww. It should also be noted that I'm surrounded by pregnant people in my life right now, so that also fueled the fire on this one.

And yes, I'm a Trekkie, ergo Leon is slowly being morphed into a Trekkie as well. In earlier stories, I made light references to it, but now it's just out there, dancing naked for all the world to see.

I regret nothing!

\V/


	8. Under the Table

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, its characters or storyline. These ditties are mine, as are Jake, McCallister, and the assorted OCs that slipped into this chapter. More and more of these ditties are falling under my Alliance-verse, and this one is no exception. Kind of a silly chapter, but I've had a rough couple of weeks here lately, so some silly is welcome right now. **

**You guys know Jake and Private McCallister by now. For those who aren't familiar with my Alliance-verse stories, Graham Nestor is a politician who has been a pain in Leon's butt for years. The two just don't get along, and personality conflict is fun to write. Enjoy!**

**..:-X-:..**

**008 – Under the Table**

(For WishingDreamer5; Prompt: 'humorous misunderstanding')

"…which leads me to my next argument," The speaker paused, clearly for dramatic effect.

The air was too dead inside the board room for dramatic effect. The pause only served for Tifa's mind to register that no one was talking, and she inadvertently came back from Lala-land. It felt as though the meeting had been dragging on for hours, but a glance at the clock on the wall revealed that they had only been convened for 45 minutes. The Restoration Committee and Radiant Garden Public Council were all seated in the moderate-sized meeting chamber. All 12 or so of them looked just as bored and unenthused as Tifa felt.

The board room table was approximately 15 feet long. On either side of it were seated the members of the Restoration Committee, Graham Nestor of the Public Council, secretary of the Allied Council Bernadette Kinski, Radiant Garden Council Representative Henry Cave, and two soldiers: Lieutenant Armand Walker and Private Tabaeus McCallister.

"Poker Thursdays." Announced the speaker, resident loud mouth and self-declared ladies' man Jake Alms.

Tifa stifled a yawn against the back of her hand and gave the rest of them a cursory glance. Leon was sitting directly across from her, one elbow propped on the table, chin in his hand, eyes glazed over. Private McCallister was sitting on his left, with Jake babbling his regular nonsense from the head of the table at their right. The soldier looked equally bored as Leon, though she was feigning interest, however thin.

The bi-monthly meeting had become a staple for the Restoration Committee and the local public council. It was an open forum for anybody to come voice their opinions, their ideas, and their complaints to those with the authority to do something productive about it. The first few meetings had introduced the predicted spiel: the faults of the security system, the Heartless problem, waiting times for inter-Allied Gummi transportation, etc. The Restoration Committee and Public Council had combated those arguments as best they could and were always in the works to develop remedies, but it was a slow process.

Now that they had been conducting these meetings for a few months, however, things were becoming more…unusual. And come rain or shine, they had come to expect Jake Alms to make his appearance at every meeting…always with ideas more outlandish and nonsensical than the last. Between demands for tighter town perimeter security and complaints about military occupation in the residential districts, Jake's 15 minutes of babble had become a brief reprieve at every meeting.

Currently, however, Tifa wanted nothing more than to be out of this room and somewhere else…preferably with Leon…and preferably not around anyone else. The blank looks on everyone else's faces seemed to drain even more of her apathy toward Jake's presentation, and she let her eyes wander across the table to Leon. His eyelids were actually drooping at this point.

Feeling a spike of mischief come over her, she shifted slightly in her seat. She extended her leg under the table and tapped the toe of her shoe against his boot. He continued to nod off, so she figured that she hadn't tapped hard enough. Using more force, she popped the top of his boot with her foot. Again, she saw no response on his face, but felt his boot move away.

Ah, so he was going to play it that way, eh?

Smirking, she extended her leg farther, lifting her foot to trail her ankle up his calf. She reached his knee and he still hadn't given any response, so she frowned. What was up with him today? Sure, Jake's speeches were always boring, but that was no reason why he—

Her eyes drifted to Leon's left and saw Private McCallister sitting ramrod straight, staring across the table to Tifa, one eye severely narrowed and looking confused.

Oh God.

Tifa withdrew her leg and her hand flew to her mouth, but not before a loud snort escaped. A few of the members sitting around her looked over at the noise, and she abruptly turned to face the front of the room, shoulders trembling with amusement and embarrassment at the mishap. This got a reaction out of Leon, who blinked the daze from his eyes and lifted an eyebrow at her.

"It's not funny." Jake called her out, thinking that she was laughing at his speech. "It encourages competition and money flow. Poker Thursday would stimulate the economy!"

Tifa composed herself and waved a hand. "S-sorry. Go on, Jake."

He huffed and faced them all. "Ah, I was done anyway."

The group en masse seemed to exhale with relief as he tottered away from the podium. The next speaker was Graham Nestor—the group en masse groaned—and Jake honed in on the only open seat at the table, the one on Tifa's left. Her face was still warm at the miscommunication, and Leon was still looking at her quizzically. She looked over at him and almost burst into giggles all over again, particularly with McCallister red as a beet beside him. With the roomful of people chattering amongst themselves between presentations, Tifa leaned over and spoke quietly.

"I think I just sexually harassed your subordinate."

Leon blinked once and then turned his head toward McCallister, who snapped her neck to look the other way. He looked back to Tifa. "Huh?"

Tifa shifted again as Jake made his way over. "I was bored out of my mind, so I tried to…touch your leg with my foot under the table…but I missed."

Leon snorted and abruptly lowered his head so that he was facing the table surface. Beside him, McCallister continued to stare holes into the opposite wall.

"Well, I think my voice reached some people." Jake said, looking pleased with himself as he took the seat on Tifa's left.

Tifa sat back, folding her arms as Leon snorted into his fist. "Yeah?"

"Yeah." Jake gave a cheeky grin. "Maybe if Poker Thursday becomes a thing, then we could introduce Strip Poker Fridays, eh?" He winked at McCallister.

The soldier, for her part, looked hotly to Tifa and briefly to Leon before hunching in her seat, holding her arms to herself like an armadillo. As Nestor began to speak—none of the four of them bothered to pay attention…it was _Nestor_—Leon composed himself and straightened in his seat, sliding Tifa an amused look.

"Radiant Garden sits on the brink." Nestor began his time in the limelight, and by God, Tifa could already feel his hot air filling the room. "And unless we act now," he brought a fist to the top of the podium. "our world will be swallowed WHOLE by those creatures of darkness!"

Aaaaaand no longer paying attention.

Now that she had Leon's attention—though not the way that she had intended—they exchanged a few wordless looks throughout Nestor's speech. Mostly just sarcastic eyes at the politician's assertions or eyebrow raises at Nestor's more pretentious moments, but after roughly ten minutes, Leon got a weird look on his face. Contrary to popular belief, Leon had a very expressive face, as long as you had the manual to read it.

Right now, the message was: And what do you think about THAT?

Tifa squinted in confusion. What did she think about…what?

Beside her, Jake sat up straighter and looked across the table. Nonplussed, Tifa looked at him. He looked…intrigued. She moved her eyes back to Leon just as he sat bolt upright and audibly cursed.

"Shit."

Three seats down, Aerith shot him a reprimanding look, and Tifa had to physically cover her mouth with both hands to contain the laughter. Had Leon seriously just…

Leon had immediately noted his mistake and was staring hard at Nestor. Oh sweetie, Tifa inwardly teased, not a soul here believes that you are paying attention to Nestor. Especially her and Jake, whom Leon had apparently and inadvertently…played footsies with.

Jake, however, was not looking at Leon, but rather McCallister, who had slightly recovered from the first fiasco and was feigning interest in Nestor's presentation. Jake seemed to think that that had been McCallister's boot on his leg and drummed his fingers on the table top to get her attention.

Tifa was about to lose any composure that she had left as McCallister saw the motion out of the corner of her eye and turned, meeting Jake's gaze. He wiggled his eyebrows at her suggestively. His chair shifted a little as he less-than-subtly moved his leg over to return what he thought were McCallister's advances.

The soldier, for her part, tilted her head at him like he was mad. Her eyes widened as Jake's foot flirted with her leg, and her reaction was as far from subtle as possible. She jerked in her seat, no doubt kicking her foot back in retaliation. Jake yelped and pushed the swivel chair from the table, grabbing his shin.

More than a few of the members in the room looked his way at that, and Nestor paused in his long-winded pretentiousness just long enough to shoot Jake a scolding look. Even Cid, who had spent the majority of the meeting sitting back in his seat, head reclined and mouth open as he dozed, opened one eye to see what the commotion was.

Tifa's hand stayed over her mouth and she exchanged a look with Leon, who was determinedly staring at the podium, feigning obliviousness to the situation.

Jake, having recovered slightly from McCallister's attack, leaned forward and whispered harshly. "Woman, what is your problem?"

The private, turning red again from embarrassment, hissed back, "My problem is your leg in my comfort bubble!"

"Your comfort bubble?" Jake wheezed. "You can't feel up a man's leg under a table and then kick him when he reciprocates!"

"What?" McCallister's eyes widened. "I did no such thing!"

"Ahem." Aerith chided passively a few seats away.

Jake ignored her, pointing at McCallister. "If you're trying to play hard to get, you're doing it wrong! I'm not into masochism!"

On Tifa's other side, Cloud choked on the bottle of water that he'd been drinking.

"You're out of your mind!" McCallister snapped back, her voice no higher than the sound of steam escaping a kettle.

Leon shushed them both, still playing innocent. Across from him, Tifa could hear her pulse in her skull for trying to stop herself from laughing aloud.

"Am I? I think a little under the table action is the best remedy to long meetings like this." Jake said, not even bothering to whisper anymore.

"I beg your pardon." Nestor cleared his throat loudly. "Do you have something to share with the class?"

"No, he doesn't." Leon cut in. "Jake, go home."

"No! Not until McCallister mans up to trying to seduce me!" Jake pointed an accusing finger at the soldier.

Tifa looked to McCallister for her response, as did the entire room at this point.

"No one is trying to seduce anybody." Leon interrupted again. "Jake, go home, take a cold shower or something. McCallister, you too…Separately."

Tifa snorted, thinking: oh baby, you're making it worse.

McCallister seemed to agree with Tifa's thought, looking at Leon in horror.

"But, sir, I never—"

"Silence, temptress!" Jake stood melodramatically.

"What the heck is going on here?" Yuffie joined in now.

"Why is everybody touching me!" McCallister spazzed.

If she didn't have everyone's attention before, she had it now.

Leon looked like he was wishing for the ground to open up and swallow him. Tifa finally couldn't take it and burst out laughing, and out of the corner of her eye, she could see Cloud looking at her like she was insane.

"Soldier, get a hold of yourself." Leon reprimanded, but there wasn't any force behind it.

It seemed to dawn on McCallister that everyone was looking at her, and she ducked her face toward Leon, saying quietly—but not quietly enough— "Sir, please. If anyone has been instigating this…it's Lieutenant Lockhart."

A few eyes snapped to Tifa, including Jake. Leon swallowed and cleared his throat.

"That wasn't—"

McCallister looked to Jake, "I don't know who was touching you, Jake, I swear. All I know is that first Lieutenant Lockhart is touching my leg thinking that I'm Colonel Leonhart, and then you're touching me because…that's what you do…"

Tifa covered her face in her hands, still laughing, but also embarrassed.

Jake lifted a hand, "Whoa, whoa, Tifa felt you up?"

"Oh God." Leon folded his arms on the table and lowered his face into them.

"Don't phrase it like that—" McCallister argued.

"I didn't feel her up!" Tifa threw up her hands.

"Interesting." Jake smirked, looking from McCallister to Tifa.

Leon sat up, pointing at the door. "Get out, Jake."

"But who touched me?" Jake demanded.

At the far end of the table, Cid sat up. "It was me." He confessed sardonically. "There, happy, you freak? Now get."

Beside Aerith, Lieutenant Armand Walker chuckled, and Allied Secretary Bernadette Kinski looked hesitant, her fingers poised over her computer, wondering how much of this to include in the meeting minutes. Representative Henry Cave cleared his throat and stood.

"Well, Graham, I think we'll have to recess until our, uh, spirited colleagues can sort themselves out over there." He said good humoredly.

Nestor looked miffed, but wasn't going to sass the Representative directly. Instead, he sent a scornful glare toward their end of the board room. Henry looked to the others for agreement. The Restoration Committee and other attendees nodded.

"All right then." Cave said. "Let's reconvene in twenty minutes and try this again."

Immediately after he said this, Private McCallister was on her feet and out the door, looking close to humiliated tears. Jake watched her go, his smirk faltering slightly. He exchanged a look with Tifa and she gestured for him to go. As the others filtered out of the room and Jake went after McCallister, Tifa looked to Leon with a shit-eating grin.

Leon looked at her pitifully. "Oh shut up."

She cackled again and moved both of her legs under the table, firmly planting both of her feet on the tops of his boots. Nobody was sitting on either side of him or her at this point, so there was no more misunderstanding. He didn't look amused at her antics, and she felt him nudge her feet away. She persisted until they were practically kicking at each other playfully under the table.

Cid lit a cigarette as he walked past them toward the exit. "Ya'll ain't right."

**..:-X-:..**

**A/N:** As mentioned in the disclaimer, I really needed some silly this week. Hope it didn't cause any brain damage for anybody.

Keep the prompts coming! You guys are awesome!


	9. Birds of a Feather

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, its characters or storyline. This collection is mine. This prompt took forever for my muse rabbit to nibble on, but it was strangely entertaining to write. This also takes place after my story **_**As the Sun Sets on Mushroom Clouds**_**. If you haven't read it, it will still make sense. There are just a few references that may seem odd (e.g. Rinoa).**

**..:-X-:..**

**009 – Birds of a Feather**

(For The Sacred and Profane; Prompt: 'Tifa and Donald swap bodies and the pair have to deal with acting like each other until they can find a way to switch back')

One minute, Donald Duck had been waging war on the Heartless with Goofy and King Mickey on The World That Never Was, and the next, he was lying on his back on wooden floor and Rinoa Heartilly was looking down at him with wide eyed concern. For those first three seconds, Donald felt normal. Confused as to why he was here and not there, but normal.

But as his faculties returned, however, something began to feel…off.

"Hey. Heyheyhey. Are you okay?" Rinoa was asking, tapping his cheek.

His cheek…

"Bah!" He sat up abruptly.

Several things occurred to him simultaneously. His voice was different. His feathers were gone. He had skin. He had elbows. The act of sitting up put his eyesight roughly at where he would be when standing at full height.

"What happened?" He asked, and then immediately grabbed his throat, looking down at himself.

That wasn't his body!

Rinoa looked worried and…guilty.

"I…think I messed up." She murmured.

**..:-X-:..**

"Holy shit!" Tifa screamed.

Or, rather, that's what she would have screamed, if her voice had been working properly. As it was, her curse came out sounding like: 'hahluy zeet!'

She staggered, tripping on her suddenly unwieldy feet, and pitched forward to the concrete street. She would have grit her teeth against the impact, but found that part of her face irresponsive and…beak-like. To top it off, her muscle memory didn't appear to be kicking in: as she tried to roll with the momentum of her fall and bounce back up on her feet…and ended up just flopping onto her side.

Winded from the tumble, she pushed herself up onto her hands and knees, or whatever limbs seemed to respond to that brain message, and looked down. A number of thoughts crashed through her as she did so. Why did she have a beak? Why was she covered in feathers? Where was she? Why wasn't she wearing pants?

"Donald! Are ya all right?" Goofy was lumbering toward her, shield held in front of him.

"Wha—" Tifa got to her feet and it clicked.

Somehow, she had ended up in Donald Duck's body.

"C'mon, fellas!" King Mickey announced, swinging his Keyblade into Heartless several meters away. "These guys are still comin'!"

**..:-X-:..**

"Whaddaya mean, messed up?" Donald squawked, his bitter tone cutting across clearly in Tifa's voice.

Rinoa grimaced, indicating the open spellbook on the coffee table. "I…I decided to try my hand at complex magic…Something harmless!" She held up what looked like a sleeveless shirt of hers, with a sizeable rip on the side of it. "I tried a mending spell that would make my shirt stitch itself up—I'm terrible at sewing—but…" She rambled. "Th-the pages stuck together and I guess I…accidentally conjured a body-swap spell."

"Accidentally!" Donald snatched the spellbook away from her and assessed the encantation himself. "You idiot, how did you manage to mess this up?"

Rinoa flinched, and Donald pursed his—or rather Tifa's—lips. Goofy and the King were well aware that Donald swore and badmouthed those who irritated him or when he was angry, and while they disapproved, his sputtering and impeded speech made his ranting relatively harmless. Now, with Tifa's crystal clear speech, he would have to keep a closer eye on it.

"Fine, fine, whatever." He waved off her hurt look. "Let's just fix this, a'right? Where's Merlin?" He looked around, realizing that they were in Merlin's house in Radiant Garden.

Rinoa swallowed. "Twilight Town…having a meeting with Yen Sid."

Donald's eye twitched. Merlin was the magic specialist in Radiant Garden. Sure, the old wizard had an entire department of magical trainees, but he wasn't about to put his mind and body in the hands of those noob palookas. The front door of the house opened and both he and Rinoa looked over quickly.

Leon had just walked in, eyebrow lifted at 'Tifa' on the floor with Rinoa kneeling beside 'her'. "What's…going on?"

**..:-X-:..**

Tifa hastily picked up—gah, stupid duck fingers!—Donald's fallen magic staff and awkwardly got to her—webbed—feet. Oh this was freakin' ridiculous! She had no idea what had happened or why she was in this predicament.

Backburner, she mentally noted. Heartless now, body-swap weirdness later.

As the Heartless continued to converge on the trio, another problem presented itself. Tifa was a martial artist specialized in hand-to-hand combat. She had spent her life training her body to become a weapon. Donald Duck was a magician. Aside from basic incantations and attack spells, she was out of her comfort zone—in more ways than one.

"Furr—" She stammered, finding her mouth not coordinating with what she wanted to say. Shaking her head, she enunciated more deliberately. "Fira!"

Fire launched out of the staff in her hand, blasting through the Heartless near her. Goofy moved to cover her back.

"Gawrsh, where do they keep coming from?" He asked.

"Ack-dun-gno!" She garbled, getting frustrated at her inability to communicate. "Whath-oot!" She tried to warn Mickey, who slashed through two more Heartless.

**..:-X-:..**

"Er…" Rinoa sweat-dropped. "There was a—"

"I was just showing her how to block an attacker from behind!" Donald interrupted, trying to save this embarrassing situation.

There was no love lost between himself and Leon. In fact, only a grudging respect existed between them. The thought of explaining this to the man made Donald's lip curl. Oh, wait, it was actually curling right now. He flattened his lips consciously.

Leon's eyebrow quirked, though he wasn't scowling like he usually was when Donald saw him. Rinoa was looking at Donald with big eyes.

"Ye—ah." She went with it, looking to Leon. "I mean…I've never had any formal training…and…who better to teach me?"

Leon didn't look entirely convinced as Rinoa scrambled to her feet, but he didn't appear suspicious enough to question further as he crossed the room and offered Donald a hand up. The action bewildered Donald for a moment, but then he remembered that he was in Tifa's body—someone significantly closer to Leon than Donald.

He awkwardly took the offered hand, and Leon pulled him to his feet.

"I thought your policy was to never go easy on an opponent?" Leon smirked at 'Tifa'.

Unnerved by this side of Leon, Donald just stared at him uncomfortably. "Er…is it?"

Leon frowned lightly. "Are you okay?"

"Squall!" Rinoa interrupted, "Um, Leon," She corrected. "Hypothetical question. Who would one go to if a magic spell went horribly wrong, and Merlin was…unavailable?"

**..:-X-:..**

"Well, that looks like all of 'em!" Mickey said triumphantly as the final remains of the Heartless faded away into purple smoke.

Goofy wiped sweat from his brow, but Tifa nearly collapsed from exertion. She was used to muscle exhaustion and body soreness, but to battle using only spells had absolutely drained her with regard to magic and ether energy. How did Donald and Merlin do this?

"I think that's it for the day, yer Majesty." Goofy chirped. "Donald looks like he's had enough." He chuckled apprehensively, as though waiting for Donald's reprimand.

Tifa was too exhausted to supply that, however, and merely straightened, waving him off. "Yeah, yeah. Look, cad-we stobbye Radiant Garden?" She inwardly cursed at her messy speech.

Mickey walked back over to them. "What's wrong?"

_I have been turned into a DUCK!_ Tifa mentally barked, but stopped herself, speaking carefully. "It's just been a while since we've been there…I'd like to see how things are going."

Mickey shrugged, "Sure. Let's go."

As they walked to the Gummi, Tifa was glad the feathers on her face didn't betray how red she was. If she could just get back to Radiant Garden and fix this without revealing the whole dilemma to everybody, maybe she could save herself some embarrassment.

**..:-X-:..**

Now Leon looked suspicious. "That depends…Is it life threatening?"

"To some people." Donald murmured, shooting Rinoa a dark look.

The woman clasped her hands in front of her. "No…Just…horribly wrong."

Leon shrugged, "If it's not life threatening, then…hypothetically…one would just wait for Merlin to get back." He narrowed one eye. "What did you do?"

Rinoa waved her hands in front of her. "Nothing! Nothing! Hypothetical remember?"

"Whatever." Leon remained deadpan and looked to 'Tifa'. "Just to warn you, Aerith is looking for you…something Cloud-related."

What was the correct response for that?

Donald laughed loudly and smacked Leon on the shoulder. "I'll watch out then!"

Both Leon and Rinoa looked at him like he was insane. Leon side stepped away and moved toward the door again.

"Okay then." He looked wrong footed. "See you later tonight." He winked.

"Later!" Rinoa chirped with a wave.

Donald just gave him a thumb up.

As soon as Leon left and the door closed after that, Rinoa rounded on Donald. "Way to be subtle! Tifa is his wife, not his…whatever that little act was! Get it together!"

Donald grumbled, feeling grossed out by the whole exchange. "Shut up and give me that spellbook. I should be able to reverse this."

Preferably before finding out what 'later tonight' with a wink meant.

**..:-X-:..**

With Mickey's Gummi Ship docked in the hangar, Tifa practically bee-lined toward Merlin's house, praying to all that was holy that the sorcerer was home.

"Gee, Donald. What's your hurry?" Goofy asked, keeping up easily with his longer legs.

"I need to find Don—Tifa." She sputtered.

Maybe if she was stuck in his body, then Donald had ended up in her body. It was all the logic that she could make out of this at the moment. Besides, he was a magician in his own right. Surely he would be able to fix…however this had happened!

"What for?" Goofy queried.

There was a flash of light near the Borough, and Tifa felt a jolt move through her from the bottom of her webbed feet to the feathers on the top of her head. She wasn't sure whether to feel relief or anxiety about it.

"Just come on." She barreled ahead.

That flash had looked like magic, and it looked like it had come from Merlin's house. She nearly tripped over her awkward feet as she tried to run toward the Borough from the hangar.

**..:-X-:..**

It happened in a jumbled mess. After the spell's initial burst of energy at mixing the components, Donald had nearly blinded Tifa's eyes with the magic. He had gestured for Rinoa to step back, and the woman had upturned the table across the room and ducked behind it, as though he was going to explode.

Fairly confident that that wouldn't happen, he had finished the spell just as the front door of Merlin's house burst open. He barely saw a flash of white feathers come through the door before his incantation took hold and blinded him again.

When he next opened his eyes, he was standing in the doorway of Merlin's house, back to his normal height and balance, and was staring at Tifa Lockhart, who was standing in the middle of the room with a wand and a bewildered look on her face.

Rinoa's head popped out from behind the upturned table. "Did it work?"

Donald stepped inside and realized that his comrade Goofy was behind him.

"Did what work?" Goofy asked.

Tifa looked to the wand in her hand and dropped it like a hot coal. It clattered to the floor and Rinoa ducked behind the table again at the noise.

Donald waved off his friend's concern. "They were just practicing magic, right?" He looked pointedly at Rinoa, who had stood again and was smoothing her shorts.

"Er—right. Right, Tifa? That's all we were doing." She said carefully.

Tifa blinked and then frowned. "I hate magic."

Donald rubbed his hands together. "Well, I'm ready to go home."

Goofy looked puzzled. "But you said—"

"I don't care what I've said for the past hour. Let's go home." And with that, they left.

**..:-X-:..**

"A mending spell." Tifa asked flatly after Rinoa had explained everything.

Rinoa was beet red and playing with one lock of hair, staring at her knees. "I know. It was stupid. I should have checked the spell more closely."

"A mending spell." Tifa repeated, eye twitching.

Rinoa swallowed and stood. "I…I think I should just go."

"A. Mending. Spell." Tifa iterated once more.

Rinoa bolted out the door. Alone now, Tifa slumped into the couch and let her head loll back against the backrest, utterly spent by the afternoon's bizarre events. At least it had been easily remedied…Though after all that, she just wanted to go home, take a hot shower, and never speak of it ever again.

Just then, Merlin walked through the front door, looking jet lagged and adjusting his spectacles.

"Good afternoon, Tifa." He greeted jovially. "Did I miss anything while I was away?"

**..:-X-:..**

**A/N:** The wonderful ridiculous-ness of this prompt nearly killed me. Props to The Sacred and Profane, this request almost stumped me. I hope the result was satisfactory XD

A few notes about this one. My interpretation of a few scenes in the Kingdom Hearts games leads me to believe that Donald doesn't like Leon very much. He doesn't outright dislike him; they just aren't fond of each other. I also theorize that, considering his temper, Donald probably has a filthy mouth. It's just that no one can understand him, so it gets covered up.

Also, some time has passed between the end of _As the Sun Sets on Mushroom Clouds_ and this ditty, so Rinoa has more or less accepted Leon and Tifa being together and is moving on at this point. Don't worry; I plan on tackling that whole snafu in a later fic (cough-_T Minus One Year_-cough). I'm also still dawdling with Rinoa's Alliance-verse characterization; so if she was a little off in this…that's why.

Thanks for reading!


	10. Frienemies and Origami

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, its characters or storyline. These ditties are mine. Could it be…some character development this chapter? (le gasp!) Well, there's not really too much of it, but the prompt called for some exploration of where Leon and Cloud are in their enemy/ally status. For those unfamiliar with my Alliance-verse, for a long time, Leon and Cloud HATED each other. They're getting a little better now, but…you'll see. Enjoy!**

**..:-X-:..**

**010 – Frienemies and Origami**

**(**For WishingDreamer5; Prompt: 'the rivalry between Cloud and Leon')

After slaving over the mountains of data memory towers and network devices for three hours, Cid finally called a timeout just long enough for Leon and Cloud to come up for air.

"I'm going to try rebooting the system again." Cid called down from the catwalk that connected Tron's computer room to the rest of the old office of Ansem the Wise. "Gimme a few minutes."

"A few minutes." Leon grumbled, glaring up from where he and Cloud had been working, several stories below. "Cid, it's an oven down here. Give it some time to cool down."

"A'right, don't get your panties in a wad." Cid grumbled. "How about a half hour? Does that suit Your Highness?"

Leon just flipped Cid his middle finger and the older man snorted, disappearing back into the computer room. Cloud sorely maneuvered away from the piles of electronics that they had been sorting through. Due to some new glitch in the computer wiring, the security system around Radiant Garden had been on the fritz. The three of them had been working on the mechanism all day and hardly made any progress. Whatever the glitch was had also been making Tron flighty and irritable, so the quirky program hadn't been much help.

Which meant that while Cid got to poke and pry at the computer way up in the air conditioned office, Cloud and Leon had been banished to manually checking all of the network towers in the cavernous chamber below, where the overheating machines had created an atmosphere equivalent to Hell.

Efforts to update the old security system had been ongoing for the past few months, but it was slow progress. So much so that desks and chairs and a mini-fridge had winged their ways down to the lower chamber, just for days like this: where people were stuck down here doing constant checks and reconfigurations.

Cloud could handle work. He enjoyed hard work and being left to his own devices in that work. After being around Leon so often lately, he had figured out that the other man was exactly the same way. That all would have been well and good, had they had not the tendency to get at each other's throats at the slightest provocation.

Fortunately, the heat and fatigue of the afternoon had squashed any desire to start a fight, so the two men just took the opportunity to take a break from the machines and sit down.

"He's a slave driver." Cloud grumbled, dropping into the seat to the left of the weathered desk, behind which Leon was sitting.

Leon shrugged, poking at the pile of paper wads that had been left on top of the desk. "You get used to it."

There was just the slightest drop of condescension in his tone.

Cloud straightened a little. "I wasn't complaining."

"I wasn't insinuating that you were." Leon took up one of the paper wads, unfolding it.

Yes you were, Cloud thought, but settled for narrowing his eyes.

Cloud was unsure about many things, but of one thing he was certain: Leon was a smug bastard. Cloud didn't deny that the man had done some impressive things: rebuilding Radiant Garden, organizing the Restoration Committee, and surviving one of Tifa's right hooks not among the least of them. But it wasn't even those big impressive things that he was a smug bastard about. It was the small, bizarre things—like completing his quarterly patrol reports before Yuffie did and when his dog marked her territory on Fenrir. It was all the more salt on the wounds when Cloud looked at the Venn Diagram that was the comparison between himself and Leon.

One was head of the Restoration Committee, running the weapons specialist department of the Alliance, happily married, enjoying newlywed-hood in a new house, and garnering the respect of pretty much every soul in Radiant Garden. The other was a drifter, tied just loosely enough to the Restoration Committee to be put on paperwork duty, with an undefined relationship status, living in a rinky-dink apartment on the fringe of the city, and lucky to have six people in the world know his name.

Sure, they had put most of the ugliness behind them, but there was a competitive rivalry that he doubted would ever completely be extinguished. And while it was nice not to have to worry about the guy sticking pins in a Cloud voodoo doll behind his back, Cloud still couldn't boast being actual friends with the man. Besides, Aerith was the one who kept—

"What are you doing?" Cloud blurted in exasperation.

Leon had been fiddling with and unfolding more of the little paper wads, much to Cloud's irritation.

"McCallister must have worked the last shift down here." Leon said…as if that answered the question.

Cloud gave him a flat look and then gazed at the paper wads. On second glance, they weren't exactly haphazard mashes of paper. They were folded and bent, all identical, like origami or something. The ones that Leon had salvaged so far were lined up on the table beside the pile, and Cloud squinted one eye to make them out.

"Birds?" He prompted.

"Cranes." Leon corrected, unfolding another one. "She folds paper cranes when she's bored."

"That's weird."

Leon glared at him. "Shut up."

He held one of the cranes up by the back, aimed, and threw it toward the cardboard box that they had been using as a trash can. It sailed for a second or two before taking an abrupt nose dive to the right, dropping gracelessly to the concrete floor a few feet from the box.

"You…shut up." Cloud retorted dryly, snatching up one of the cranes.

Leon snickered at the comeback and tossed another crane. This one, with one very bent wing, keeled left immediately and smacked into the floor, not even close to the cardboard box. For a while, Cloud and Leon had been as near to enemies as you could get without actually drawing blood. Along the way, they each had discovered the other's hot buttons: Tifa, Sephiroth, Rinoa, Heartless, fear of failure, insane insecurity levels, and the like. They had then promptly pushed those buttons until one of them exploded.

Strangely, Cloud had never pictured Private McCallister as one of Leon's hot buttons. The soldier was an oddball, to be sure, and she would walk into the jaws of Hell with a smile on her face if Leon told her to…but Cloud had never figured that the feeling between them was mutual.

This could be fun.

"I distinctly remember warning you about her when she was in basic. She's weird." Cloud offered, aiming the crane in his hand toward the trash box and tossing it.

The crane glided for a few feet and then dropped to the floor beside the first crane that Leon had thrown. Cloud's was closer to the box.

Leon pursed his lips and picked up another crane, not biting at the bait. Instead, he threw the crane. This one overshot the box entirely and crashed into one of the overheated computer towers. He hmphed and slouched a little in his seat.

Feeling a little smug now and not completely sure why, Cloud took up a crane, unfolding it from its wadded up state and aiming at the box again.

"These must have taken hours to make." He mused aloud, throwing the thing.

It veered left and plopped to the floor.

"Clearly there's not much to do down here on a patrol shift." Leon quipped, squinting at the underside of the wing of the crane that he was currently holding.

Then, instead of throwing it like the others, he set it aside, almost carefully. When he looked back, he met Cloud's eyes, and Cloud raised an inquiring eyebrow.

"Number 635." Leon explained, indicating the little paper bird. "She only numbers the ones that aren't all bent up and mangled looking when she gets done with them."

When Cloud's other eyebrow went up, Leon grunted.

"She's been trying to reach 1000 paper cranes for about a year now…You know, the whole 'fold a thousand cranes and make a wish' thing." Leon waved a hand absently.

"Yeeeah. She's weird."

"Your face is weird." Leon said, and his defensive tone made Cloud smirk.

But as they continued to throw the paper cranes, trying to aim them into the trash box, Cloud set aside any that he came across with numbers scrawled on them.

For a while, they continued to just sit there, tossing the little cranes toward the trash box. They were just passing time, trying to cool off before being sent back into that mess of wires, monitors, and buttons, and the cranes were there…and…who wouldn't benefit from target practice?

Unfortunately, it was never just idle target practice. After a few minutes, one of Leon's tossed cranes hit the edge of the trash box. It bounced out and landed flat on the floor a foot away. Progress. The bar had been raised. Getting close to the box wasn't good enough now.

Cloud shifted slightly in his seat, taking up yet another paper crane, aiming, and throwing it toward the trash box. It sailed and seemed to actually fly directly toward the cardboard box, and Cloud thought for a wild moment that it would land inside the box and he would win this bizarre impromptu competition.

But then another crane zoomed in and knocked his off-course. Both paper birds flopped to the floor. Cloud exhaled and glared over at Leon, who had haphazardly thrown the thing to intercept Cloud's winning shot.

"You're a dick." Cloud grumbled, folding his arms and sitting back.

This was a stupid game and Leon was stupid too. They were grown men, and they were seriously getting competitive over…over who could throw away crappy paper cranes better?

Leon ignored him, picking up another crane from the dwindling pile. This one apparently didn't have a number on it, because he promptly aimed and threw it. Before he had fully made up his mind to do it, Cloud's leg involuntarily shot out, dropkicking the crane out of the air and away from its intended target. Then, just as quickly, he retracted his foot and returned to his casual position.

Leon blinked at him. "You bitch."

From high above in the computer room, Cid leaned out of the doorway. "Rebooting."

Both Cloud and Leon started slightly, looking up at him.

"All right." Leon replied to him, lowering his gaze.

Locking eyes, the two warriors glared daggers at each other for a long , almost in unison, they snatched up the remainder of the paper cranes and started throwing them at the cardboard box target. Stupid or not, Cloud would be damned if he let Leon beat him at yet another thing in his life. It just wasn't fair. And, at the moment, merely defeating him in this idiotic competition felt like it would alleviate some of that unfairness.

A single paper crane, amidst the army of kamikaze birds, dropped into the box while its brothers and sisters littered the floor around it.

Leon and Cloud stopped, both having jumped to their feet at some point during the heat of it all and both now slightly out of breath from the effort of it. They stared at the single solitary crane, which was lying on its side inside the trash box, neither sure which of them had thrown it.

Oh, this was ridiculous.

"Says it's reconfiguring…" Cid yelled. "What the Hell are you two doing down there?"

Leon broke the stare first with a huff, going to check the whirring towers again. Cloud stood there fuming for a moment before going to do the same.

"Tower 105 Functional." Leon yelled up to Cid after checking the first network tower.

Cloud checked the first tower that he came to, his hands moving of their own accord to verify that it was functional also. Seeing it reconfiguring correctly, he yelled back up to Cid. "Tower 402 Functional."

The lift door by the desk opened then and Aerith stepped out, looking on the verge of telling them something before her gaze fell to the battlefield of thrown paper cranes.

"What in Kingdom Hearts…" She put her hands on her hips and looked to the two. "It took me half an hour to pick these things up and you two just threw them back again."

"Pick them up?" Cloud quirked an eyebrow, exchanging a confused look with Leon. "I think Private McCallister left them down here after her shift."

The soldier definitely did not strike Cloud as one to leave a mess like that behind.

"She did," Aerith huffed. "And then Tifa and Yuffie worked the next shift and thought it would be funny to recreate some…space battle or something. It was a mess…It's not funny, Leon."

Leon was indeed snickering at it, even as Aerith scolded them like they were children and cleaned up the mess a second time. The two resumed yelling affirmatives back up to Cid, who it seemed had finally succeeded in rebooting the entire security system.

"That was my crane that ended up in the box first." Cloud cut in to steal the victory.

"Whatever." Leon's Smug Bastard smirk was back.

"Dick." Cloud hissed.

"Bitch." Leon retorted.

"Oh, will you two cut it out and help me clean this up!"

**..:-X-:..**

**A/N:** I feel like Leon came off as kind of an ass-hat in this chapter, which makes me sad because I love him so…but considering it was pretty much through Cloud's perspective, I think that angle makes sense (snort, snort).

If you haven't concluded this already, Leon and Private McCallister have a 'special relationship'. Bless their mutual awkwardness XD


	11. Stag Night

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, its characters or storyline. This collection is mine, as is Jake. There were quite a few ways that this ditty could have gone, but in keeping with my Alliance universe, this is how it turned out. Plenty of fun little inside-jokes in this one for those familiar with my other works. Enjoy!**

**..:-X-:..**

**011 – Stag Night**

(For Axenthia; Prompt: 'belated bachelor party')

"Two pair." Leon said, placing his cards face up on the table.

"Ah, Hell." Cid groaned and threw his hand of cards down with a grumble.

Jake did the same. "I'm out."

Leon looked across the table to Cloud, waiting for his reaction. The blond puffed lightly on his cigar, exhaling smoke and looking back at him evenly. They had the house all to themselves, since Aerith and Yuffie had dragged Tifa out for a girls' night. After Cid had busted out the box of cigars, the group had taken their game out to the back porch.

Cloud shifted slightly in his seat before dropping his cards down. "Full house."

"Dammit." Leon mumbled, as Cloud raked the chips toward himself with a triumphant grin.

"Kid, your poker face is downright unnerving." Cid shook his head, taking up the cards and re-shuffling them.

Jake looked down at his cell phone absently, sending yet another text message. Leon cast him a wary look.

"No, Jake." He said firmly.

Jake looked up. "Huh? I was only—"

"I don't care. No."

Cid snickered and Cloud took the cigar from his mouth. "What's he doing?"

All three of them looked at Jake accusingly, and he stood firm for a whole two seconds before cracking. "Her name is Candy. She's tall, red-head, and really flexible."

Cloud choked on smoke and Cid snorted.

"No." Leon pointed at Jake. "No strippers."

"What?" Both Jake and Cid looked at him at that.

Leon looked at them. "This whole idea is backward anyway, but I let you drag me into it. I draw the line at strippers."

"What man draws the line at strippers?" Cid looked aghast.

"A married one." Leon rounded on Cid.

"This is a bachelor party—" Jake started.

"I'm already married!"

"—belated bachelor party." Jake corrected smoothly. "It's not our fault that you got married before we could throw you a proper one, and a proper one demands scantily clad women!"

"Did Tifa specifically say no strippers?" Cid argued.

"No, but—"

"But…"

"It's the principal of the thing!" Leon argued. "Besides, Cloud's already gambled nearly 50 munny out of me."

Cloud replaced the cigar between his lips with a smirk. "Damn skippy."

"And," Leon went on, "This is the most I've been out of the house in three days."

"This is the back porch." Cid snorted.

"It's still outside the house. Not much of anywhere else I can go while I'm gimpy." Leon pointed to the heavy brace around his knee, having just come home three days ago since having knee surgery after wrenching it badly out of joint in a recent mission.

"Which is why Candy is perfect!" Jake snapped his fingers. "She's really flexible, believe me, so she won't mess up any of—" He gestured to the knee brace. "Consider it a wedding gift." He checked his phone again before Leon could protest. "And she's about five minutes away."

"Five…She can't come here." Leon barked.

Cid chuckled. "Sounds like it's too late."

"Then call her and cancel." Leon rounded back on Jake.

Before Jake could argue, Cloud had stood up. "I've got a better idea, and one that involves clothes staying on." He noted, walking toward the back door of Leon and Tifa's house.

"Why is this a big deal?" Jake looked amused. "You've been around strippers before."

Leon didn't respond to that.

Cid guffawed, "You're kidding me. Never?"

Leon shifted uncomfortably. "I've kept a clean record and I'd like to keep it that way…especially now that I'm MARRIED." He emphasized.

Cloud came back outside with a white sheet draped over one arm and a box under the other. He set the box down and started unfolding the sheet. The doorbell rang, and Cloud and Cid looked over to Jake and Leon. Jake and Leon exchanged a look and then Jake sprang to his feet.

"I'll get it!" He darted into the house to answer the door.

"No, hey!" Leon started to go after him, but his bum knee prevented him from pursuing.

Cloud snickered, hanging up the white sheet and pulling out a game console. He tugged out a wireless controller and tossed it to Leon. "Think fast."

Leon caught the thing and looked to Cloud quizzically. "What is this?"

Cloud finished hooking up the console and projector and flipped them on. The projector shot a 'start game' screen onto the hanging white sheet. He lifted a game case. "Newest release."

Jake opened the back door and returned to the porch, leading behind him a leggy young woman with wild, curly red hair. "Guys, I would like you to meet Candy."

Candy had perfectly manicured nails, very light eye make up, and was wearing a skin tight green blouse and leather skirt that left little to the imagination. She took the shoulder bag from her arm and set it down on the floor boards, offering a little wave.

"Boys." She greeted with a coy smile.

"Ma'am." Cid lit himself a fresh cigar and lifted his eyebrows at Leon, who looked nearly half his actual age at the moment and scared out of his wits at the sight of the woman.

"So who's the lucky groom-to-be?" Candy rolled her shoulders, the blouse working hard to contain her ample bosom.

"There is no groom-to-be." Leon was waving his hands in front of his face.

"First timer, eh?" She winked.

"Never-timer." Leon commented, looking to Cid imploringly for help.

Cloud finished hooking up the game. "Guys, if he doesn't want a stripper, then he doesn't want a stripper."

Jake looked like the wind had been let out of his sails. "Seriously? Aw, c'mon."

Leon pointed around the porch. "One day, my kids are going to play on this porch, and I don't want it to be the same porch where I got a lap dance from someone who wasn't their mother." He glared at Jake. "Just pay the lady for her trouble and let her go home."

Jake still looked reluctant, but Candy tilted her head, "That's really sweet." She looked over to the game on the projector screen. "Is that the newest release? I heard the creators re-designed the fifth level so that the camera motion doesn't jar in the corners."

Cid straightened, "Hey, why don't we let the lady stay anyway? All clothes can stay on." He negotiated with a wink.

Cloud pulled his chair away from the table and set it in front of the projector screen, taking up his own hand controller. He exchanged a look with Leon, who rolled his eyes and looked to Jake and Cid.

"Fine." He took a hold of his crutches and maneuvered to his feet, shuffling around the poker table and meandering across the porch.

This wasn't exactly going as he'd thought it would. He hoped Tifa was having better luck with her belated bachelorette party than he was with this party.

Jake made a gesture that said 'make yourself at home' and Candy did so, taking a seat at the table across from Cid, who offered her a cigar after clipping the end for her. She took it with a nod and struck a match against the heel of her shoe, lighting the cigar.

Cloud hooked his foot around one of the chairs and tugged it over in front of the projector screen wordlessly. Leon took the offering and sat down, gingerly propping his leg up on a nearby chair and setting his crutches side. Taking up the controller, he looked to Cloud.

"I'm gonna get back all that munny that you swindled me out of earlier." He threatened hollowly, looking at the controller. "Player Two, really?"

Cloud snickered, "I'm always Player One." He clicked into the game.

For a few minutes, things settle down after that. Leon and Cloud got into their game—which quickly escalated into a full-blown competition, complete with swearing and threatening bodily harm—and Cid dealt out a round of cards for himself, Jake, and Candy.

"We could up the stakes." Jake offered. "Strip poker?"

"What happened to clothes staying on?" Candy prompted, but she was grinning.

"Leon's not even paying attention anymore…" Jake waved off the concern.

Across the porch, Leon was practically leaning sideways, trying to get his avatar to run faster to the left. "Run, you bastard!"

"Got you in my sights, loser!" Cloud was punching the attack button on his controller like a madman beside him.

Candy chuckled, "I don't think you really want to play strip poker against me, handsome." She winked, "We all might end up seeing more of you than anyone here would like."

Cid snorted as Jake turned red.

"Challenge accepted." Jake held his hand of cards up to his eyes.

Cid poured three shots of tequila out for them. "Bottoms up."

Several rounds of cards and shots later, the cards were abandoned—most of them being sticky with alcohol by then anyway. Jake huffed from where he sat, gathering up his clothes that Candy had single-handedly gambled off of him. Across the table, Candy, having lost only her shoes and blouse, was sitting on the table in front of Cid, who had also only lost his shoes.

"I'm going home." Jake announced sourly.

"What time is it?" Leon glanced over and then nearly dropped his controller to shield his eyes. "Where are your clothes?"

"Too early for naked time." Jake said, tugging his pants back on and untangling his shirt.

Cloud laughed at him, but was distracted long enough that Leon snatched the controller from his hands and flung it out into the yard.

"Dick." Cloud said, getting up and going to retrieve it.

Jake pulled his shirt over his head, shoving his arms through the sleeves. "Leon, it's been real and it's been fun, but it ain't been real fun." He offered a smirk. "Enjoy life with the old ball and chain."

Leon—a little tipsy at this point thanks to Cid's forceful round of shots—sent him a lazy salute and proceeded to finish destroying Cloud's player in their game.

"Ack, hey, you sonova—" Cloud scrambled to get back into playing range, nearly faceplanting in his rush.

Unfortunately, Leon had thoroughly finished him off by that point and shot him a smug, slightly drunk look. Cloud frowned and looked over to Cid and Candy. At this point, the woman had reclined across the table and drawn lines of salt and tequila across her stomach, while Cid proceeded to do the body shot on her.

Candy sat up, "Y'know, usually it's the best man who pays my rate for things like this."

Cid and Cloud looked to Leon. Since there had been no traditional 'wedding', there had been no traditional 'best man', and honestly, Leon hadn't spared any of that a second thought…

"Well, this was Jake's idea…" Cid suggested.

…though Jake Alms probably wouldn't have even been invited to the wedding, if there had been one.

"…and I nabbed his credit card before he left." Cid held up the plastic card.

Cloud snorted, "Sounds valid to me."

Cid grinned as Candy lay out another line of body shot. "Thank you, Jake." He said wistfully.

_Meanwhile across town…_

The bass of the music thundered through the floor as the disco lights flashed across every surface in the club: table, drinks, and skin. Wearing the gaudy 'bachelorette' tiara that Yuffie had forced on her, Tifa took another drink from her pina colada.

On the stage in front of her, three men—a cop, a firefighter, and a soldier—continued to suggestively remove their hats, jackets, and more as they danced. She laughed as Yuffie catcalled and bobbed in her seat beside her.

On Tifa's other side, Aerith threw back another shot of whiskey and yelled. "Take it all off!"

**..:-X-:..**

**A/N:** Having a weird weekend apparently causes me to write a brain-fart chapter. My apologies, but I hope it was enjoyable anyway!


	12. I Dreamt I was a Moron

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, its characters or storyline. This collection is mine.**

**Hoo-boy, where to begin with this one? Firstly, quite a bit of creative license was taken with this prompt; it does take place in my Alliance-verse. As implausible as this may seem, I see a big amount of potential in this one for a future full-length story. I had loads of fun writing it. So, everybody put on your flexible-brain hats and let's dig in.**

**..:-X-:..**

**012 – I Dreamt I Was a Moron**

(For The Sacred and Profane; Prompt: 'Tifa meets Laguna, Squall unable to stop his father from telling all the embarrassing baby stories he can.')

"…and I left him alone for thirty seconds, tops, and when I came back…" The man made twin dramatic arm gestures. "Every single pot, pan, and skillet in the kitchen was on the floor."

Leon groaned and put his palm over his face, grimacing. "Okay, that's enough."

Beside him, Tifa looked absolutely giddy. "Well, Leon, I didn't realize you were such a trouble maker as a child."

"Trouble maker?" His father laughed cheerfully. "This one time, when he was really young, he got into his mother's make up drawer and ended up with bright red lipstick all the way around—" He ran a finger in a wide berth around his lips.

Tifa had a hand over her mouth and her other arm around her ribs to contain the giggles, even as Leon sent her a scolding look. Laguna rambled on.

"I might even have..." He dug his wallet out of his back pocket, flipping through the numerous pictures inside. "Yep. Checkitcheckitcheckit." He whipped one of them out.

Tifa took it and Leon saw his two-year old self in the middle of the pictures, looking like he'd been drawn on with clown make up for the wide swath of red around his mouth. Tifa laughed so hard that she snorted and Leon snatched the picture away from her.

"He may have gotten his good looks from me, but everything else he got from his mom…and her good looks too." Laguna boasted. "There was this ball pit, right? And…how old were you…Three? Four? Anyway, he got into this ball pit and started trying to arrange different sections of the pit by the color of the ball."

Leon felt his face burning. "Everybody does nonsensical stuff like that when they're kids."

Tifa, however, lifted a finger. "Oh, wait, but last week I caught you arranging the silver ware in the drawer by the designs on the handles."

Laguna chuckled along with her, looking to Leon. "Really?"

Hunching his shoulders defensively, Leon murmured under his breath, "That way they're in order."

"Right, right. You show those spoons and forks who's boss, son." Laguna clapped his hand over Leon's shoulder, causing Leon to shrink into himself further. He abruptly looked back toward Tifa. "Did he tell you about the cat?"

Tifa's eyebrow shot up, and so did Leon's head. "No."

"No." Leon repeated forcefully to his father. "No cat stories."

"Well, now you HAVE to tell cat stories." Tifa looked merry in his torture.

Laguna winked at her, "I like you. Anyway, his sister Ellone adopted this cat and named it Peaches…and this cat—" He was already snickering. "—did not like little Squall."

"Leon." Leon absently corrected.

"We eventually had to get the thing de-clawed because it would launch itself at him whenever he tried to pet it." Laguna chortled. "Peaches was the nicest, sweetest little feline that you would ever meet…but for some reason, it just did not like Squall."

"Leon." He corrected again flatly. "I hated that cat."

"What eventually happened to Peaches?" Tifa inquired.

Laguna shrugged, "One summer she just ran away, never to be seen or heard from again." He elbowed Leon, "Squall told his sister that the neighbor probably cooked it in a stew."

Tifa gawked, "Leon, that's horrible."

Leon lifted his hands to argue. "The neighbor was nuts. She was this crazy old lady who sold wooden shoes off her front porch. It was a plausible explanation."

"She probably just ran away because you tried to vacuum her so many times." Laguna folded his arms.

Tifa looked mortified and curious at the same time.

"I was six. I vacuumed everything." Leon responded.

"Oh yes, I had forgotten that you were quite the vacuum maestro when you were that age." Laguna tapped his chin. "Vacuumed the floor, the rugs, the curtains, the cat, the garden, your sister…" He suddenly burst out laughing, "And what was that one song that you would jam on the stereo whenever you did it?"

Tifa looked from Laguna to Leon. "You used to SING while you vacuumed?" She then whispered, "Who are you?"

Laguna bobbed his head, humming the tune, "Hold on, I'll remember if I can get to the chorus…da-dadum—da-da-da-dum…" He snapped his fingers and spun to Leon, bursting out into song. "It's the…EYE OF THE TIGER, it's the thrill of the fight…RISING UP to the challenge of our rival—" He egged on Leon to join.

Leon pursed his lips, not going along with this. Laguna remained poised in his stance and Tifa snickered. "He's not moving on until you do it."

Seeing no way out, Leon sighed and mumbled, "And the last known survivor stalks his prey in the night."

Laguna bounced into some form of violent air guitar, belting out the lyrics, "And he's watching us all with the EYEEEEEEEEE of the tiger!" Just as smoothly, he dropped out of the air guitar and back into his lax stance, looking Tifa. "It was playing on the radio when we first brought him home from the hospital. Love at first tune." He winked.

Leon had just about had his fill of this game. He hadn't even really wanted to meet up with his father. This afternoon had been all Tifa's doing. She was convinced that he would be happier if he could mend the gap between him and his old man. But that was just it. There wasn't a gap to mend. The man had raised him almost single handedly after his mother died, but they were just different people.

Different being that Leon wasn't an overgrown man-child with the attention span of a brick.

Laguna was prattling on again—Leon caught the gist of some story about how he had been afraid of thunderstorms when he was little—but Leon looked to Tifa, who was soaking in every word like a sponge. Why? What had spurred this sudden interest in his family history? There wasn't much to tell. It wasn't all that interesting. Did she think that he was unhappy because of it or something? He had been happier for the past few months than he had been in the past 10 or so years.

Where was all of this coming from?

He shook his head to clear his thoughts and looked across the street. A woman, probably in her early thirties or late twenties, was sitting at an outdoor café. This was not an uncommon sight in this part of Radiant Garden, and Leon would have gone back to trying to save his dignity from his father's clutches, but the woman was…staring at him. Just…blatantly, shamelessly staring in a way that he couldn't interpret. So Leon stared back.

She looked familiar, but he couldn't place who she was or why he recognized her. She had short brown hair that fell to her chin, fair skin, and was wearing a blue sleeveless blouse and a white pencil skirt. A green shawl hung around her elbows and looped around her back. She almost looked…remorseful? Before he could figure out what to make of this development, the mysterious woman lifted a finger to her lips in a hushing motion.

"—right, Squall?" Laguna's voice brought him back to the conversation.

Leon looked to Laguna and then to Tifa, having no idea what he'd just been asked. "Um, I don't—" He looked back across the street.

The woman was gone.

"Ha!" Laguna pointed at him, as though his lack of response was incriminating.

Tifa snorted into her fist.

Leon was still too wrongfooted by the strange woman's appearance and disappearance to properly respond, and it must have shown, because Tifa touched his arm.

"Are you okay?" She asked, still amused.

He looked to Laguna, but his vision was a little fuzzy. "Yeah, I—"

Tifa canted her head, "What? That was clearly at his eyes. No way that was a strike."

Leon frowned, "What?"

Suddenly, like a bungee cord tied around his chest, Leon felt himself be jerked backward off his feet. It felt like he was thrown through a wall, and with a snap, he found himself sitting up in his chair, hands spread across the paper-strewn surface of the kitchen table at his house. A piece of paper was stuck to the side of his face, and he could see Tifa sitting on the sectional couch in the living room across the hallway, watching a baseball game on the television.

"What is wrong with this umpire? Is he blind?" Tifa was ranting, gesturing at the screen.

Cold disorientation poured over Leon and he pawed at his face to get rid of the paper. The writing on the papers across the table looked like chicken scratch, all meshing together in a confusing mess. That had…all been a dream. He had just fallen asleep at the table after…Right, it was starting to come back. He had been sorting through new applicants' paperwork for the weapons specialist program, of which he was the head of the department. A few applicants had been painfully thorough in their genealogies…Family history must have been on his mind…

Still…what the Hell?

"You okay?" Tifa had looked over and noticed his frazzled state.

Mind still spinning, Leon clamored roughly out of his chair and crossed into the hallway, bee-lining up the stairs to the second floor.

"Leon—" Tifa sounded like she was following out of concern.

Staggering slightly when he misjudged the top step, Leon hooked left down the second floor hallway to the closet that they used for storage.

This wasn't making sense. Sure, half of one's dreams were utter nonsense anyway, but there was always a grain of truth, some shred of logic to them. Why in Kingdom Hearts had he dreamed of some…some weirdo named Laguna being his father?

As he pulled open the closet door and started rummaging through the boxes on the top shelf inside, Leon tried to hold onto that dream image of the man. He looked familiar, and he knew that he recognized that name. Finding the box that he was looking for, Leon dragged it out from the shelf and ended up dropping in on the floor in his haste. By then, Tifa had reached the top of the stairs and was looking at him in bewilderment.

"What's going on? You're pale." She asked.

Leon had been adopted by his maternal uncle and aunt. He knew that. They had never told him as much, and they were dead now thanks to the invasion of Radiant Garden by the Heartless over ten years ago. His mind still wrestled with plausible reasons as to why they hadn't told him themselves, why he'd had to find out later, in an accidental contact with some old personnel files. Had they thought that he couldn't handle it? He had been 17 when the Heartless came. He had handled THAT; he sure as Hell could have handled—

Hitting his knees, he had flipped open the box and shuffled through the mess inside. It was one of five or six boxes of personal possessions that he had salvaged from his childhood home in the old residential district before the Alliance had flattened the entire area. The house had been in shambles—ten years of war against the Heartless, looting, and squatting had not been kind to it—and the small manor had been stripped of most valuables and dignity. Still, he had managed to recover some things, like his mother's—aunt's—brass chess set and a few photo albums.

Like the weathered blue one that found his hands at that moment.

Leon forced himself to breathe as he looked at the little album. He had been adopted because his biological mother had died a few days after he was born…complications…her death certificate had been filed in the same box as his birth certificate. Her name had been Raine Leonhart. There had been no father listed on his birth certificate. And by the time he had found those documents, his adoptive parents were dead...not exactly available for explanation.

Which had left him with a thousand questions and not one damn answer.

Tifa was on her knees beside him, quiet. She had never seen the inside of those boxes that he had taken from his old house. She had learned not to ask. It was his past, and that was where it needed to stay. But this…this was different. This was…not possible.

He rifled through several pages of the album. Most of the pictures looked to have been taken when he was roughly five or six years old. He stopped in the middle of turning a page, his eyes finding what he had been looking for: a photo of his dad—uncle, he mentally corrected with a grimace—holding a rifle in one hand and had his other arm flung around…him. Laguna. Both men were in hunting gear and camouflage. That was where Leon recognized him from: Laguna Loire had been hunting buddies with his dad—er, uncle. Leon remembered seeing him on occasion, but when he had been eight or nine years old, the man had stopped showing up. Like he'd disappeared off the face of the planet, and neither of his adoptive parents had spoken of him after…and Leon hadn't asked. Hadn't noticed really, too busy being eight years old.

"Leon, you're scaring me." Tifa's gentle voice dragged him back to reality.

He looked at her briefly, tearing his eyes away from the picture. Why would his subconscious drag this man back from the wells of his past for the sake of some cracky dream? Who was the woman who had stared at him in the dream? Tifa touched his shoulder.

"Who is that?" She asked softly, looking at the hunting picture.

He grimaced against a coming headache. "I don't know." He murmured.

But he had to find out.

**..:-X-:..**

**A/N:** I have poked at Leon's lineage as a possible storyline before, but for some reason, this prompt really got my creative juices going. This follows the consistency of other ditties and oneshots that I've written where Leon's parents and childhood are mentioned. I would LOVE to do a full story on it eventually…time willing.

The title comes from the line from Squall in FFVIII. Also, no ownership or affiliation with the band Survivor or their song "Eye of the Tiger."

All of these prompts so far have been awesome! Feel free to keep submitting!

Happy Father's Day!


	13. Lather, Rinse, Repeat

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, its characters or storyline. This collection is mine, as is Duke.**

**This prompt warmed my little heart, as it explicitly demanded more of my dog OC, Leon's pet Duke the golden retriever. Reader response to this character has given me warm fuzzies, and I'm glad you guys like her so much. Enjoy!**

**..:-X-:..**

**013 – Lather, Rinse, Repeat**

(For Axenthia; Prompt: 'Duke')

Duke was filthy. Leon had no idea what the dog had gotten into, but she was not allowed back in the house until she got a proper bath. Of this, Leon was sure. Unfortunately, Duke had decided that she WAS allowed in the house and no, she did not want a bath.

"Stay!" Leon snapped, chasing the golden retriever down the hallway. "Duke, stop!"

Duke yipped and ducked out of the hallway, bolting through the kitchen and into the living room, claws clacking across the wooden floor as she did so. Leon skidded on her mud trail as he made after her, grabbing onto the corner of the wall to keep himself upright.

"Bad dog. Sit! Duke." He ordered.

He managed to get her into a corner in the living room, blocking her path. She pawed at the floor, mouth open in a canine grin, her dirty tail smacking against either side of the wall corner. She thought this was a game, that they were playing something. That was going to make this more difficult.

"Easy." Leon spread his palms, taking one slow step closer. "Don't make this hard…"

Duke bobbed her head and perked her ears, lolling her tongue at him. As he took a step closer, the dog made her move, darting past him. Leon stumbled and tried to grab her, but only managed to get one hand around her tail. He quickly let go as she passed, not wanting to hurt her, and ended up sprawling to the floor for his effort. Duke, for her part, crossed the living room and hopped out the front door.

Rolling back up to his feet, Leon went after her. "Duke!"

The dog had made it out the front door, across the front yard, through the gate, around the fence, and into the neighbor's yard. Leon gave chase, darting around the fence and nearly wiping out on the neighbor's shrubbery. He managed to leap over it like a hurdler and nearly faceplanted into the grass to regain his balance. Duke was barreling around to the neighbor's backyard. Herman, Leon and Tifa's neighbor, leaned around from the back porch.

"Bath day?" He offered as Leon ran past after the golden retriever.

Herman's two kids, twin five year olds Parker and Zach, squealed and joined Leon in chasing Duke, but they soon gave up after both dog and man lapped them. Duke tore through the garden in their front yard, where Herman's wife Charlotte was nursing her suffering plants. She cried out in surprise as Leon barely sidestepped around the mess.

"Gah! Leon!" She put a startled hand over her heart.

"Sorry! Sorry!" Leon staggered after the dog, "Duke, stay!"

Chasing her back onto his and Tifa's front yard, Leon closed the gate to keep her contained and got between her and the backyard. He spread his arms.

"All right, this is how this is going to go." He said lowly, out of breath from the chase. "You're going to get a bath, whether you want it or not. So just…stand still…and stop running."

Duke bounced to her left, and Leon side stepped to his right. The dog hopped backward and then immediately to her right, so Leon shuffled to his left, blocking her at each turn. The dog snorted once at him and lowered her head and forelegs, sticking her back end up in the air playfully. Her tail swished so hard that her butt wiggled.

Leon smirked. "There we go…Stay still…"

The dog straightened her legs and barked at him, keening once and licking her nose. Leon took a cautious step toward her, carefully balancing his weight on his toes just in case she bolted. When she didn't, he reached out with one palm toward her face. Duke canted her head and pushed her cool, wet nose against his hand. He took that as encouragement and leaned forward, closer, and ruffled the fur on the side of her neck.

"Okay…there we go…" He murmured, sneaking closer.

Making eye contact with her, Leon started to reach for her collar, for something solid to hold onto to keep her still.

"Stay." He said lowly, firmly.

He got two fingers under the collar on the back of her neck before Duke seemed to realize what he was doing and made a break for it. She dropped to her belly on the grass and, seeing an escape route, shot through the gap between Leon's legs and up the steps, across the front porch, and through the door back into the house.

"Oh for the love of…" Leon staggered, pivoted on one foot, and took off after her.

This time, Duke was making a bee line straight through the foyer, down the main hallway, and toward the enclosed back porch. Leon almost caught up to her, on her heels as she clamored under the patio furniture on the porch. He kicked the back door closed and locked it behind him, hastily crossing over to the door that led from the enclosed back porch to the back yard, closed it and locked it as well.

Now the two of them were locked in the porch area together. Like a cage match.

Cue standoff music.

Leon had looped the garden hose and left the towels and the bottle of soap beside the back door. That had been the visual trigger that set off the dog's warning signs and sent her into this tizzy. Now, acknowledging that neither of them were going anywhere fast, Leon slumped into one of the plastic porch chairs, wheezing from the chase.

"Duke…you're a menace." He dropped his head back against the chair. "What is wrong with you?"

Duke, for her part, just wagged her tail at the sound of his voice, giving him an innocent canine look from under the table as though to say: who me?

For several seconds that turned into a few minutes, Leon caught his breath and just looked at the dog. Duke used to love baths. She used to practically leap into the bath tub at their old apartment. Since she had grown into a full sized, adult golden retriever, however, they had decided to start giving her outdoor baths during the warm seasons. She just caused too much of a mess inside. Now, this chase scene had become the routine on bath day.

"Y'know…" Leon finally peeled himself away from the backrest of the chair, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. "Eventually Charlotte is going to get tired of you trampling through her tomato garden."

Duke huffed and snapped her teeth at something that he couldn't see—a bug maybe.

"I know," He pushed himself up to his feet again. "Everything that she plants dies anyway, but that's no reason to destroy them before she can."

He plucked off his gloves and on second thought decided to remove his jacket too—it was hot enough and would probably get soaked anyway—and tossed them on the patio table. Squatting in front of the table, he held out a hand to coax her out.

"C'mon." He clucked his tongue at her. "Duke."

She keened and shifted her paws on the floor, but then begrudgingly started to shuffle forward and out from under the table.

"I know, I know, but you smell." He murmured softly, luring her out.

Once Duke was clear, she stood up and looked flatly unhappy about this. Frowning, Leon decided to test his luck and flicked the knob on the faucet where the hose was hooked up. It hissed and spit as the water coursed into the long green tube, bubbling and then streaming out of the nose.

Duke's lip curled and she sat up straight, but didn't growl or make another run for it. They both knew she was cornered and that this was inevitable. Better to just get it over with. Leon sighed and sat on a closer plastic chair, stretching out his bad knee and picking up the hose.

"All right, come here." He tapped his other knee to signal her to come.

Duke ducked her head and her tail fell still, looking at him pathetically.

"No." He pointed at her. "Your puppy eyes aren't going to win this time." He tapped his knee again. "Come."

She looked from him, to the hose in his hand, keened in her throat, and looked back at him as if to say: but I don't wanna…

Leon tilted his head and scooted forward to the edge of the chair. "It'll be over before you know it. Come here, honey."

With a reluctantly trusting look, Duke obeyed and moved into the line of fire. Leon coaxed her on until she was situated right in front of him. He restrained her there with a gentle hand on her chest, and then he slowly ran the hose across her back. She shuddered and brought a paw up onto his thigh. Sighing, Leon ruffled the fur under her jaw as he finished soaking her with the hose. He reached back and turned off the water, picking up the soap bottle and facing her again.

He drew a thick line of the soap down her spine and set the bottle aside again, getting both hands on her back and lathering the soap into a froth. He worked the lather into her fur as best he could down her back, shoulders, haunches, and then around her chest, belly, and legs. Duke managed to get her wet and soapy head against his ribs, nosing at his hip and continuing to paw at him.

"I know, I know, I'm sorry." He muttered as he scrubbed at her fur, "If you would stop getting into dirt and other mess, then we might not have to do this as often, but noooo, you just have to be a little adventurer."

After soaping her fur to its maximum soapiness, Leon took the hose to her again, running the water stream over her until it carried the soap and the dirt and loose hair from her skin, splashing to the floor and running between the wooden boards to the hollow under the porch. Making sure that all of the stuff had been rinsed out, Leon turned off the faucet and sat back.

Duke tugged away from him a little—but not far enough—and shook herself violently. A small rain shower of water was flung off her thick fur and splattered on the floor, the plastic furniture, and Leon, who just barely lifted a hand to shield his face. She shook herself a few more times before Leon coaxed her back with one hand, taking up a towel with the other.

Upon seeing the towel, the canine seemed to see that the end was in sight and sat relatively still as Leon draped the towel over her shoulders and started ruffling the cloth over her to pat her dry. Rubbing the towel over her back, chest, neck, and any other part of her that she would sit still enough for him to reach, Leon let her once more stuff her wet face against his chest. Her fur was so thick that it would take a lot of toweling to dry her completely, so Leon soon discarded the first towel and took up the second. Golden retrievers had relatively water repellent fur to begin with, being bred to 'retrieve' water fowl, but that didn't make it any easier to dry with a towel, she was dry enough for him to take up the brush and take on the task of brushing the shed fur from her body while she started licking at his neck.

"There. Done." Leon finally announced, sitting up and tossing the brush aside.

Duke's tail was wagging again and she got to all fours, nosing at his chest again. Leon stretched his back after being hunched over her for so long, and scratched behind her ear.

"That wasn't so terrible, was it?" He asked her.

She responded by hopping up and licking the entire length of his face before hopping backward and bounding toward the door to the back yard.

"Gah, why with the licking? Always the face." He ran his forearm across his face. "My mouth was open, you mutt."

Standing, he rotated his bad knee a few times to stretch it out and made his way over to the door. He unlocked it and pushed it open.

"There, be free from your big mean owner who doesn't want you to smell." He said.

Duke bounced down the steps, and Leon stepped down after her, no longer in pursuit but rather just watching her dart around the yard. The dog darted to and fro for a few seconds, sniffed at the fence that separated their yard from Herman and Charlotte's, circled around the only tree on their property, and promptly lay down on the grass.

Before Leon could take two steps, she had commenced rolling her freshly washed, dried, and brushed self around on the ground. Her legs flailed as she wiggled around on the grass, pink tongue lolling happily. Leon sighed and hung his head. Getting the lark out of her system, Duke remained on her back, giving him an upside down, canine grin.

Problem? She seemed to taunt.

Too exhausted from the whole ordeal to even be properly exasperated, Leon just sank to his knees beside her and rolled over onto his back on the grass. He reached over and patted her chest. She curled her paws up to her neck, and he started scratching her belly while her back leg started kicking contentedly.

"You're impossible." He grinned, retracting his hand and letting both arms flop to his sides on the grass.

The afternoon sunlight was warm as it hit his legs, but his upper body was in the cooler shade under the tree. Duke eventually shifted onto her stomach, lying down properly beside him in the grass. They stayed like that for a while, until…

"I take it that the ongoing saga of bath time had a successful episode this week?"

Leon peeked open one eye to see Yuffie, hands on her hips and looking utterly gleeful, looking at him and Duke from in front of the porch. She had probably knocked and then come around back when no one answered the door.

"Semi successful." He corrected flatly.

Yuffie cast an eye over his soaked appearance, "Which one got the bath? You or her?"

"Both." He clarified, pushing himself up on his elbows and looking at Duke. "I think we owe the neighbors an apology…again."

Duke perked her ears at him and snorted, lowering her head back to her paws.

**..:-X-:..**

**A/N:** Of my three primary OCs, it seems that Duke has the lead in reader popularity, followed by Jake and then Private McCallister…because dogs are awesome. Duke made her debut appearance in my oneshot _Man's Best Friend_, and has pretty much been a staple in my Alliance-verse stories since.

Thanks for the great prompts, once again! More to come!


	14. Three is a Crowd

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, its characters or storyline. This collection is mine, as are Duke and McCallister. This one has a mature element near the end of it, but nothing that can't be handled by Internet-frequenters. Enjoy!**

**..:-X-:..**

**014 – Three is a Crowd**

(For The Sacred and Profane; Prompt: 'Tifa gets jealous of Yuffie always hanging around Squall.')

The house was messy.

This was nothing new to Tifa as she opened the front door and stepped inside. With hours upon hours of work being piled on top of them, neither she nor Leon had had much time or incentive to really clean the house. Paperwork littered every surface that could resemble a desk: the dinner table, the coffee table, kitchen counters, and the like. Never mind what the actual study room looked like. She almost shuddered to imagine.

She had been gone for two weeks on a mission to Land of Dragons. Two weeks spent kneeling, immobile, for hours at time in thigh-deep snow in the mountains, monitoring Heartless activity outside the Emperor's palace. No human contact, radio silence, and almost complete isolation…She had almost hugged the first person she had seen upon returning to Radiant Garden, just for the feel of another warm body. And if hadn't been Jake Alms, she might have.

Instead, she had dragged herself home with the motivation of seeing Leon after the grueling two weeks. Now there was a warm body that she had every desire to get close to. After she took a much needed shower and ate something that required a steak knife, of course. And it was an afternoon on a Tuesday, which meant he was home in all likelihood. Tuesdays and Wednesdays had turned into paperwork-only days, just to keep their heads above the water. Leon had never truly liked working in a four-walled executive office, despite his department head status, so he had started bringing it home to work from here.

Unfortunately, she turned on the lights in the dark house and found it empty. Well, empty save for herself and Duke, who was curled up in her favorite spot under the coffee table. Tifa felt a stab of disappointment. Sure, she knew that a big homecoming after every mission was impossible; they were gone on far too many off-world missions for that…but after two weeks…Tifa needed her some Leon time. Dropping her bag just inside the living room, she sighed as she walked into the kitchen to get a drink and that much needed meal. A note in Leon's tiny scrawl was stuck to the refrigerator.

'Yuffie wanted to learn new defensive move, gone to the Great Maw. – Leon'

Of course, Tifa exhaled again. After Duke and McCallister, Yuffie was usually the third suspect who was at Leon's side. Duke and McCallister, Tifa could understand: Duke loved Leon and McCallister was practically his right hand with department matters. But Yuffie had an almost clingy habit about it, and it was starting to get irritating. Too tired to be properly irritated, however, Tifa grabbed a bite to eat, a shower, and then immediately crashed in bed.

**..:-X-:..**

The next day, Tifa was back in the office. Leon must have been kept out for some reason, because his side of the bed had been untouched. So, after spending most of the morning getting caught up on the mountain in her inbox, Tifa took a quick break out of her Combat Department to head over to his office in Weapons Specialist. She strode past the rows of cubicle units—Leon's department being the smallest division in the Alliance, the entire thing was housed on just one floor of the building—and noted that his office door was closed. This gave her pause. Sure, the department was pretty walled off to the other branches of the Alliance headquartered in the building, but the internal framework of the department had a very open-door policy.

With a small frown, she walked up, gave two quick, successive knocks, and proceeded to open the door before getting an answer. It was unlocked and the door swung freely inside. Leon was behind his desk, both hands framed up around his eyes, like imaginary binoculars, as he stared at the screen. He was so focused that he didn't look up immediately when the door opened. Yuffie, hovering over his shoulder and also poring at the screen, did.

"Tifa, you're back." The younger woman chirped in greeting.

"What's going on?" Tifa asked in return. Realizing how terse she sounded, she cleared her throat and tried again. "Got back yesterday afternoon…haven't seen you since."

"I haggled him into taking me training." Yuffie smirked. "As awesome as my skills are, I just haven't been able to master the—"

"Sorry." Leon cut in, having dragged himself out of the monitor's clutches. He blinked a few times before focusing on Tifa. "By the time we were done training, the call went out that the security system in the commercial district had crashed."

Well, that looked like about half an hour of sleep, Tifa inwardly noted, putting her hands on her hips. "Okay. And you've been working on it since then?"

"Yeah." Leon sat back, rubbing his eyes. "How'd Land of Dragons go?"

"Long, quiet," Lonely. Tifa shifted slightly. "Do you have a moment?"

"Sure." Yuffie answered for herself and Leon, leaning against the desk.

A spike of…something that Tifa couldn't name…ran up her back, and she shrugged her shoulders. "Never mind. Leon, I'll see you at home tonight?"

Leon stood and stretched, "Yeah. I need to get out of the office for a while." He looked to Tifa. "You want to go for a walk?"

"Yeah, you wanna join us?" Yuffie input.

Tifa could only shake her head, not trusting her words, and left the department.

**..:-X-:..**

Us? Join US?

Tifa had barely been able to concentrate the rest of the morning and early afternoon after that little situation. Okay, so she knew that Yuffie and Leon had been a pretty good team during their time in Traverse Town and right after moving back to Radiant Garden. The Yuffie and Leon team pre-dated the Leon and Tifa team; but a wife had to outrank a friend, right?

She decided to take a walk that afternoon to clear her head, because it was taking her to weird places. This wasn't a trust thing, and the majority of her felt stupid for feeling this uncomfortable, but the other part of her, however, felt like this feeling was absolutely normal. She wasn't accustomed to feeling…jealous? Possessive? Is that was this was? No, she had been half frozen in snow and staring at Heartless for two weeks. She missed Leon, his touch, his voice, all of him. Yuffie was taking that away from her right now, when she really needed it. Yuffie could get her own. Leon was taken.

Tifa found herself at the training fields where Leon was overseeing another batch of interns. Private McCallister was standing beside him with a clipboard, and they were talking quietly between themselves. For a man who liked his own space, how could she never find him when he was alone? Feeling that spike again, she crossed over to the two.

"Hey." She greeted, and it came out flat.

Leon and McCallister both looked at her. "Hi again. Are you okay—" Leon started.

"McCallister, stand somewhere else." Tifa half-snapped, half-stated.

"Yes, ma'am." The soldier immediately crossed halfway to the other side of the training field to observe the new recruits.

Now if only getting Yuffie to do that was that easy…

Leon lifted an eyebrow at her, but didn't say anything, waiting for her to go off.

Tifa paused a moment, not wanting to snap again. She wasn't THAT angry yet.

"I miss you." She said instead, hands on her hips. "Two weeks is a long time. So please tell me that you are going to be home tonight, because I'm about to go crazy here."

Leon leaned in and kissed her on the lips to shut her up.

Tifa returned it and then looked up at him. "THAT is just the kinda crap that makes me miss you, and you just—"

"I'll be home tonight right after patrols." He promised with a glint in his eye.

"Hey guys!" Yuffie had spotted them, trotting over. "Whatcha talkin' about?"

Exit Tifa. Immediately.

**..:-X-:..**

Tifa tilted her head back, and Leon traced her jawline with his lips, down her throat and across her collar. Her back was against the wall as she wrestled the black jacket off of him, tossing it to the floor of the hallway.

Patrol shift had ended at seven pm that evening, and Tifa had met Leon at the front door ten minutes later. She had planned to wear the red, lacy, why-bother-wearing-it lingerie that she had bought before the mission, but that was just adding another step between the front door and the bedroom. She had settled for just red, lacy, why-bother-wearing-it underwear instead. It seemed to have had the same effect, anyway.

The jacket done with, Tifa slid her hands under his t-shirt, running them up his chest and taking the shirt with them. Leon removed his hands from her body just long enough to lift over his head and let her pull the shirt the rest of the way off. Then Tifa covered his mouth with her own again, leaning away from the wall until his back was against the opposite wall of the hallway.

Now THIS had been the homecoming that she had had in mind.

His hands roamed across her back and her fingers twisted in his hair. He hooked his hands under her thighs and lifted her up. She hooked her legs around his waist and pressed her lips against his neck as he carried her: first into the living room, and then almost immediately turning around and taking her upstairs to their bedroom.

Tifa chuckled a little at the jarring motion: two weeks without sex still wasn't enough to get the man on that sectional couch of hers. He really hated that thing.

Instead, they both ended up on the bed upstairs: Tifa on her back and Leon on top of her, kissing deeply. His lips were on her chest and her hands had just found the buckle of his pants when the cell phone in his pocket started ringing. Leon groaned at the sound and Tifa tugged it out of his pocket to turn it off.

The caller ID read 'Yuffie cell'.

"You answer this call and you will sleep on that couch for a month." Tifa panted as he took the phone and read the ID for himself.

Leon smirked and turned the phone off, tossing it onto the bedside table. Tifa smiled and pulled him back to her, kissing him on the lips before finding that belt buckle again. She had gotten three of the four belts off—("Are all of these really necessary?")—when there was a knock on the front door downstairs. At first, they both ignored it, which was easy, considering that Leon had successfully unlatched the clasp on the front of her bra, but the knocking persisted.

"Leon! I know you're home!" Yuffie's voice drifted through the door. "Don't be a jerk!"

"Noooo." Leon moaned, dropping his face against Tifa's stomach.

Tifa played with his hair, "What does she want now!" She hissed.

"My patrol partner bailed on me. You know the Alliance requires the buddy system for night patrols now!" Yuffie seemed to bellow out the answer to the hissed question.

Leon begrudgingly sat up off of Tifa, who sat up and pointed at him.

"No." She snapped.

"She's just going to keep knocking." Leon walked for the door. "I'll tell her to leave."

Moonlight poured in through the window, and Tifa climbed out of bed, snatching up one of Leon's t-shirts and pulling it over her head as she did so. The light lit the bedroom just enough to catch on Leon's bare back as he stepped out: the muscles of his shoulders and the narrow vertical groove of his spine. Hell no was Yuffie going to get to enjoy that view right now. Tifa stalked out into the hall and overtook him to the stairs.

"Let me." Her voice dripped poison, and Leon paused, letting her pass.

There was a lull in the knocking when Tifa hit that bottom step. She crossed to the door like a tiger on the prowl, flicked on the hallway light, and had to restrain herself from tearing the door off the hinges and instead ripping it open so hard that it slapped against the wall.

"What?" Tifa barked at the ninja.

Yuffie's eyes widened at the sight of Tifa answering the door, and she took an instinctive step back, averting her eyes from Tifa's almost-nakedness. "Is Leon home?"

"He's a little busy." Tifa barked. "As you can see." She gestured to the t-shirt.

"I was just wondering—"

"Oh I heard you. The whole fracking block heard you." Tifa snapped. "If you knew he was home and not answering the door, did you consider that it was eight o'clock at night and he might have better things to do that go on patrol…again?"

"Like what?" Yuffie folded her arms, looking sassy.

"Like making love to his wife after two weeks apart!" Tifa snarled, and vaguely heard Leon exhale an 'oh lord' from the stairs behind her. "I've had it about to here with this. We're going to lay some ground rules, here, okay? Grown, single women do not drag married men away from their wives' beds at night to hunt Heartless. And don't give me that 'buddy system' crap…you're a damn fine aim with that shuriken. Sending you and Leon out on the same patrol is like sending two fire hoses to water a flower garden." She pointed out the door. "So find another partner. This one is taken tonight."

"Okay, sorry!" Yuffie bolted from the doorstep.

Closing the door, Tifa spun back around to Leon, who looked bewildered. She went back upstairs and moved past him toward the bedroom. "Now, no more interruptions, 'kay?"

Behind her, Leon snorted. "Yes, ma'am."

**..:-X-:..**

**A/N:** The full prompt submitted was: 'Tifa gets jealous of Yuffie always hanging around Squall. Consciously she knows it's foolish to be so but subconsciously she feels a need to show that Squall is hers and hers alone. Basically possessive Tifa, scared Yuffie, and surprised Squall.' I just shortened it for the top line so it wouldn't be so long XD

The sectional couch joke originated in my earlier Lefa stories; where Tifa owned an ugly, salmon-colored couch that she loved but Leon absolutely hated. He actually ended up destroying it with his bare hands, but not before she ordered a new sectional couch with the same upholstery. And so the legend continues…


	15. Thursday Night Serenade

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, its characters, or storyline. I also do not own any of the songs referenced here nor am I associated with the artists in any way. So…this one was fun to write, as ridiculous as the end product was. Jake and McCallister are mine. Enjoy!**

**..:-X-:..**

**015 – Thursday Night Serenade**

(For WishingDreamer5; Prompt: 'Leon's or Tifa's guilty pleasure and the other finding out about it.')

Tifa was with another man.

Now, Leon wasn't much of a drinker, but he found himself ordering a double scotch on the rocks. The bar in Radiant Garden wasn't exactly crowded, being a Thursday night, but it wasn't the weak crowd that was keeping his attention. It was the two of them there, right in front of him, for everybody to see.

How long had this been going on? He always worked late on Thursdays, and clearly this only happened on Thursdays, maybe she had planned it that way, so he would never find out. Did she think that he couldn't handle it?

Well, that was too bad, because now she was busted.

He just never thought that Tifa, HIS Tifa, was…

"A whole new world…A dazzling place I never knew…"

…a karaoke enthusiast.

"…But when I'm way up here, it's crystal clear that now I'm in a whole new world with you…" She sang into the mic.

Across from her, Jake Alms faced her, in full duet character. "Now I'm in a whole new world with you…" he sang back to her.

Leon downed his shot in two harsh swallows.

"Unbelievable sights…Indescribable feelings!" Tifa went on.

Leon glanced around the bar again as the pair continued their little duet. Just when he thought he had this woman figured out, he finds another door that opens another labyrinth about her. On the stage, Jake was striking pose after pose to correspond with his lyrics…like some kind of improvisational dance scene. Both his and Tifa's voices cracked as the song's pitch went up too high and Leon squinted one eye at the sound.

"Can I get you another?" The hairy-armed bartender asked beside him.

Leon started to wave him off, but on the karaoke stage, Tifa and Jake swept together, making twin swooping arm motions to set off the finale of the song.

"Let me share this whole new world with you…" They crooned together.

"Hit me." Leon tapped the counter top.

The bartender snorted and poured a second shot.

On stage, the song ended and Tifa and Jake did their little bow to the audience. Jake was saying something away from the mic—looked like he was trying to coax Tifa into a second duet, but Tifa had spotted Leon and was standing stock still on the stage, staring at him. Leon stared back, the wordless conversation in full force now. Tifa waved off Jake, who shrugged and seemed to select a solo song for himself.

Tifa hopped off the stage and made her way through the thin crowd toward the bar where Leon was. The bartender took Leon's empty shot glass and nodded to Tifa.

"The usual?"

Leon's eyebrow shot up. There was a usual?

Tifa glanced at the bartender, an awkward sideways look to Leon, and then back to the bartender. "Sure. Thanks, Gus."

With nothing more than those three words, she sat herself down on the stool next to Leon. Neither said anything for a long while, just aimlessly looking out across the bar. Then, as though arriving at the same idea simultaneously, they both began to speak.

"Okay, so I'm no superstar, but it's fun."

"How long has this been going on?"

They both paused again, looking at each other this time.

Recovering from her initial embarrassment, Tifa smirked shamelessly at him. "I'm not too bad, right?" She asked with a hopeful look.

Leon wasn't sure how to respond to this. "How long?"

Her shoulders deflated. "Two months."

Leon sat up straighter. "Two—"

The bartender set Tifa's 'usual' on the counter between them, and Leon dropped his voice out of the loud range that the word 'two' had shot into.

"Two months?" He repeated in shock.

Tifa bobbed her head, taking a drink from the glass.

"Where have I been?" He muttered rhetorically.

"You work late Thursdays, so…"

"So you can hide this from me."

"…So I'm not wallowing around the house all alone." Tifa finished her statement, narrowing one eye at him. "Paranoid much?"

Leon shifted uncomfortably. "I just…don't understand why you felt the need to hide this from me."

"I wasn't hiding it." Tifa took another drink. "You just never caught on."

"How is that different?"

"Different as in…I do karaoke on Thursdays to keep myself from going insane…You crochet." She said nonchalantly, giving him a devilish look.

Leon sat ramrod straight. "What?"

"You heard me." She snickered.

"Why in Kingdom Hearts would you think—"

"Because I don't crochet, and unless you've taught Duke an extremely interesting trick, that half-finished scarf stuffed in the drawer of the desk at home is yours." She chirped.

Leon grumbled under his breath. "Knitting."

"What was that, my dear?" Tifa scooped her hand around her ear.

"It's not crocheting…It's knitting." He corrected, speaking past the lump of his pride lodged in his throat.

Tifa visibly swallowed a laugh at his expense. "What's the…difference?"

Leon looked at her. "Crocheting only has one hook. Knitting uses two—" He noticed her expression—she was just goading him.

With a hmph, he slapped munny on the counter to pay for the shots and then stood to leave. Tifa stood with him, hooking her elbow through his and just spinning him in a circle to sit on the next stool.

"I'm sorry." Tifa chuckled gleefully. "But you're so cute when you channel your inner grandma."

He folded his arms and glared at her. "All right, fine, so…call it a hobby."

"Now, don't turn into Mr. Grumpy just because my hobby is cooler than yours." Tifa poked him on the nose.

"Then why never tell me?" Leon asked.

Tifa sighed, setting aside her giddiness. "Because…it's kinda silly."

"Silly? It's karaoke. It's—" He gestured over to Jake on stage.

The man was giving the microphone the what-for, striking out an air guitar. "POUR SOME SUGAR ON ME!" He bellowed.

"—How is THAT fun?" Leon pointed out.

Tifa laughed, shaking her head, "I don't know, it just is. And Jake has fun with it too, so…"

Leon pursed his lips skeptically. "You and Jake are the dynamic duo of Thursday karaoke then?"

She lifted her shoulders, "Guess so."

Leon frowned thoughtfully and didn't say anything. Okay, he wasn't going to lie and say that it didn't hurt that she felt the need to hide something like this from him. Then again, he hadn't exactly waltzed out all of his little hobbies in front of her. His guilty pleasures. Because that's what all of this was. Guilty pleasures. He could accept that.

But his wife having more fun with Jake Alms than him? No, that was unacceptable.

"He's not really that good." Leon snarked out finally.

Tifa snorted, "It's karaoke. You're not supposed to be good."

They both tilted their heads as Jake began his little routine.

"Does he have to dance to it too?" Leon moaned.

Tifa grinned, "It adds a little flavor to the performance, yeah?"

"Performance? Is that what he calls it?"

Tifa paused for a moment before looking to him. "You want to try it?"

Leon snorted, looked at her, and saw that she was serious. "No."

Tifa smiled, "You might like it."

"No."

"Oh come on."

"No."

"You realize what's going to happen if you don't?"

Leon shot her a narrow look.

Tifa stood from her seat and back stepped toward the stage. "Then I shall be forced to perform a solo…all by myself…aimed directly—" She pointed to him. "—at you."

"No." Leon shook his head for emphasis.

"Yes." Tifa took another step toward the stage.

"Tifa, no." Leon made to go after her, but seemed to be glued to the stool.

Tifa's eyes were positively mischievous as she aimed herself toward the stage again.

"Tifa—" He hissed through a whisper. "DO NOT SERENADE ME!"

Tifa turned and hopped up onto the stage, just as Jake was finishing up. She had a quick word with the guy manning the karaoke machine. He bobbed his head and gave her a thumb up, plucking at a few keys to make the selection. Leon slumped in his seat, tempted to just leave before this whole embarrassment started. But he couldn't leave her. Not now. Jake started to hop off the stage, but Tifa stopped him, and Leon specifically saw the words 'back up dancer' cross her lips. Jake nodded, grinning ear to ear, as he went to stand behind her, coaxing up another girl that Leon didn't know onto the stage to be Back Up Dancer Number Two.

Dear God, this wasn't happening—

"Ooooooooh." Tifa started, striking a pose. Jake and the girl mimicked suite.

Make it STOP.

"Caught in a bad romance." Tifa continued. "Oooooooooooh, caught in a bad romance."

The music kicked in then, and Tifa, Jake, and the girl broke out into some choreography that they independently seemed to know, but didn't quite match together in unison.

The rest of the crowd started hollering for them, and Leon had to cover his mouth with his hand to hide a laugh at the sight of the three of them as they sang and trounced around on the stage like some kind of organized, professional group. Yeah, they were pitchy, off tune, their dancing didn't match, and Jake was clearly more flexible than was pleasant to imagine, but the trio were clearly having fun.

"You know that I want you." Tifa straightened, taking center stage and holding the mic to her mouth with one hand, while she pointed directly at Leon with the other hand. "And you know that I need you. I want a bad, bad romance…"

Cue more awkward choreography.

"Knitting huh?"

Leon spun sideways to see Private McCallister sitting at the end of the bar, just within earshot and drinking something from a bottle. She was smirking.

"What—When did you—" Leon huffed and glared, "Paper cranes."

She snickered, "Whatever you say, sir."

Leon nodded toward the stage. "It's too late for me, but maybe you could still escape."

McCallister looked confused. "Escape?"

Jake had spotted her however, and taken center stage this time, aiming directly at the soldier. "I want your love and, I want your revenge. I want your love, I don't wanna be friends!"

He belted it out and left no doubt as to where he was aiming his little show. When Leon looked back, however, McCallister had vanished, leaving only a door to the street to slam shut in her wake. With a chuckle, Leon looked back to see Tifa take over the lead again, singing in all of her off-tune, off-beat dancing glory. Leon found himself tapping his knuckles on the counter and looked to the bartender.

"I'll have another round."

**..:-X-:..**

**A/N:** …Yeah…Had a few songs stuck in my head this week, so there we are. I hope the utter ridiculous-ness didn't induce any brain damage.

Additional disclaimer! 'A Whole New World' belongs to the Disney crew, or at the very least not me. Of course 'Bad Romance' belongs to Lady Gaga, and 'Pour Some Sugar on Me' belongs to Def Leppard.

Still loving these prompts! You all are great and get super special awesome potato casseroles each!


	16. Who Let the Dogs Out

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, its characters or storyline. This collection is mine, as are Duke and Jake. I had some fun writing this one, though it turned out to be much more difficult to write than I thought it would. Enjoy!**

**..:-X-:..**

**016 – Who Let the Dogs Out?**

(For The Sacred and Profane; Prompt: 'Duke [briefly] becomes human')

For a long, long pause, Leon just stood there in the doorway to the house where he and Tifa lived, staring at the spectacle in the hallway, knowing that he should probably look away, but…what?

"What?" Was all his brain could come up with.

Tifa had wrangled the strange woman to her seat on the floor in the middle of the hallway; Tifa's harsh breathing said that that had taken some effort. The stranger in front of her had wild ginger hair and wide amber eyes…and she was mostly naked. Mostly because it looked like Tifa had managed to get her into a pair of pajama bottoms, and she was working on getting a t-shirt on her.

"What?" He repeated; it was all he could do.

As soon as both women spotted him, the ginger haired woman jumped to her feet, excitement blazing through her eyes as she practically leapt at him. Or, she tried, but her legs seemed to have no bones in them and she collapsed just as quickly with a squeak. Leon instinctively moved forward and caught her. But instead of being grateful or at the very least embarrassed at her state, the stranger straightened in his arms and landed a big, wet kiss to his jaw. Leon almost dropped her in shock.

He looked to Tifa, bewildered. "What?"

Tifa had gotten to her feet and used the woman's infatuation with Leon as a distraction to wrestle the t-shirt onto her, covering her up. "Donald agreed to train me in this new spell but it misfired or I botched it or something happened and it hit Duke—"

"Duke?" Leon glanced around for the dog. "Where is she?"

"—Well…We thought it was a dud or a fluke or something, because she was perfectly fine for a while." Tifa's voice sounded odd for some reason, like she was trying to hint at something without saying it directly. "Then…all of a sudden—"

"What did you do to my dog?" Leon asked, "Where is she?"

"You're…" Tifa fidgeted a little. "Holding her."

Leon stared at Tifa for a confused few seconds, and then slowly looked down at the unbalanced woman in his arms. She looked up at him and a smile spread across her mouth that was positively canine. She tried to go in for another kiss, but he blocked her this time. Her legs weren't working, or she wasn't used to having two instead of four, so he scooped her up instead and deposited her properly on the couch in the living room.

"You're not serious?" Leon asked Tifa once the woman had stopped moving. "Who is this woman?" He pointed with his thumb.

"That's…Duke." Tifa lifted her shoulders sheepishly.

The woman, Duke, spun to look at the two of them. "Can we go outside?"

Leon nearly leapt out of his skin. "What?" He asked shakily.

"Can we go outside?" Her voice was lower and throatier than her outward appearance suggested. "I really, really want to go outside, like, right now." She bounced a little.

Leon swiveled his head slowly to look at Tifa. "Call Donald."

"I tried already. No answer." Tifa ran a hand through her hair.

"Then we take her to Merlin." Leon said, standing again.

Tifa looked dubious and Leon understood why. Getting from their house to Merlin's required crossing the Residential District, going through the Marketplace, and maneuvering through the Borough: all big public areas where everybody knew each other and tended to hang out with the same people. Sure, Radiant Garden had massive numbers of visitors, tourists, and new soldiers arriving every day, but Leon didn't walk around with any of them. And he surely didn't carry them around, which was what he was going to have to do, since the woman—Duke, his dog, of all nonsense—wouldn't be able to walk on her own very easily.

"All right." Tifa sighed in resignation, standing. "Duke, do you need—"

Duke blinked and turned, having not been paying attention. "Huh?"

Tifa deadpanned and looked to Leon, "She's only going to listen to you, really. I'll go on ahead and make sure that Merlin's home, tell him about…all of this…so he'll be ready to get it over with by the time you get there."

Leon paused and then nodded. Clearly Tifa just wanted to leave Duke with him; the whole situation was probably making her uncomfortable. Hell, what about him? Duke wasn't looking at TIFA like she was the center of the universe like she was to him. Tifa returned the nod and abruptly left the house, leaving man and dog-turned-human alone together.

An awkward beat passed.

"So…" He tried not to think too hard about the fact that he was trying to have a conversation with his dog…Not that that was new, but now she might answer.

"Can we go outside?" She chirped, trying to stand again and failing.

Leon smirked despite himself. "Sure."

Duke was determined to stand and walk on her own, and to her credit, she got the hang of just standing up fairly quickly. It was the walking one foot in front of the other that she had trouble with.

"I can do it. I'm a grown…thing." She swatted away his help, even as she started to teeter sideways down the hallway.

"Look, we don't know if there's a time crunch here. Sometimes spells become harder to reverse the longer that they've been left alone." Leon pointed out. "I'll just carry you—"

"Absolutely not." Duke shook her head violently and staggered toward the door.

She was a stubborn thing; Leon sighed and followed her out. They made their way through the Residential District fairly inconspicuously, and Duke eventually caved enough to allow Leon to help her balance as they walked. On and off, she would fasten her pacing, slow it down, veer to either side, and often bumped into him.

"Not used to a higher center of gravity?" He prompted with a grin as they walked.

"I feel like I'm going to fall over if I so much as lean." She said, holding onto his shoulder to walk.

They walked past two kids at the mouth of the Marketplace playing catch with a baseball. Duke's eyes lit up at the sight of the children, and they followed the trajectory of the flying baseball like a laser. When one of the kids overthrew, the ball bounced past him. Duke started forward, a playful yet determined look in her eyes, but Leon physically held her back.

"No. It's their ball. Not yours." He chided.

"But—" She tugged slightly against him.

"No." Leon said sternly.

Duke actually whined in her throat as she looked back at him woefully.

"Come on, the faster we get to Merlin's, the faster you'll be back on four legs."

"Then onward!" She lifted one arm in a bold gesture, staggering off balance.

"Well, well, well," Jake Alms appeared, hands in his pockets, glint in his eyes. "What have we got here? Who's this, Leon?" His eyes roamed up and down Duke flirtatiously.

"NO!" Leon pointed and practically yelled at Jake. "Don't even think about it."

Jake blinked, "Defensive much?"

He glanced down and quirked an eyebrow. Leon followed his eyes downward and saw that Duke had taken a hold of Leon's hand with her own, interlocking their fingers. When had she done that? How long had they been walking like this? Leon's first thought was to pull away, but to Duke, that might as well have been kicking her to the ground in her eyes. So he kept a hold of her hand.

"Go away, Jake." Leon dismissed him flatly, leading Duke past him.

"No, wait, who is she?" Jake started after them.

"Go away, Jake." Leon just repeated.

"Pfft, fine, don't tell me." Jake snarked.

Duke looked back after him, staggering slightly off balance. Leon steadied her and they slipped into Merlin's house. Tifa was standing in the living room talking to Merlin, while Cloud was standing in front of the computer. All three sets of eyes shot to the woman standing beside Leon. Duke just grinned cheekily back at them.

"Hi." She beamed and gave a little wave to Merlin and Tifa.

"You were serious?" Cloud looked to Tifa. "I thought you were joking."

Tifa lifted an eyebrow, "Who in the world jokes about dogs becoming humans?"

Duke leaned over to Leon, whispering loudly. "I don't like him." She gestured to Cloud, clearly thinking she was subtle, when Cloud was looking right at her.

Cloud knit his brows at her, but Leon just snorted. Duke stuck her tongue out at him.

"All right." Merlin approached, adjusting his spectacles. "It sounds like this has been a transfiguration spell gone wrong." He inspected Duke, who looked wary of him. "Should be easily fixed."

"Thank goodness." Duke exhaled, propping her hands on her hips.

"Has it been that bad?" Leon prompted with a smirk.

Duke shifted with a frown, "It's just…two legs are so…cumbersome…And clothes? Ugh, so…constricting."

Merlin chuckled, brandishing his wand, "Okay. Duke, um, if you have any…final words…to impart?"

Leon glared, "You make it sound like she's going to die."

"Not at all," Merlin waved a hand, "But it is pretty clear that dogs do not speak."

"Psh, yes I do." Duke folded her arms, "You're all just too dense to understand it."

Tifa snorted into her fist.

Duke rounded on Leon, "And for the record, my barking at all hours of the night is because of the Nightbound Heartless that creep through the streets in the dark."

All four of them blinked.

"What?" Leon started.

Duke rolled her eyes, "You should count yourself lucky, bub. The nastier Heartless trick the security system and sneak into the town at night when it's darkest and easiest for them to move without being detected."

Leon exchanged a look with Cloud. Clearly this was new to all of them. "Well, what do they look like?" He asked Duke.

"How should I know?" Duke lifted her hands, "You keep me locked up in the house during the night, all I can do is smell them and try to scare them off with my intimidation." She tossed her ginger hair with a grin.

Tifa was jotting down a note on some paper. "Well, that will definitely spark Cid's interest for those night patrols."

Merlin bobbed his head and then pushed up his sleeves. "Are you ready, dear?"

Duke nodded, paused, and then turned and threw her arms around Leon, pulling him close and planting another wet, sloppy kiss to his jaw.

Startled slightly, Leon awkwardly returned the embrace, "What was that?"

Duke shrugged, "Just wanted to hug you while I still have elbows." She looked around at everybody. "I think I'm ready…Wait!" She turned back to Leon. "Stop slipping me leftovers when Tifa cooks…Even I have to say no to some things."

Tifa looked affronted, "Hey!"

Duke looked unapologetic to her, winked, and then looked to Cloud. "I still don't like you. I'm going to chew on your shoes when I get my proper teeth back."

Cloud, who had been snickering at the jibe to Tifa's cooking, glared at Duke at that, and Leon was inclined to give Duke a treat for that little gem.

Finally, Duke looked back to Leon. "And…I love you."

Leon wasn't sure what to do with that, so he awkwardly hugged her again. "Yeah, same."

Duke beamed and turned to Merlin. "Zap me back, magic man." She spread her arms.

Merlin muttered the incantation and magic flowed out of his wand to Duke. In a flash of light, the ginger haired woman disappeared. When the light faded, that familiar red-golden fur coat was back, and the canine was back to all fours. She gave a happy bark.

Leon reached down and patted her head; all was back to normal now. Duke wagged her tail enthusiastically, licked his hand, and ran around in a short circle before darting into the back room of the house. Cloud stiffened and then bolted after her with a cry of 'No! Bad dog! Stay away from my stuff!'

The front door opened and Jake walked. "Okay, seriously, who was that hot chick?"

Tifa burst out laughing, while Merlin looked confused.

Leon just exhaled and shook his head, going toward the kitchen to dig out Cid's secret stash. He really needed a drink after today's events.

"Duke! No!" Cloud was yelling down the hall. "Drop that!"

**..:-X-:..**

**A/N:** The full prompt submitted was: 'Duke, thanks to a botched spell from a magic-studying Tifa (With Donald as her teacher), becomes human. Duke adjusts to a two-legged life but tries to constantly lick Tifa and Squall, leading to some embarrassing moments in public. Eventually Duke goes back to normal and thanks the doggy gods that she isn't a human.'

I took some creative license with it, but a prompt like this has to XD It was actually really hard trying to translate Duke's behavior into that of a human. I had quite a few ideas that never made the final cut of the ditty, but I think the end product was amusing all the same. Title of course comes from the song; no affiliation or ownership.


	17. Out of Body Experience

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, its characters or storyline. This collection is mine, as is McCallister. Following the fluff of the last chapter, this ditty has a slightly darker tone and if there's any humor in it, it's very dry. Enjoy!**

**..:-X-:..**

**017 – Out of Body Experience**

(For Taquiner; Prompt: 'Survival/Hunted with Lefa')

Something was wrong with Private McCallister. Tifa gathered that between the snippets of consciousness that she managed to grab. This…person who had captured Tifa sure looked like the soldier, but she didn't move like her or talk like her. It was like she was possessed. Tifa had been manacled to the stone wall of the old entrance hall of the castle ruins in Radiant Garden. The iron was strong but the wall was weak. If she hadn't been drugged half a dozen times in the last 24 hours, Tifa could have torn herself free. As it was, however…

"Strange how magic can misfire sometimes." The woman in front of her said.

The soldier had her back turned to Tifa, fiddling with the random baubles and pieces that she had spread out on the rotting wooden table in front of her. Tifa kept her breathing even and tried to force her mind to recollect itself. The sedatives were wearing off again; if she played slow and stupid, this impostor might think she was still heavy under its effects.

The woman spun on her heel and leaned against the table. Definitely Private McCallister, there was no doubting that it was physically her. She crossed her arms and tilted her head.

"I've been doing this for over 200 years now and never missed a mark." The woman said, offering a slick, unpleasant smile. "Yet, for some reason, yesterday, when I was aiming for your healthy, desirable body, I managed to hit this one—" She gestured down to herself with a grimace. "Not exactly Miss Universe, is she?" She sighed. "Feels so…common."

Dying rays of sunlight were spilling through the broken windows, signaling sunset. Tifa could barely remember from her earlier stirrings that this stranger who was—for lack of a better word—'possessing' Private McCallister had been using a spell to transfer his or her soul to a host body. And something about needing moonlight to carry out the spell. That made sense as to why Tifa was being held captive and sedated instead of getting it over with. That gave her time to come up with a plan, and for Leon and the others to find her.

"What…are you?" Tifa managed to say around uncooperative lips.

'McCallister' smiled, looking up from inspecting her callused and gun-worn hands. "I'm human, like you. I'm just a little…older."

"How can you be human, you don't have a proper body." Tifa asked.

"Now, really, I agree that this little soldier isn't the most attractive, but she's definitely human, therefore I'm human." She chuckled. "Two hundred years ago, I was a simple person of magic who happened upon the key to immortality." She spread her hands. "Ta da."

"That's not immortality. It's body snatching." Tifa growled.

"I believe the myth refers to me and my apprentices as 'body jumpers', thank you very much." The impostor snickered, unbuttoning the front of the soldier's uniform to further inspect the new body. "Oh dear, this just won't do at all; hardly any curves." She looked back over to Tifa. "But we'll correct that soon enough when I take your body, as I originally meant to."

"Over my dead body." Leon made his presence known, stepping into the entrance hall.

The body jumper half turned toward him. "And the valiant knight has arrived to save his lady fair." She looked down to Tifa. "You have excellent taste."

Tifa growled and struggled against her bindings. The ancient mortar cracked slightly.

"Who are you?" Leon stalked into the room like a lion with its prey in sight.

The person using McCallister's body stood lax, one hip cocked. "Just a wanderer, nothing to concern yourself with, I'll be out of your hair in a moment." She moved almost nonchalantly back to the table where her instruments were laid out. "Just one little spell I have to cast."

"Get out of her." Leon demanded, drawing the Gunblade. "And let Tifa go."

"Now, see, I can do one but not the other, sweetheart." The impostor looked at the weapon in Leon's hands. "Now this is a twist."

Leon kept his eyes on the impostor and the Gunblade in both hands. "Tifa, are you okay?"

Tifa pulled against the chains again and felt the bolts in the wall give slightly. "I will be as soon as you take down that bitch."

"Tsk, tsk, mind your manners." The impostor chuckled and looked back to Leon, "You won't harm either of these two bodies, and quite frankly I'm not interested in this one farther than I can throw her." She snickered, "But I can see inside her thoughts, her mind, and she seems to be quite sure that you won't harm her."

She took a step directly toward Leon, well within the sword's reach. Leon didn't move, and Tifa saw the conflict in his eyes. It was true; if he could avoid hurting McCallister while still tearing that thing inside her to shreds, he would.

"At least…" The woman took another step toward Leon, whose eyes narrowed dangerously. "That's what I'm banking on."

She shot forward like a bullet, drawing up her forearm and smacking it into Leon's wrist. Leon back stepped but the attack was so sudden that the Gunblade fell from his grasp, clattering to the ground beside the table. Leon reacted immediately, clamping both arms around McCallister's forearm and slinging her around, off her feet and shoving her face first against the concrete wall.

"This is your last warning," He hissed. "Get out of her."

The impostor grunted, "You didn't say please."

She dropped her legs out from under her, and the small gap of slack in the give gave her the leverage to roll away from Leon's grasp, tucking and rolling several feet to the right. Tifa managed to wrest one of the manacles from the wall, causing a shower of old mortar and brick to rain over her. She grunted and got to work on the other one.

Across the room, the impostor had clearly gotten into McCallister's mind, tapping into those years of training with and against Leon, as she let the soldier's body fall into an instinctive stance against her mentor. Leon did the same and they faced off. The Gunblade was on the floor across the room, where neither of them could readily access it. As long as Leon could keep her hands off of it, he could handle her in a physical fight.

And a physical fight it became, quickly, as the impostor launched herself at him again, swinging up with her left fist. Leon blocked with his right arm, and she immediately brought her right fist around. He blocked with his left and reversed the grip to grab her wrist. She grunted as her wrist was twisted and she violently spun around, angling her body sideways, in order to lift her leg, plant one boot against Leon's ribs, and shove him against the wall.

Leon felt the impact against the wall reverberate from his spine all throughout his body. He pushed away from the concrete and ducked another punch from the body jumper. This time, he counter attacked and his fist made solid contact with the soldier's jaw. McCallister staggered sideways, blood flying from a busted lip, but her muscle memory kicked in full gear. She spun with the blow and dropped to one foot, swinging her other leg around to catch his ankles.

He jumped to avoid it and she immediately dropped to her back, spinning like a dancer to drive her sweeping leg up higher, this time at his midriff, where he couldn't jump out of the way. Her knee slammed into his hip and knocked him out of the air. He re-oriented himself just as he hit the floor, rolling hard several times and feeling his teeth rattle in his skull as he ended up back on his feet, kneeling forward to balance himself with one hand on the floor.

McCallister was on him again, punching, kicking, swinging, slugging, always on the attack. This body jumper was enjoying the newfound power; clearly the body selection was usually based on appearances rather than skills or substance. But the fatal mistake was that this was like a puppeteer using an unfamiliar puppet. The impostor could let McCallister's body take the wheel as far as the fight went, but without the trained mind behind it—

Leon grappled with the woman and got the upper hand, yanking her into a violent headlock and slamming her into the floor.

-the impostor was just another trigger-happy psychopath with no control.

Tifa got the other manacle out of the wall and braced her foot on the chain binding her hands together, applying hard pressure to free herself from the iron cuffs. The body jumper drove her leg backwards off the floor, colliding with Leon's bruised ribs just enough to dislodge his hold on her. McCallister threw him off and rolled back and up…her hand landing across the handle of the Gunblade. Leon was on his feet in a flash, and he saw Tifa getting to her feet too.

"This is your last warning." Leon hissed at the impostor.

The body jumper, however, lifted the Gunblade with McCallister's hands, eyes widening as she looked from the weapon to Leon. "She knows how to use this." She sounded startled. "You taught your little monkey how to handle this weapon." Her expression darkened. "Which means now I know how to use it."

Her grip shifted expertly onto the base position that Leon had taught McCallister. Tifa could see Leon mentally swearing, and she let loose a few of her own. Leon had never told her that he had trained any other soul to use the Gunblade, but it made sense. It was a bad idea to have only one person know how to use any kind of weapon. And if another weapons specialist knew how to use it properly, then that provided a way for Leon to train against it…for just these kinds of situations where he was facing down his own weapon, in his own intern's hands.

But that also meant…

The impostor tripped the mechanism on the Gunblade, and the blade of the weapon glowed and extended to over twice its normal length. Tifa scrambled to her feet. No matter the sense of it, Tifa cursed the fact that Leon had taught McCallister about the Gunblade at the moment. The body jumper looked from the blade to Leon, the glow of it glinting across McCallister's eyes.

"Oh, this will be fun." She smiled and attacked.

Tifa and Leon could only duck as the woman swung the overlarge weapon in a circle. The dungeon chamber was shorter in length than the blade, and the glowing tip of the Gunblade sliced through the concrete walls with a scream of metal. Tifa rolled hard to her left, ending up beside the upturned rotten table. The body jumper's instruments had fallen to the floor, along with whatever ingredients and ritualistic items that she had brought for the spellwork. Among the knives and leaves and broken bowls of…stuff…Tifa spotted McCallister's side holster. The impostor must have removed it, for whatever reason, but the gun was still in it.

While Leon grappled with trying to stay alive, keep the weapon away from Tifa, and try to incapacitate the body jumper without seriously hurting McCallister, Tifa yanked the holster toward her and pulled out the gun. It was loaded and ready to go. Tifa removed the safety and tried not think about aiming the thing at the soldier.

The Gunblade sank deep into the wall above Leon's head and jammed there. The woman yanked on it, but it was stuck fast. Leon scrambled sideways and sprang back to his feet. With the Gunblade immobilized, now he could take her down.

"Not so fast!" She barked, activating the trigger on the weapon.

The entire body of the Gunblade vibrated as the trigger blew. The action caused a small explosion of concrete and mortar dust to flood the air in the chamber. The glow from the magical extension faded; even with McCallister's training running through the body jumper's mind, she didn't have the stamina to keep the weapon charged like that. The Gunblade clattered to the floor, and she knelt to snatch it up again.

Leon surged forward, knowing he wouldn't be able to beat her to it; she was too close. Instead, he ducked her involuntary, haphazard swing and lashed out, kicking her square in the shoulder and knocking her back. She cried out in pain and rolled hard, ending up on one knee.

"Fira!" She lifted one hand.

The fireball shot across the chamber and nailed Leon in the stomach. He left his feet with the blow and slammed into the far wall, just a few meters from Tifa. He hissed as the flame spell faded and started to get back to his feet. Instinctively, Tifa tossed him the gun, so at least he would have SOME form of defense.

The impostor charged again, Gunblade raised, and Leon reacted and tried not to focus too hard on the implications of what he was about to do. He lifted the gun, aimed, and fired.

The bullet punched through McCallister's uniform just below her ribs on the left side, dropping her like a stone. The Gunblade dropped to the floor with a heavy thud, as did the gun in Leon's hand. He staggered upright and darted to the private, who was choking and gasping in pain. The bullet had gone completely through, digging into the wall behind her. Leon dropped to his knees and quickly applied pressure to the entry wound.

"Get out of her." Leon grit his teeth. "Now."

The body jumper looked up with pain glazed eyes, trembling. "Y-you shot her. You shot your own soldier." Her mouth twisted into a sick smile. "That's so heartless that it's kind of a turn on."

Tifa reached them, also in shock at what had just happened. "Leave her now."

Impatiently, Leon straightened, "We don't have time for this." He lifted a hand. "Neutro."

The air popped and crackled. The impostor suddenly screamed, back arching off the floor as a mist of blue vapor poured out of her mouth. It faded in the air and the body fell slack.

Tifa waved a hand in front of her face. "Was that a…spell?"

"Neutralizing spell." Leon muttered, checking McCallister's pulse and breathing. "Neutralizes any magic or magic entities in a ten foot radius."

Tifa gawked, "Well that would have been handy to know sooner!" She took a step closer. "Is she okay? I mean, she's still been shot."

Leon stood, lifting the soldier up in his arms. "Flesh wound; I just needed to shock her. She should be okay." He glanced down at the unconscious soldier. "I'm sorry."

Tifa picked up the Gunblade and followed him out, shaking her head. "Why is it always shapeshifters?"

**..:-X-:..**

**A/N:** The last line is a nod to my Mercy Trilogy, where…let's just say…there's some shapeshifting involved. They're just fun XD

Also, this is probably the closest I'll get to writing a fight scene between Leon and McCallister, even though it wasn't really her, but I digress. I mean, clearly Leon would thrash her to bits, but it would still be fun to write sometime maybe.

Anyway, hope it was entertaining!


	18. Honey, We Were Shrunken by Heartless

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, its characters or storyline. This collection is mine. Enjoy!**

**..:-X-:..**

**018 – Honey, We Were Shrunken by Heartless**

(For The Sacred and Profane; Prompt: 'Squall and Tifa find themselves Mini'd thanks to a new type of Heartless. Shrunken, the pair's only hope lies in Yuffie and Donald')

As the flash of light faded, Yuffie became distinctly aware of a few things. One, the new Heartless—which Yuffie had dubbed Pronged Neos due to their long, forked tongues and cloven hands and feet—had retreated. Two, the light snow that had been falling when the Heartless first attacked the Bailey had become just short of a blizzard. Three, Leon and Tifa had disappeared.

Looking to her left and right, Yuffie shuddered in the cold and cupped her hands around her mouth, "Leon! Tifa!" She called out.

Getting no response, Yuffie made sure that the Heartless were truly gone before stepping sideways to begin the search for her comrades in arms. The last thing she had seen, the Pronged Neos had hit both Leon and Tifa with their tongues. Which was both strange and gross. Strange because they had big, clobbering hooves that might have done more damage than a whip-like tongue, and gross because…well…EW!

As she moved her foot to take another step, her eyes drifted downward. Something caught her eye right where she was about to set her foot down. Without fully realizing why, she hastily lengthened her stride to avoid stepping on the dark spot in the snow and ended up taking an awkwardly long step. Wiggling a little to keep her balance, she squinted at the spot.

…No…way…

Yuffie hit her knees, a half snort escaping her, "You have GOT to be kidding me."

From his suddenly six-inch stature, Leon got to his feet and glared up at her. "Does this look like a kidding situation to you?"

His voice sounded like he was on helium, and Yuffie covered her mouth against the burst of laughter that crept up on her upon hearing him. Leon brushed the snow off of himself. While the snow was just deep enough for her boots to sink into, on Leon, it was almost mid-calf on him.

"What happened?" She asked, still smirking.

"What do you think happened?" Leon sounded bitter. "Those Heartless must have some kind of venom in their tongues that causes people to shrink."

"That's a pretty stupid ability." Yuffie lifted an eyebrow.

"Really?" Leon snapped sarcastically. "Shrink your enemy down and then simply stomp on them? Like you almost did?"

"Point taken." Yuffie shrugged and then stopped, "Wait, but that means Tifa too—"

She frantically moved her feet to make sure that she hadn't accidentally smashed the miniature-d woman, found nothing, and started looking around. In the bright white of the snow, it wasn't difficult to pick out Tifa's black outfit, even if she was only six inches tall now. Unfortunately, it looked like the woman wasn't moving.

Yuffie shuffled to her and turned her over. Tifa was unconscious, but she didn't appear injured and there wasn't any blood. Gingerly scooping her out of the snow, Yuffie returned to where Leon was. She extended her other hand.

"I think she's okay, just knocked out. C'mon, I'll get you guys inside." She said.

Leon looked mortified at the idea of being carried like a doll and hesitated.

Yuffie rolled her eyes, "Squall, you can either let me carry you or you can walk by yourself. We're twenty feet from the door…So we'll see you in an hour, yeah?"

"It's Le—" He started, but while he was correcting her per usual, Yuffie snatched him up by force.

"Yuffie!" He wriggled frantically in her grasp, "What the Hell—"

She stood, and the rush of moving from the ground to that height gave him enough vertigo to shut him up. Yuffie crossed over to the door to Merlin's house and kicked it open, as both her hands were occupied. Ducking inside out of the snow, she reverse-kicked the door closed again and shook the snow off her person.

"Okay, great, fine, we're in. Put me down!" Leon clawed at her fingers, which were wrapped around his torso.

Yuffie snickered and deposited both Leon and Tifa—who was by now starting to stir—on the coffee table. He staggered off balance and glared at her, rubbing his ribs for a moment, before kneeling beside Tifa to assess her condition for himself. Yuffie shivered in the after-chill of the snow and went into the kitchen near the back of the house to nab some of the coffee. Maybe she'd get some for Leon and Tifa too. They probably needed warming up more than she did…But it wasn't like she could just pour them a glass. They'd drown in it!

Perusing what might work as a glass for six-inch tall person, Yuffie nearly jumped out of her skin when she turned into the kitchen and saw Donald Duck sitting at the table, poring over one of Merlin's old spell books.

"Bah!" She started, lifting a hand to her chest. "Donald, you nearly gave me a heart attack!"

Donald just looked up from the text and lifted an eyebrow, "People reading books quietly scares you?" He chuckled.

"Hmph." Yuffie spun on her heel and went about getting that coffee.

She could probably fix this by herself. Heck, maybe Leon or Tifa knew how to fix this situation. Nevermind that Donald was a magician in his own right; he was such a smart ass sometimes that it wouldn't be worth asking him for help. Besides, Leon was humiliated enough about YUFFIE seeing him like that, and she had seen Leon in some pretty messed up situations.

"Leon and Tifa got hit by a Heartless that shrinks you down to six inches tall." She blurted.

Leon's dignity could take another hit, right?

Donald blinked at her, "Wha-?"

Yuffie finished pouring herself a mug of coffee and beamed. "Wanna see?"

Donald smirked, marked his spot in the text, closed the book, and hopped down from his seat to follow her back into the den. Leon and Tifa were where they had been left on the table. Tifa was sitting up now, rubbing her head and looking disoriented, while Leon knelt beside her, still a little concerned.

"I brought help." Yuffie announced, gesturing to Donald with a flourish.

Donald, for his part, pointed and laughed unabashedly at the two shrunken figures on the table. Not just a giggle kind of laugh either, but a full blown, gut busting laugh that sent him tumbling to the floor. Leon watched him topple over and then sent a razor sharp glare in Yuffie's direction. It would have been intimidating if he wasn't so small. Frankly, he could only look adorable in this state.

"Tifa, are you okay?" Yuffie asked after a beat.

Tifa looked up at her, "I guess…aside from…you know." She gestured around herself.

They both looked a little chilled; the smaller bodies apparently couldn't warm up as fast as their normal-sized selves. Aerith had left her pink Snuggie on the couch from the previous day, so Yuffie snatched it up and toted it over, plopping it on the table for them. Tifa immediately took advantage of it, her bare arms and legs probably freezing. Leon apparently had his pride to keep him warm, as he folded his arms and deliberately looked away from the scene.

Donald finally recovered enough to stand up again, wiping the tears of mirth from his eyes. "Looks like you've got a LITTLE bit of a problem." He snarked.

"Where's Merlin?" Leon said, still staring away from them.

"Out." Yuffie shrugged.

"Can you call him?" Tifa said, bundling herself up in the makeshift blanket, "I'd rather be like this for as little time as possible." Then, absently. "Aerith would be one thing, but if Cid or Cloud saw us like this—"

Looking the other way, Leon's eyes widened dramatically at the implications of that. Yuffie snorted at his expression. Cid had seen Leon in some deep crap before; he would give Leon and Tifa a good taunting for the whole thing, but Cloud…That would be downright hilarious, considering how often Cloud and Leon were always trying to pick each other apart and mock the other's inadequacies and shortcomings.

Oh the puns to be made on 'shortcomings' alone…If Cloud saw Leon like this, Leon's dignity would die a slow painful death, Cloud would be sure of it. Tifa didn't look too concerned, however…though Cloud would probably only make passing remarks about it at her, because…well…she would just punch his face in.

"It's a pretty simple spell." Donald remarked, drawing them all back.

"Could you do it then?" Tifa asked, getting awkwardly to her feet.

"Easy-peasy." Donald cracked his knuckles dramatically.

While Yuffie was left pondering how he HAD knuckles, the duck scampered off to get the necessary materials for the spell. She pulled up a chair and plopped into it backwards, resting her arms across the back rest of it, looking at her two friends.

"What's it like?" She asked curiously. "Being ridiculously small."

Leon just glared, but Tifa shrugged, "Kind of like that one room in Wonderland…only so much weirder because this is Merlin's house." She looked around slowly.

"Are you sure you want to be changed back so quickly?" She asked.

"YES." They both immediately responded in unison.

"But—but think of the fun stuff you could do!" Yuffie gestured. "Imagine if we got two little saddles and hooked them onto Duke—"

They just stared at her.

"You could go parasailing on a kite—"

More staring.

"Or—oh! Barbie car." She said emphatically.

"Found it!" Donald announced, carrying a slim spellbook into the room.

"Thank GOD." Leon visibly deflated with relief.

Donald rolled up his sleeves and set the text on the table in front of them. "Now, this might be a little tricky—"

"Tricky?" Tifa shrugged out of the blanket.

"Well, I can't just zap you with a reversing spell because shrinking and enlarging requires keeping proportions correct. Not just arms and legs but organs and bones." Donald explained.

"You said it was simple." Leon snapped impatiently.

"Simple in magic is still really complicated." Donald clarified. "But I was trained by Yen Sid." He boasted.

"Great," Tifa put her hands on her hips, "So if we need an army of animated broomsticks, you're our guy."

Donald frowned at the remark but took out his magic staff. "Do you want my help or not?"

"Yes." Leon murmured flatly before looking up. "Just…test it on me first. Don't do us both at the same time."

Yuffie and Tifa both blinked.

"I told you…I know what I'm doing." Donald's quick temper flared.

"I know, just to be safe." Leon lifted his hands.

"No." Tifa stepped forward. "You don't get to be all sacrificial when you're six inches tall." She looked to Donald. "Test it on me first."

"What the Hell?" Leon spun to her. "You're only six inches tall too!"

Yuffie and Donald exchanged deadpan looks. Yuffie shrugged and nodded toward them. Donald nodded in agreement and aimed his magic staff at both of them.

"Wait." Yuffie lifted her phone and snapped a picture of the two tiny warriors bickering on the table top.

Donald snorted and then quickly spouted off the incantation with a flash of magic.

Both Leon and Tifa's bickering was silenced with a POP and a THUD, and Yuffie distinctly heard the snapping of breaking wood as the light from the spell faded. When the slight mist cleared, both Leon and Tifa were back to their normal sizes, on the floor, and Merlin's table had been broken under the sudden combined weight of them.

"Geez." Tifa wheezed, sitting up and inspecting herself. "Maybe a little warning next time?"

Leon got up on his knees, shaking his head. "The Hell was that for?"

Donald folded his arms. "Like a bandage." He put his staff away. "Just say thank you so I can get back to my studies."

Tifa and Leon begrudgingly sighed, "Thanks, Donald."

The duck bobbed his head triumphantly and half turned toward the kitchen, "Oh, and Yuffie, send me that picture."

Yuffie saluted. "Will do."

And as soon as she did that, she was SO sending it to everybody else.

**..:-X-:..**

**A/N:** Disney characters are strangely hard to keep in character. I feel like Donald was a little off, but hopefully the idea of shrunken Leon and Tifa was amusing enough to distract from that.

More to come soon!


	19. Thorn in the Side

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, its characters or storyline. This collection is mine. Was overdue for some Cloud whumping, so this chapter happened. The prompt was too good to pass up on it. My apologies if it is slightly ridiculous. Enjoy!**

**..:-X-:..**

**19 – Thorn in the Side**

(For Taquiner; Prompt: 'Survival/Hunted with Cloud')

As consciousness slowly returned, Cloud became immediately aware of several things. One, everything hurt. Two, the Heartless were gone. Three, the ground was thirty feet below him. Four, he was hanging. Five, thorns. Five and a half, maybe he was dead.

He let his eyes adjust to the dim light around him. Dusk. That meant he had been out for a few hours at least. That wasn't encouraging. Drawing a careful breath, he gingerly lifted his head from its slack, downward position. Dull pain thrummed down his spine at the action, and a large thorn stroked down his cheek as he lifted his head, not deep enough to draw blood, but enough to be very uncomfortable.

One of Maleficent's parting gifts to Radiant Garden had been this massive thorn bush. 'Bush' didn't even begin to cover it. It was an entire field of the spiked vines, twisting and knotting and curling into and around themselves. It was resistant against magic, so the Restoration Committee had been manually chipping away at it for weeks. The problem was that it was a living plant, so it was continuing to grow even while they hacked at it. Some of the thorns were like those found on roses, enough to result in a smarting thumb. Others, like the ones that Cloud had landed in, were anywhere from the size of a fountain pen to the size of a shovel.

Cloud was reluctant to move, namely because even thinking about moving made his body ache, and secondly because he wasn't exactly sure what his position was regarding the thorns. There was no way that he had escaped being impaled at least once. The question was where and how deeply? At least his head and neck seemed to have been spared, and he could feel all of his limbs, so his spine was intact. Small miracles.

Considering that the Heartless that he had been battling had thrown him off the edge of one of the castle ruins' battlements, he was lucky that the thorns had caught him. The fall alone would have killed him on contact. He grimaced, relatively lucky. For all he knew, he was just hanging here waiting to bleed to death. He hadn't told anyone where he was going, what he was doing. He never told them. He had only recently joined the Restoration Committee; it wasn't like he was buddy-buddy with any of them.

He was unable to take not knowing any longer, so he looked down again, straining against the angle to get a look at the rest of his body. He had landed head first, which had caused his head and shoulders to be lower than the rest of his body. From the scratches and deep lacerations on his forearms and chest, not to mention his legs, he had cleanly snapped through a few layers of the thorny beast before coming to a halt. Great, that meant he was deep enough inside the thorns that he might not be spotted.

Further inspection revealed that, as suspected, a few thorns had stabbed into him and stayed there. Only three that qualified as more than dramatic splinters: one in his left calf, a second into his right shoulder, and a third just under his ribs on the right side. The one on his leg looked the deepest; there would be no removing it without bleeding out quickly. The one in his shoulder was shallow; he could pull that it one out if he was able. The one in his side was also just a flesh wound, but it shifted every time he breathed, making it the most painful.

Well, damn.

This was really, really going to suck. But he had to accept that there was nobody around, so he was going to have to get out of this himself. _And whose fault is that?_ He inwardly cringed at the thought, but there was no helping that now. Drawing two measured breaths, he moved his right arm up to the main branch of the thorn that was lodged in his shoulder. Forcing the muscles to grip the branch caused enough pain to make his eyes water involuntarily.

Then, with a sharp exhale, he shoved the branch away. The thorn was ripped less than cleanly from his shoulder, and the recoil flung a few drops of blood against his face from the open wound. Pain filled his entire arm like salty water, and he cried out as he started to tumble. That branch pushing against his shoulder had been the main thing keeping him there, and as he started to fall, he immediately reached up with his left arm and grabbed a thorn-free branch, pulling himself up to avoid free falling.

The upward pull motion jogged the thorn in his side free, and Cloud's arms trembled as he held on to keep from falling. Warm blood dribbled down his shoulder and snaked out from the gash in his side. Okay. Okay, that…that probably might not have been his greatest idea…But—okay, he was okay.

"Cloud!"

He nearly let go of the branch in surprise. Wheezing slightly, he looked down through the thorns to the ground out and below. There, pale as a sheet, was Aerith. Cloud felt a rampage of feelings crash through him when he made eye contact with her, primarily spouting from: you found me, what are you doing here in the first place, and I don't want you see me die like this. The Heartless had vanished, but they might still be prowling around the area. It wasn't safe for her here.

But even as he tried to form words to tell her so, Aerith had pulled out her phone and was dialing for help. More relief flooded in to quench the fires of worry and horror that had been burning at his insides, and Cloud sagged slightly on the branch. He was still bleeding, he could see. That probably wasn't a good…thing…

_Put-put-put-vrang!_

Cloud snapped his eyes back open at the loud, horrendous noise. Had he passed out? He wasn't holding onto the branch above him anymore. Maybe he had passed out and fallen, jugular-first onto a thorn, and now he was dead. But if he was dead, he had to be in Hell, because why else would Leon be there with a chainsaw?

Blinking, Cloud dragged his mind out of the haze and realized that the chainsaw had been making that noise as Leon revved it, slicing at the thorns below. Aerith was standing several feet back, hands up around her face, staring up at Cloud with wide, worried eyes.

"Be careful!" She suddenly shouted.

Well, no shit—

"No shit!" Yuffie's voice screamed somewhere close to him.

Cloud jerked slightly and started to turn to see where the girl was, but Yuffie's hand reached out and smacked the top of his head.

"Ah, stay put. It took me ten minutes to get all that crap off you without you twitching and making a whole 'nother mess!" She reprimanded.

He must have passed out for longer than he thought…but he had accurately guessed that he had let go of the branch when he passed out, since the ground was MUCH closer through the thorn field now. He could also feel a few new abrasions on his arms and legs, and one that stung across his jawline, but otherwise, not much different.

"Now, hold still, I'm halfway through." Yuffie said, softer this time.

Cloud realized that he had pretty much leveled out at this point, and it sounded like Yuffie was almost right beside him. His leg was burning where the large thorn had cut into his calf, and he ached to tear it free and damn the consequences, but he could feel Yuffie doing something to the thorn or to his leg, so he tried to remain still.

Instead, he cast his eyes down below to where Leon was hacking through the thorns almost too expertly for his comfort. The drop between where Cloud was hanging suspended and the ground was almost clear of thorns at that point, like some kind of safe tunnel. He was still roughly ten feet above the ground, however, and less than ten feet above a freaking chainsaw.

Sure, he trusted Leon with his life in matters like this, but he doubted the man would lose any sleep if he accidentally cut off one of Cloud's fingers. What a bastard. If you cut off my finger, I will telepathically make it haunt you, he inwardly thought.

Then he blinked. He must have lost a lot of blood too.

"There." Yuffie announced, "Try not to move." She touched his back briefly before shifting and yelling down. "He's free!"

Leon finished clearing away the last of the thorns and shut off the saw, setting it aside and looking up, removing his safety glasses. "And?"

"I had to leave it in. It was too deep." Yuffie announced.

Aerith fidgeted, moving up behind Leon. "Cloud, can you hear me?"

Cloud grimaced. "Yeah. Sorry."

Leon snorted at the piss-poor apology and stepped into the cleared funnel inside the thorns. "Are there two branches in there strong enough to hold the harness to lower him down?"

Lower…No. NO. Cloud was fairly certain he could get down by himself. There was no harness necessary. Kingdom Hearts, that would be even more humiliating than it already was.

"Harness-smarness." Yuffie said, "I got this."

What? NO!

Unable to argue or fight her off, however, Cloud felt Yuffie shift his legs away from the big nasty thorns until he was almost hanging like off a common ledge. The jarring movement sent a few ramrods of pain from his leg, through his hips, and up into his chest. A groan escaped and he felt like he might vomit.

"Sorry." Yuffie said, though she continued to wriggle his limbs free.

His vision was starting to tunnel again by the time she was done, and when he next snapped out of it, Yuffie was behind him, and he was heavily leaning against her. Aerith and Leon were below, close enough that Cloud could have kicked Leon in the face if he was so inclined…Blood loss again, why would he think that?

"Coming down." Yuffie announced, getting a surprisingly strong hold on Cloud.

The world tilted crazily as they started to move, and he wasn't sure how much of it was dizziness and how much was actual movement. Either way, he didn't like it. He also didn't like the way both Leon and Aerith stared at his leg for a moment. Well, Aerith continued to stare, but Leon looked back up to him and Yuffie, ready to lend assistance if necessary.

Feeling utterly useless at this point, Cloud adjusted to the restored bloodflow in his limbs to reach out and grasp anything thorn-free that he could find, trying to carry as much of his own weight as he dared. Together, he and Yuffie managed to maneuver through the mess until their boots were almost on the ground. Just before they touched down, however, Leon slid in and under Cloud's left arm, keeping his injured leg from taking any weight. Cloud awkwardly looked at him, and Leon just shot him a look that said 'trust me, you DON'T want to stand on that.'

Yuffie dropped less than gracefully to her feet behind him and wriggled away from the thorns. "Geez, talk about too close for comfort!" She looked up and gawked at the mess.

Then Aerith was on him.

"Are you okay? Are you sure? Can you see me? Say something!"

"Ugh." Was all Cloud managed before it all became too much.

Too much pain, blood, and close calls. He could have died easily three times over the past afternoon. The idea of Aerith being there to see two of those instances pushed him over the edge. He felt useless, helpless, and like the dead weight burden that he had always figured that he was to these people. Cloud: nemesis of Sephiroth, felled by a few well placed thorns.

"Oookay." Leon must have seen what was coming, because he abruptly turned Cloud away from Aerith and Yuffie.

Cloud dropped his head and threw up. The effort of it nearly sent his knees out from under him, had Leon not been there. Aerith touched his arm as he finished and he wiped his mouth with his other sleeve.

"Feel better?" Leon asked flatly.

Cloud glared with as much energy as he could muster. "Eat me."

Leon snorted and looked to Aerith, "He'll be fine."

Aerith didn't look convinced, "Let's get him back to Merlin's. I've only got a Potion on me here and my ether levels are still low from where the Heartless showed up."

"Heartless?" Cloud came back to attention as they made their way over to the green jeep that Leon and Tifa had renovated.

"A group of them turned up after you went unconscious, before Leon and Yuffie arrived." Aerith explained as Yuffie called shotgun and Leon helped Cloud get into the car.

This day just kept getting worse.

"Are you okay?" Cloud asked her.

Aerith got into the back seat with him while Leon wrestled the keys away from Yuffie. "I'm fine. Here you are, bleeding all over the back seat, after spending hours hanging in the thorns that Maleficent left behind, and you're asking me if I'M okay." She snorted and opened the bottle of Potion in her hands.

The jeep's engine came to life and started to roll away from the castle ruins and toward the Great Maw. The jolt made Cloud look down at his leg, where Yuffie had cut the thorn from the branch, leaving it in his leg, rather than remove it and deal with the bleeding. The sight of it made him nauseas again, but he didn't have anything left in him to throw up.

"This day sucks." He wheezed.

Aerith looked sympathetic, "Sorry."

"For wha—"

Aerith abruptly reached down, grasped the thorn in his calf, and pulled it out. Before Cloud could properly react to that, she upturned the Potion bottle over the wound, causing to heal completely and almost instantaneously. That done, she sat up and looked at him warily.

Cloud, frozen in the tensed and cringing position, just whimpered, "Ow…"

"So." Yuffie spun around from her spot in the front seat while Leon drove. "Getting beat up by Heartless and thrown into a mess of thorns: how painful was THAT?"

"Not as much as this conversation." Cloud grimaced and closed his eyes, staying like that for the rest of the trip back to Merlin's house.

**..:-X-:..**

**A/N:** I think I subtextually tried to include subtext in this one…and probably failed miserably. Ah well. I will say it's fun playing with this weird sort-of friendship between Cloud and Leon. They're only really friends in that 'I hate you' kind of way.

The green jeep was a little throwback to an ongoing plot in my earlier Lefa stories, where Tifa buys a rust bucket of a jeep and renovates it…Well, Leon ends up doing most of the work. That's just love, I guess.

XD


	20. Three Men and a Toad

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, its characters or storyline. This collection is mine, as are Jake and McCallister. I also do not have any affiliation with the Princess and the Frog or Harry Potter. Enjoy.**

**..:-X-:.**

**020 – Three Men and a Toad**

(For The Sacred and Profane; Prompt: 'Tifa gets hit by a Toad spell and Squall isn't exactly a maiden.')

"And it HAS to be a fair maiden?" Leon asked.

Beside him, Cloud tilted his head at the sight before them. "Exclusively."

Tifa huffed from where position on the chair. "Can you stop staring?"

"No." Cloud responded.

"Not really." Leon replied.

"Of all the…first I get turned into an elephant, then I get turned into a wart hog, then I shrink to a mere six inches tall. And now THIS? And all of those solutions, solved by magic, but for THIS I have be kissed by a princess?" Tifa fumed.

"Thank you, universe." Cloud snickered.

Leon, however, took pity on his wife-turned-toad. "It's not our fault." He squatted down to her level to get a better look at the transformation. "We looked through every single text that Merlin owns, called Yen Sid, and even texted the Fairy Godmother."

Tifa folded her froggy arms, looking cross, "Yeah, after you two idiots stopped laughing at me."

"—They all said the same thing." Leon went on. "And unfortunately, neither of us is a maiden nor a princess."

"Speak for yourself." Cloud snarked, arms folded.

"I'm sorry." Leon straightened, looking at him. "Who got tricked into wearing a purple dress and a wig?"

"Certainly not the same guy who went undercover in a strip club as a woman named Candy." Cloud shot back.

"Enough!" Tifa hopped across the couch. "Okay, fine. If there's no actual spell that will undo this, we just have to find a princess, is all."

Cloud and Leon stopped their bickering long enough to look at her.

"Yuffie has some royal blood in her, doesn't she?" Leon remembered, "Her dad's side."

"But she's in Atlantica for the next week." Cloud pointed out.

"Some of Aerith's family are related to the old line of priestesses…That's…kind of like royalty." Tifa suggested.

"Cetra." Cloud clarified. "But she's in Agrabah consulting with the Sultan and his creepy advisor…Who knows how long that'll take."

"Okay…um…which is more important, the maiden bit or the royal bit?" Tifa asked.

"Does it matter? Neither of us have 'maiden bits'." Cloud did air-quotes.

"Speak for yourself." Leon sassed. "Besides, even disregarding that, I don't have any royal blood."

"You're King of the Assholes to me." Cloud offered with a shit-eating grin.

"Just try it please?" Tifa pleaded. "For me."

Leon grimaced and picked her up with both hands. "You better love me for this."

Cloud had his camera-phone out. "Sooo much." He snickered.

Leon glared at him and then kissed Tifa the Toad before he could talk himself out of it. It was quick and it was sloppy, but when he pulled away, Tifa was still a green-skinned amphibian in his hands.

"Well," Leon said stoicly. "It appears to not have worked."

Tifa rolled her eyes, "Okay, you did your husbandly duty. You can put me down."

Leon hastily set her down and frantically wiped at his mouth. "Why did you use tongue?"

"It's nearly a foot long; did I have a choice?" Tifa snapped at him.

Cloud snickered again, saving the picture to his phone.

While Leon scrubbed at his tongue, Tifa looked to Cloud. "What are you giggling about? Your turn now, hot shot."

Cloud hesitated. "But Leon already tried."

"And failed."

"What makes me any different?"

"You're…blond? I don't know, just do it." Tifa gestured.

"But you two are married." Cloud pointed to her and Leon. "He hates me for just looking in your direction sometimes."

"Well, right now you're staring at me and I'm completely naked." Tifa gestured to her frog body. "He doesn't appear to care too much."

They both looked over at Leon, who had composed himself.

"Just do it, man." He said, looking defeated.

"Fine, but only because I'm a great friend." Cloud pointed out, kneeling to Tifa's level.

Cloud kissed Tifa the Toad, and once again, nothing happened…except more manly disgust. Besides that, in the middle of Cloud's attempt, the door opened and Jake Alms walked in. He started, staggered, and then just stared as the scene unfolded in front of him.

"Well, you tried." Tifa shrugged as Cloud darted to rinse his mouth out.

"Okay…" Jake lifted a hand to his temple. "I was always warned not to drink the water in the bong…but…did that just happen?"

Leon and Tifa looked at him.

"Jake, are you royalty?" Tifa asked.

"You DRINK it?" Leon squinted one eye.

"The toad speaks!" Jake pointed wildly. "Why is it speaking? Tell me you are seeing this too, dude!"

"It's Tifa, you moron." Leon said. "There was an incident with a spellbook—"

"That's what we're calling it then." Tifa shrugged.

"—and she was turned into a toad. Now we have to find a fair maiden or princess or whatever to kiss her and return her to normal."

Jake stood there for a moment, looking bewildered. Then he pointed at Cloud, still looking at Leon. "And what part of EITHER of you two is maiden-y or princess-y?"

"It was worth a shot, okay?" Cloud argued.

"Wait…and you asked me if I was royalty?" Jake pointed to himself, looking to Tifa.

"Yeah, I'm just exercising all my options here." Tifa said.

Jake rubbed the back of his neck. "Sorry…No dice. Unless there was a King of Awesome, and then…guilty." He struck a little pose.

Tifa and Leon exchanged a flat look.

"Maybe try it anyway." Tifa suggested. "Kissing a frog, that's probably on your bucket list, right?"

"Well, kissing Tifa Lockhart is on my bucket list." Jake tilted his head.

Leon snarled a bit.

"But I never imagined she would be in frog form." Jake finished pensively.

"Are you done?" Tifa snapped.

Jake popped his knuckles and picked her up. "Ladies always line up for some Jake lovin'." He said, kissing her then.

Again, nothing happened.

After, Jake looked at Tifa, saw she was still a Toad, shrugged, and set her back down.

"Ah, worth a shot, right?"

Leon and Cloud stared at him, rather at his lack of revulsion. Jake noticed and shrugged.

"Not the weirdest thing I've done today."

Cloud narrowed one eye, "You—"

"Jake," Leon said, grasping the man's shoulder in a older-brother fashion, "Stop drinking the water in the bong, buddy."

Jake nodded sheepishly.

"Now what?" Tifa lamented. "I'm just going to be a toad until Yuffie or Aerith get back."

"Not necessarily." Leon thought out loud.

The others looked at him.

Leon paused. "I can't guarantee anything…but I think I remember processing Tabaeus McCallister's paperwork. Her grandmother married the prince of…somewhere."

"McCallister is a princess?" Jake's eyes glinted.

"No." Leon corrected, "But she might have enough royal blood to make this work."

"Give her a call." Tifa prompted.

_Five minutes later…_

"I thought you said this was an emergency?" Private McCallister said, standing in Merlin's living room with Leon, Cloud, Jake, and Tifa the Toad.

"It is." Leon said. "A…frog-related…emergency."

"Tifa was turned into a frog and needs a fair maiden princess to kiss her." Jake explained.

Cloud leaned toward Leon, "How can he explain that without sounding like a complete idiot?"

"He's Jake." Leon answered.

McCallister looked from Jake to Tifa. "Seriously?"

"As a heart attack." Tifa replied. "So…your grandma married a prince?"

"Yeah." McCallister looked bewildered.

"Then pucker up." Tifa faced her.

McCallister looked to Leon, her superior officer, a plea for help in her eyes.

In answer, Leon, Cloud, and Jake all just pulled out their camera-phones and aimed them at the ready.

With a sigh, McCallister squatted in front of Tifa, who was perched on the table, closed her eyes, leaned in, and forced herself to kiss her. Three camera clicks followed, as did a swirl of pink and green light that enveloped Tifa, morphing her back into her human self.

As the light faded, the others blinked and all of them realized that the magic of turning a toad back into a human did not cover the returning of clothes.

"Oh." Tifa looked down at her stark naked self.

Cloud abruptly spun so that his back was to her, flushing red madly. Leon snatched up a blanket from the couch and gave it to her so she could cover herself up. Jake had a nosebleed and collapsed to the floor in a wide-eyed heap.

"Why didn't you look like THAT when I kissed you?" Jake gawked.

McCallister frowned at him, folding her arms.

Tifa held the blanket around herself. "Oh God, you did kiss me, didn't you?"

She darted into the kitchen to rinse her mouth out.

McCallister turned on her heel to look at the three men. "Seriously?"

All three of them exchanged looks.

"Are you three stupid?" She balled her fists at her sides. "It took you guys three failed attempts to realize that you aren't women?"

"Well…maybe we thought that since she was a girl frog, she needed a prince." Cloud lied through his teeth.

McCallister rolled her eyes. "And yet you called me?"

"Yer just mad because I kissed another woman." Jake teased, getting to his feet.

"That—you are—there is—" McCallister fumed, smacking him back to the floor.

"Calm down, McCallister." Leon started.

The soldier almost snapped at him too, but just barely stopped herself.

"Five points from Gryffindor for you two, and five from Hufflepuff." She snapped. "For just being…stupid men."

"Wait, which one is from Hufflepuff?" Jake asked.

Cloud and Leon—as well as McCallister—looked at him flatly.

Fed up, McCallister stomped over to the front door. "Morons." She announced, leaving the house and slamming the door after herself.

The three of them continued to stand there awkwardly.

"Did we just get yelled at by MCCALLISTER?" Cloud looked boggled.

**..:-X-:..**

**A/N:** Why? Because Harry Potter. As of this chapter, I am no longer taking prompts for this collection, due to time constraints and other things eating my life right now. I will fill all prompts that have already been submitted over the next few weeks.

The line where Tifa talks about being turned in an elephant and a wart hog are references from earlier works of mine that were prompt-fueled also, as was the reference to Leon dressing like a woman named Candy.

Full prompt: "Tifa gets hit by a Toad spell and Squall isn't exactly a maiden. Cloud suggests cross-dressing and letting Squall kiss Tifa. (Aerith and Yuffie are out of town.)"

Sassy McCallister was sassy in this chapter. I regret nothing.


	21. Unadulterated Loathing

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, its characters or storyline. This collection is mine. Had some fun with this prompt too. Some bad language, and oddly not from Cid this time. Enjoy.**

**..:-X-:..**

**021 – Unadulterated Loathing**

(For Sakoura'K.A.M; Prompt: 'A game of tag. With Cloud and Leon 'tagging' each other violently.')

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Aerith asked.

Cid snorted, "Less and less by the second."

The two vehicles sitting in the middle of the Great Maw were massive. The tires themselves were nearly five feet in diameter. The underbellies of them were easily two feet from the ground. They looked like twin hulks of destruction, solid armored sides and all of the glass in the windows was over four inches thick.

"These babies have been tested for speed, durability, taking fire, dealing fire, parked them right on top of live explosives, drove them through the river, up the mountains, through a few solid concrete walls." Cid boasted, "They're beautiful."

Aerith had to admit, they looked impressive.

"This test is for maneuverability, turning, the like." Cid explained. "Leon volunteered and it didn't take much persuading to get Cloud to test the other one."

Aerith watched Leon and Cloud evil-eying each other as they climbed into their respective trucks. "They aren't going to hurt each other, are they?"

Cid took a long drag from his cigarette with a snort, "They can try. I'm banking on it that they do."

The engine in Leon's vehicle turned over with a roar like a bear's. A second later, so did Cloud's, and Aerith almost SAW Cloud's eyes light up at the power under the hood. Cloud's truck surged forward first, gravel and bits of the Great Maw's floor spitting out from under the tires. Then the truck shot forward, zig zagging slightly until the driver got a handle on the controls.

Both Leon and Cloud had been subjected to using hand free radios in the trucks in order to relay observations and opinions through back to Cid, who had the receiver open on the folding table between himself and Aerith. As Leon's truck jerked forward to give chase after Cloud, the radio crackled.

"You didn't say there was no power steering." Leon's voice came over.

Cid depressed the speaker. "There's no power steering, princess."

Ahead of Leon, Cloud was breaking in the vehicle, doing abrupt turns and whipping around some of the fallen boulders that had settled on the canyon floor.

"Whoo, baby." Cloud hissed, skidding across the side of one of the large rocks and leaving a streak of black paint on it.

Aerith grimaced, but Cid snickered. "Them things are covered in dents and marks; the more the merrier…Make 'em earn it!"

Just a little behind, Leon was quickly getting his bearings on the machine and drove it serpentine across the width of the Great Maw. Between him and Cloud, Aerith swore it was like watching two eight year old boys playing with their toys. Cloud zipped particularly closely to Leon's driver side, and the radio exploded.

"Watch it!"

"I barely grazed you."

Cid snorted.

Leon retaliated by whipping around the nearest corner and nudging against the back of Cloud's truck, knocking him off track.

"Hey!" Cloud snapped.

Aerith heard Leon snicker over the radio.

Cloud straightened out and spun around, the tires blowing smoke and gravel against the wall of the Great Maw. He flashed his head lights at Leon, almost like he was signaling 'come at me, bro'. Aerith face palmed. Cid tossed his cigarette butt to the ground and snubbed it out with the toe of his boot, already taking out a fresh one.

There was another crunch of steel meeting steel and Aerith saw that Cloud had skidded his passenger side against the driver side of Leon's truck, quickly pulling away and making an almost 90 degree turn to escape the retaliation. Leon immediately whipped around, chasing after him. He sped up until he rear ended the truck, then quickly reversed and did an about-face, tires spinning as he made his getaway.

"You son of a—" Cloud barked, turning his own truck around to go after him. "It's on now, scarface."

Aerith tilted her head. "So these two are given the most advanced military transport technology in the Alliance, and are given the responsibility of resting its directional capabilities…and they're…playing tag?"

Cid snorted and shrugged, "Yet now we know that it can make 90 degree turns."

Aerith looked at him incredulously, "And if they get themselves killed?"

Cid started to answer, but a horrid noise of steel on steel made them turn.

Cloud had successfully rammed the front of his vehicle straight into the passenger side of Leon's truck, at what had probably been a high rate of speed, lifting it off the two side tires. Aerith gasped, but Cloud just gunned the accelerator, shoving Leon's truck onto its side.

"You BITCH!" Leon shouted over the radio.

"Leon, the truck only drives when it's ON its tires." Cloud taunted.

Aerith covered her mouth with her hands, but Cid waved off her concern.

"Triple reinforced roll bars. He's pissed, but he's fine. I promise."

As though to prove it, Leon activated some mechanism in the truck that propelled it off its side and back onto its tires. From where she was, the force looked like it would rattle anyone's teeth in their skull, but Leon was only letting loose a slew of impressive swear words as he reoriented himself. Then he was taking off after Cloud to get him back for that.

"I thought I heard thunder." Tifa announced as she walked up to Aerith and Cid. "Turns out it was just two overgrown children having a pissing contest."

Aerith sighed, "I think we established that it's a game of tag."

"Who's winning?" Tifa asked, looking out at the two trucks.

"I think Cloud. He almost made Leon turn turtle." Cid replied.

"Which is which?" Tifa asked.

Aerith looked out at the two trucks and realized that, now that she had looked away, she wasn't entirely sure which was Leon and which was Cloud.

"Leon's driver side is scratched to Hell." Cid offered.

"Both sides of both trucks are scratched to Hell." Tifa said, hands on her hips as she watched with them.

One of the trucks barreled over a cropping of rocks. A few Heartless materialized in response, clawing and hissing at the truck. However, the vehicle just whipped around and bulldozed over them.

"Aw yeah." Leon cackled over the radio.

Tifa snickered beside Cid.

Cloud, in the other truck, bounced over a few rough patches of rock, but couldn't escape as Leon used his momentum to smack into Cloud's front left tire, making him spin out. Then Leon was spinning away and roaring toward another group of Heartless that had popped their heads out for a look at the noise.

"Don't start something you can't finish, Strife!" Leon barked.

"I hate him." Cloud said flatly over the radio.

While Leon barreled through the Heartless, Cloud positioned himself and violently accelerated, slamming directly into the back of Leon's truck and sending him forward into the shallow pond on the east side of the Great Maw.

"Fuck!" Leon sounded rattled as his truck went head first into the pond.

Tifa's eyebrows lifted as Cloud peeled away from the scene, but Cid snorted.

"Water tested."

Tifa pointed. "Heartless tested?"

Aerith and Cid followed her indication to where one of the large swamp Heartless was clawing to the surface of the pond. Its large, mucky body was beige and tawny colored, with big, swinging mounds for arms and reptilian back legs.

"Oh…yes, but not quite on that scale." Cid noted, hitting the call button on the radio. "Leon, I might not call that thing's bluff."

Leon's back tires were spewing muck and water from the pond as he tried to reverse, but the tires gained no purchase and the swamp Heartless sloughed closer, looking irritated at being disturbed.

"Weapons?" Leon snapped over the radio.

"Yellow lever." Cid replied.

With a clank, the top of the truck popped open and a rocket launcher folded out of it, auto-aiming at the Heartless. The creature had just lifted its head to look at the new development, when the shell blasted out of the rocket launcher, greeting the Heartless right in the face. The missile exploded and the swamp Heartless roared, toppling backward into the pond, not to resurface.

"Woohoo!" Tifa let out a cheer.

The rocket launcher folded back into the roof and the panel slid back in to cover it. Cloud's truck rolled up behind Leon's.

"How'd you get it to do that?" He asked.

Leon just revved his reverse engines again, sending a mess of pond muck all over Cloud's windshield.

"You're such a dick." Cloud remarked, backing away.

Leon's tires finally gained purchase and he bucked out of the pond, skidding across the rock as he went back to ambling about in the Great Maw.

"Can I have a go in one whenever they get tired of it?" Tifa asked.

Cid exhaled smoke, "You really think either of them is going to get tired of that?"

Tifa tilted her head, "True enough. But still?"

"Sure." Cid shrugged, then over the radio, he said. "All right, that's good. Bring 'em back in."

"What? Already?"

"Ten more minutes!"

Aerith snickered into her fist, but Cid grunted, "Damn kids."

But Leon and Cloud aimed their vehicles back toward the mouth of the Great Maw where Cid, Aerith, and Tifa were. Leon's driver side was beaten badly, and one of Cloud's tires looked low on air, but neither appeared to be driving any worse or to be damaged at all.

As they rolled up, however, Leon let his truck get too close to where Cloud had parked Fenrir, and although the truck had been slowed to a mediocre coast, the tire still knocked the motorcycle completely onto its side upon contact. Immediately, the radio blew up.

"You mother fucker!"

And then Cloud was leaping out of the truck like a madman.

Leon killed his engine and opened the driver's door, but he just stood out of it and looked out over the mud-slacked window rim, with a shit-eating grin. Beside Aerith, Tifa let out a low whistle. Aerith tore her eyes away from Cloud spazzing out over his Fenrir to look at her.

"You okay?" She asked.

Tifa fanned herself. "Yeah, just…men and trucks, y'know?"

Aerith and Cid both looked at her awkwardly.

Cheeks pink, Tifa winked at Leon, who tipped an invisible hat to her. "He's kinda hot when he's vandalizing property."

That was Cid's cue to walk away, taking his pack of cigarettes with him. Aerith just scooted a few inches away. Cloud had pushed Fenrir back up onto its wheels by then.

"You bastard," He hissed. "The kick stand is broken."

"You pushed me into a pond, jackass." Leon barked, jumping down from the sizable distance between the cab and the ground. Mud and water had apparently gotten into the truck, as Leon was currently covered in it.

Tifa glanced to Aerith and any of the other soldiers who had drifted past to get a look at the test run. "Seriously, is this working for anybody else?" She rubbed her neck.

Aerith took another few steps away from the woman.

Tifa glanced over to Cid. "Could me and Leon borrow one of these for a weekend?"

Cid lit another cigarette with a flat "No". Both Tifa and Leon looked disappointed.

**..:-X-:..**

**A/N:** The title comes from the Wicked soundtrack 'What is this Feeling', which seems to be the song that always pops into my head when I'm writing Leon and Cloud in the same scene. I love writing the bickering between these two. Also, in my mind, Cloud is a gear-head.

The vehicle in this chapter was inspired by the Marauder, which just looks like a good thing to be driving when you want to DESTROY something.


	22. Mirror, Mirror, On the Wall

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, its characters or storyline. This collection is mine. This prompt lured some of my mischief out of me. This ditty is set deep into my little universe that I've made myself comfortable in. In this particular universe, a quick and dirty explanation of Squall's parents is that after Raine died shortly after childbirth, he was adopted by his Uncle and Aunt Leonhart. This has been hinted at in earlier stories of mine, and isn't really a spoiler, but it will be one of the plotlines in a future story, for those who care. Enjoy!**

**..:-X-:..**

**022 – Mirror, Mirror, on the Wall**

(For The Sacred and Profane; Prompt: 'Tifa and Squall as children living in Radiant Garden somehow find a mirror that lets them look into the future and both are grossed out by their future selves married life.')

When you're nine years old, spending the afternoon helping your dad clean out his storage room is not exactly at the top of your list of fun things to do.

Yet there was where Tifa found herself, sifting through boxes that were covered in dust and full of crap. Chairs, furniture, toys, clothes, more boxes: it was a nightmare…until a mirror caught her eye. Since her mother had passed away, they hadn't really had a mirror in their house. Mom had been the one who cared about appearances, and it wasn't a trait that she had passed onto her daughter. So Tifa initially thought nothing of it as she glanced at the intricate wooden framing around the outside of the glass.

Something in the reflection caught her eye though, and she paused. Well, that didn't look right. Blinking, she turned to look behind her. Just more boxes and crates and old furniture looked back at her. She frowned and turned her gaze to the mirror again. The reflection was bright, much brighter than the dusty darkness of the storage room. Actually, she could see a window in that room: letting in sunlight!

There were no windows in this storage room.

Utterly confused, the child scooted closer, moving side to side to get more of a peripheral view inside the mirror. She distinctly saw a woman in the mirror world—and this had to be another world that she was looking into—who had long dark hair kind of like Tifa's. The woman almost looked like her mother, but she was tending to a little boy who looked barely a year old, while a girl with brown hair who looked a little younger than Tifa was just visible in the room in the far back of the mirror, playing dolls with someone who was probably her father, judging by the matching brown hair.

The woman brushed her hair from her neck and Tifa noticed a small birth mark just behind the woman's ear…a birth mark that exactly matched the one that Tifa had behind HER ear! She lifted her fingers to the spot, as if to make sure for herself.

What…Was this…her future? Was that HER in the mirror?

She was…a housewife? Barf.

But…she had been learning martial arts under her Teacher for almost two years now. Why wasn't she some big…butt kicking…super woman? Instead, she's taking care of babies. Not that babies weren't…cool, she supposed…

And where was Cloud?

Cloud Strife was her best friend, had been nearly since birth, and where was he in all this madness? Okay, babies she could handle, and the no combat thing sucked, but no Cloud? What kind of messed up future was that? And who was that guy in the background? Her husband?

She wasn't sure she liked this future. In fact, she was pretty sure that she didn't.

"Tifa?" Her dad choked on dust, straightening from whatever pile that he'd been sorting through.

Tifa blinked and lifted a hand, "Over here. Hey, what's with this mirror?"

Her dad crossed over to her, looked past her to the mirror, and his gaze softened. "Ah, there it is." He said, almost warmly, as he approached. "I've been looking for this."

"Yeah, no surprise, considering all this crap in here." Tifa gestured to the boxes.

Her father gave her a slight reprimanding look, but quickly returned to gazing at the mirror. "No, I've got a guy in the other residential district wanting to buy it."

"Really?" Tifa asked, hugging her knees. "What's a man want with a mirror?"

"Gift for his wife, I guess." Her dad shrugged, lifting up the thing.

"I don't think it's a mirror." Tifa said, getting to her feet and dusting herself off.

"Oh?" Her dad said, walking out of the room. "Why say that?"

Tifa followed him out, "It—I mean, I thought I saw—not my reflection."

"Well, it IS a bit dusty in there. Your reflection probably looked like a dust monster." Her dad grinned, ruffling her hair.

She ducked away from the petting and looked under his elbow at the mirror in his hands. "No, not that. It was like…looking into a completely different…world…"

Her dad paused, looking pensively into the mirror. From this angle, Tifa could see into the mirror also, but it appeared to just be her father's reflection. Maybe you had to be directly in front of it before it started showing you weird stuff. Like a future with no Cloud and no martial arts training.

"What do you see, Dad?" She asked, noting the faraway look in his eyes.

He blinked and seemed to come back to himself. "Hm? Oh…just…me." He tilted the mirror slightly as if to show her his own reflection.

He was lying. She was nine; she wasn't stupid.

"Who wants it?" She asked, hopping up onto the kitchen chair as her father set the mirror down on the table.

"You remember Colonel Leonhart?" Her father said, getting a rag to properly clean the dust away from the woodwork.

"Not really."

"Well, him."

As he walked away to get more cleaning supplies, Tifa leaned over the table and looked down into the mirror again.

There she was, all grown up and married…to a boy…bleh. That was just depressing. And boring. Depressing and boring: unacceptable.

"I'm taking it over in an hour. You want to tag along?" Her dad said, bringing in some padded cloths to transport the mirror without breaking it.

"Nah." Tifa shook her head, "I'm going over to Cloud's later."

Her dad looked hesitant but canted his head, "All right, just be careful."

Not wanting to pick a fight about why her dad didn't like Cloud, Tifa skipped out the door and started down the sidewalk. Along the way, she did a few little air kicks that Teacher had taught her last week.

**..:-X-:..**

"Tada." Colonel Leonhart announced, unveiling the mirror not five minutes after the man, Mr. Lockhart, if Squall remembered right, had left it there.

"It's…a mirror." Squall remarked flatly. Any eight year old could see that.

His father looked at him. "Well, yes, but your mother will like it." He glanced at the intricate woodwork, not really looking into the mirror itself. "It's…pretty, right?"

Squall tilted his head at the thing and shrugged. "I guess."

His mother was more enthused when his father presented it to her.

"Oh, it's lovely!" She hailed, running her fingers over the carved framing. "It looks like an antique. I didn't know these still existed!"

Squall and his father both exchanged confused looks. The Colonel hastily took his leave. He tended not to linger around fanciful things like this, retreating instead to his study.

"Mom…it's a mirror." Squall said slowly.

"Yes, BUT it is a special type of mirror." She said, smiling. "Come and look."

As she ushered him over, he remained expressionless. His mom tended to get really excited about fanciful things like this…so…whatever. He could humor her.

Her eyes were bright, "This is a future-telling mirror, sweetie."

His raised eyebrows must have betrayed him, because she chuckled.

"You look inside it, and your reflection is whatever the future holds for you." She said, looking into it with a warm expression.

From where he was staying, Squall could only see her reflection.

"So…what do you see?" He asked…y'know, just to humor her.

"I—" She paused, looking in the mirror. A streak of…something…flashed through her eyes, and she abruptly looked away, back to him. She forced a smile. "I see my little man growing up to be a big, strong man." She patted his head.

"Mom." He leaned away from the touch. "That's my future, not yours."

"You are my future, baby." She kissed the top of his head, "And don't you forget it."

With that, she stepped away from the mirror, most likely to go jabber at Dad about this mirror thing. It didn't look too special to Squall. But Mom had said to stand in front of it.

Making sure no one else was watching, he side stepped until he was standing directly in front of the mirror. He felt stupid, but he was also curious as he looked into the mirror's glass.

At first, all he could see was pink.

Grimacing, he looked away and then cautiously back at it. Pink? What, his future was to have a pink room? That was dumb.

…

Pink?

He glanced behind himself, at the quiet pastel colors of the living room…the room was definitely not pink…but the mirror's reflection was…It actually worked? Eager now, he squinted at the horrid pink reflection again, desperate to see something other than that stupid girl color.

Then he saw a man sitting on the floor…That had to be him, just with a different hair cut. He was wearing black as a grown up…which was kinda weird…but the guy in the pink room was wearing the Leonhart family crest as a necklace…and Squall didn't have any brothers.

So why was the man in black sitting in a pink room?

Upon further inspection, Squall noted that there was a little girl in the room, maybe the age that he was now in the present, playing with dolls on the floor. So…when he was grown up, he played dolls with little girls? That seemed a little creepy. Maybe she was his daughter; that made more sense.

He frowned. Okay, so it was a dad's job to play with kids, even dumb stuff like dolls, he knew that. But was he a cool dad, like his dad, Colonel Leonhart? After all, his future self looked a little…bad ass…if that was the same word that that teenager who mowed the lawn used. Cid…Squall thought his name was.

There was apparently movement beyond the mirror, before future-him looked up, and Squall gasped. What had happened to his face? He had a big scar running between his eyes! That wasn't okay! As the man in the mirror stood, the reflection seemed to follow him down the hall of this strange house—no more pink, thank goodness—to a kitchen, where a dark haired woman was cooking at the stove.

Well, Squall figured it was cooking, though he was sure the stove wasn't supposed to smoke up like that. He grimaced. Was that supposed to be his wife? He was married? And had a pink room? And played dolls?

Gross.

But at least he looked pretty cool…aside from the scar. That was kind of hideous.

"Mom, can a person change his future?" He asked later that evening.

She paused in her reading and looked melancholic for a moment. "Why?"

He didn't really want to admit that he'd believed the story about the mirror, not to mention looked into and now really believed it…So he just squirmed.

"Just…'cause." He shrugged. "I mean, if you went to a crystal ball lady and she said your future was just going to be this big, boring…pink room…Could you change it?"

"There's no such thing as a boring future." She stated.

"But…" He inhaled. "Dad talks about growing up during the Sorcerer's War, and the stories are always so heroic and brave and…it's awesome." He bounced a little in his seat, and he swore he saw his mother cringe. "Why can't my future be like that?"

His mother glanced toward the mirror and compulsively swallowed, drawing a measured breath. "Well…of course you can change your future, honey." She smiled, though it didn't reach her moistened eyes. "But your father never tells you the sad stories of his time in the war."

Well, no, he didn't, Squall thought. He didn't have to. He could just see it in the way his father looked at old pictures or talked to his old war buddies sometimes. That sadness just lingered there, just behind his eyes, but it practically screamed for all Squall could detect it.

Had his future self had eyes like that? Would he have eyes like that?

Why did Mom look so pained about this whole conversation?

"Mom, what did you really see in the mirror?" He pressed.

She swallowed again and sat up in her seat on the sofa, setting her book aside. "Squall, sometimes things happen, okay? Good things, bad things, some things you can't explain and CANNOT prevent, you understand?"

He wasn't sure that he did, but he humored her, like he always did. "Yeah."

"Everyone has bad things and good things. I think this 'pink room' is a good thing."

Squall was utterly confused at this point, and he regretted asking since it seemed to make Mom sad, so he kept a stiff upper lip. "Fine, but I'm avoiding girls with dark hair for a while."

**..:-X-:..**

**A/N:** I had too much fun with this. And not fluffy, 'haha' fun, but the twisted, 'teehee' kind of fun. And yes, the Sorcerer's War is another part in my future story, titled _Hands that Weave Webs_, which may not come out for a LONG time because free time is an elusive beast that thwarts me sometimes.


	23. Mind Games

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, its characters or storyline. This collection is mine. Sorry it took so long to update. Grad school has started and I'm already drowning in homework. If this chapter is little frazzled, it's only a reflection of my state of mind currently. Enjoy anyway!**

**..:-X-:..**

**023 – Mind Games**

(For JaneArmada; Prompt: 'Leon zapped into a time warp to pieces of Tifa's history.')

"And he just collapsed?" Merlin asked, waving his hand in front of Leon's face.

Cid folded his arms. "Yeah, right outta the fuckin' blue. Eyes rolled back and everythin'. Only thing I saw coulda happened was one a'those Nobodies hit him with a spell, but he seemed to brush it off with no trouble."

Merlin hummed thoughtfully, noting that Leon's eyes were still half open, though he was clearly not conscious, as he was lying lax on the couch in Merlin's house. Other than a knot coming in on the back of his head, though, he appeared uninjured.

"I already tried callin' Tifa, but I guess they're still fightin' over…whatever the Hell got those two all riled up." Cid shrugged.

Merlin straightened, "Well, I have a potion that will negate the effects of most spells. We'll try that first and if that doesn't snap him out of it…"

Cid frowned and tapped out a fresh cigarette from his pack. "Any idea what it is?"

The wizard sighed, "It could be a number of things, but—" He snapped his finger in front of Leon's half-lidded eyes again. Getting no response, he straightened, "It almost looks like a trap curse."

At Cid's raised eyebrow, Merlin explained. "There are many variations of a trap curse: trapping you inside an invisible box, inside your own mind, the lot…"

"So he's trapped inside his own head?" Cid looked skeptical.

"No, there is clearly no one home right now." Merlin gestured to Leon's body. "Which leads me to believe the Nobody used a trap curse on time. Imagine time is a game of roulette, and Leon is the ball. The spell is continually spinning and dropping his consciousness into different dates, for unknown periods of time, before spitting him out into another date."

"So he's reliving his old memories?" Cid winced, "We've all had some pretty dark ones, Merlin. The faster we get him out of there—"

"Not HIS memories." Merlin corrected, "Not necessarily anyway. Generally the time trap curse will focus on significant events in the life of the last person on the victim's mind."

There was little doubt between them of who that would be.

Cid cursed and took a drag from his cigarette. "Great, so he's trapped in Tifa's memories, watching her chase and flail after Cloud Strife for half her life. That's worse than Heartless." He marched toward the door. "I'm gonna go get Tifa here myself. You whip up that fancy-pants potion before the poor man slits his wrists in his sleep."

**..:-X-:..**

Leon's head was killing him, and everything smelled like hospitals.

Hospitals? Dammit. He opened his eyes and recognized the typical pastel colors of a hospital room, complete with forgettable paintings of flowers and shorelines. The room was empty save for a little girl curled up on the solo bed, and a worried man sitting beside her, looking apprehensive, angry, and exhausted.

Leon blinked. How had he gotten here? Where was HERE? He didn't know these two people. He didn't remember coming to the hospital. Leon looked down at himself and didn't see any injuries or any indication of why HE would be in a hospital; in fact, he looked semi-transparent. Almost like he was a ghost or something. The last thing he remembered was fighting Nobodies at the Restoration Site with Cid. Something had hit him in the head…but it hadn't hurt enough to cause hallucinations…had it?

The two people in the room paid him no attention, and he was starting to look for an escape route, when the man beside the girl's bed spoke.

"Tifa, what were you thinking?" He had a gentle, paternal tone that was clearly trying to contain frustration…and maybe tears.

Leon stopped short, nearly tripping over himself as he double took. Tifa?

The little girl on the bed couldn't have been older than 10. Her arms were bandaged as she folded them over her chest. She was bruised and there was a thick patch of gaze over her jaw. She had her back turned toward the speaking man—presumably her father—and was glaring fiercely at the edge of the bed.

"I was going to see Mom, since you wouldn't take me to her." She huffed.

The man grimaced, running a hand over his face. His expression looked sorrowful, but his voice stayed strong. "Tifa, we talked about this. Mom isn't here anymore…"

"Because she went through the mountains!" Tifa curled further into herself, and Leon cringed. He remembered Tifa telling him about this, about her mother's death.

"Sweetie, no. She's…We can't go see her. She's gone." Her father said gently.

"No!" Tifa shook her head, tears bubbling past her glare and dripping to the pillow. "You're lying! I hate you! Leave me alone!"

Leon grimaced and moved across the room, away from the scene. He had no idea how he had gotten here, or why he was seeing this…illusion or whatever it was, but he didn't want to see it anymore. Tifa had nearly been killed when she tried to cross the mountains to see her mother, thinking she was still alive. If she hadn't dragged Cloud along with her, she WOULD have died.

The little girl's quiet sobbing was painful to his ears as he tried to open the room door to leave this terrible memory.

**..:-X-:..**

When the door opened, Leon hastily stepped through, but nearly toppled out into thin air. The door seemed to lead into Hell itself, and he gagged on the sudden smell of sulfur and heated metal. He staggered out onto crumbling dirt and looked back. The door and the hospital room had vanished, leaving him in some sort of…factory?

Still choking slightly, Leon straightened and looked around. Giant hulks of machinery and catwalks had been built into the walls of some kind of underground cavern. Steam was hissing out of cracks in the ground, but the steam looked almost…blue or green.

"I hate you!" That was Tifa's voice. Young and in pain, but definitely her.

Leon whirled, trying to locate her, and spotted her on the ground. A dark haired man was kneeling over her. Tifa looked beaten badly, bleeding and dirty, and no older than 15. Leon couldn't tell if the man was trying to help her or hurt her, but Tifa's words left no uncertain terms.

"I hate you! I hate Shinra! I hate SOLDIER! I hate you all!" She screamed, shoving the man away.

The man flinched, obviously hurt at her words, and he looked toward the tall catwalk leading to a steel chamber. "I'm sorry for all of this, Tifa."

She curled into herself, trembling in pain and distress.

Then he left. He LEFT her. Leon actually gawked in disbelief as the dark haired soldier left the girl lying there and carried his sword up into the steel chamber. Leon immediately hurried to her side, but found he was unable to touch her or even speak so she could hear him. He really was a ghost…or he was REALLY hallucinating badly. What was going on?!

"No!" Another voice interjected.

Leon was nearly barreled over—and would have been, had he been tangible—as a young soldier skidded in out of nowhere and tore off his helmet to get a better look at Tifa's injuries. Leon moved away. Cloud? The teenaged boy looked horrified at Tifa's condition, but at this point she was unresponsive and appeared to have fallen unconscious again.

"Tifa? Tifa!" Cloud shook her, looked around for the culprit, and then gently moved her limp body away from the metal stairs.

The chamber doors ahead flew open then, and the same dark haired soldier staggered out, bleeding heavily from a wound to his abdomen, and collapsed on the stairs. Cloud ran to his side, exchanging some words. Leon couldn't tears his eyes away from Tifa. She had never told him about this. Neither she nor Cloud had ever spoken of what he was seeing before him now.

Cloud took the fallen man's sword and ran up the stairs. "Sephiroth!"

Everything was fading again, and Leon tried to move toward Tifa…Wait…

**..:-X-:..**

The church was full of flowers.

Leon regained his balance for what felt like the eighth time, lifting a hand to his head as a migraine started to hit. The sizzle of electricity hummed through the air, however, and he looked up just in time to see a now-adult Tifa slam into the wall. Her spread feet caught the impact and for a split second, she seemed to be clinging to the wall as flower petals were flung up from the wind of the movement.

She looked up, narrowed her eyes, and suddenly shot forward at her opponent, a man with short, styled silver hair, who had some kind of weapon hitched to his forearm. She bodily grabbed the man and dragged him along the floor, slamming his head down as she did so. With a feral snarl, she leapt away, skidding to the ground and looking up.

As the man started to fall, she jumped up toward him, snatching him around the shoulder and slinging him away from her person like a ragdoll. Her opponent slammed into the already battered pews near the back of the church, and he didn't rise. Tifa landed on her feet several meters away and stood, vaguely winded from the battle.

Leon made a fist and shook it once. Hell yeah, that was his Tifa.

**..:-X-:..**

There was another flash of light and this time Leon found himself in the Dark Depths, where Sora, Donald, Goofy, and Tifa were standing in the aftermath of the latest battle of Cloud versus Sephiroth.

"What will you do now?" Sora was asking.

Tifa looked pensive. "Guess I'll keep looking." Her expression was masking the pain. Leon knew that expression well.

"Got any leads?" Sora asked.

"Don't worry." Tifa smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes. "Light is easy to find." She handed the young Keybearer a chain. "I gotta go. Here. This is for helping me out."

Before Sora or the other two could question her, Tifa made a quick exit across the Dark Depths, stepping back into the rocky trail that led toward Radiant Garden's town perimeter. Leon followed her. He had seen her just before she had gone to find Cloud fighting Sephiroth during the battle of the 1000 Heartless, but he hadn't seen her afterward for nearly a month.

As soon as Tifa was around the corner and out of sight from the Keybearer and his friends, she leaned against the wall, closing her eyes and drawing a slow breath. She had actually found Cloud this time, the person she had been trying to find for years. Then he had just up and vanished on her again. She had played strong for everybody else, but Leon could see the pain in her eyes now. Swallowing hard, she eventually straightened and continued on her lonely way.

**..:-X-:..**

The light was moving this time, zipping side to side in a way that made Leon groan and try to swat it away. His mind felt sluggish and he realized he was on his back.

"Looks like he's coming around." Merlin's cheery voice was close.

Coming around? Leon blinked as the offending light was removed. It turned out to be a small flash light that Merlin had been moving in front of his eyes. Vision adjusting, now Leon could see the ceiling of the wizard's house. What was he doing there? How had—

"Hey." Tifa leaned into his line of sight, eyes wide with concern.

Leon just blinked at her stupidly for a beat. She was looking AT him, not through him. She could see him. This…wasn't a memory, hallucination, whatever-thingy. His head throbbed and he grimaced, lifting a hand to feel Tifa's hand holding an ice pack against the lump behind his ear.

"What…?" He mumbled, the word coming out garbled and hoarse.

Tifa pursed her lips and held up her other hand. "How many fingers do you see?"

He paused, looking up at her worried expression. The last time he had seen her, outside whatever psychotic break he'd apparently just undergone, her face had been sharp and her eyes narrowed. They had argued, but he couldn't for the life of him remember what the argument had been about. It didn't seem to matter now anyway.

Instead of counting her fingers, he reached up and grasped her wrist, levering himself up and abruptly kissing her. She started in surprise at first, but then he felt her return the kiss.

Cid's voice interrupted. "You sure that was the right potion, Merlin?"

Leon maneuvered up into a sitting position, holding the ice bag against his head as Tifa scooted away. "What potion?"

The sorcerer folded his arms. "Of course I'm sure. Showing affection is probably just an after effect of whatever he experienced during the curse."

"Curse?" Leon blinked, looking to Tifa and then back to Merlin and Cid. "That was—"

"—better left undiscussed." Cid lifted a hand. "Cured or not, you still got one helluva concussion." He looked to Tifa. "Keep an eye on him for a while, yeah?"

Tifa bobbed her head, "Trust me, I'm not going anywhere." As Cid and Merlin stepped out, she looked back to Leon. "I'm sorry about earlier, but don't scare me like that, you big idiot!" She folded her arms, pretending to be pissed, but then relaxed. "What was that kiss for?"

Leon paused, started to shrug, and then stopped. "I just…remembered how amazing you are." Against his will, some blood colored his cheeks. "And…I'm not sorry for it."

Tifa's eyes softened, but she abruptly smacked him on the shoulder. "You mean you forgot?!"

**...:-X-:..**

**A/N:** This thing could have ended up beastly long, for all the fun I had with it. But I've been allotting all of these requests only a certain number of pages to fulfill them. That's why it might seem a little choppy…Then again, curses and spells are never really that fluid when it comes to mind-stuff, I figure, so…hopefully it worked. And while a lot of these flashbacks were from FFVII, I plan on incorporating those parts of her and Cloud's past into the KH universe...eventually.

Either way, hope it was entertaining.


	24. Protective Sibling Syndrome

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, its characters or storyline. This collection is mine, as is Mikayla. I went on a writing binge this weekend, mostly for filling the prompts for this collection, so here's another update sooner than expected! Papa!Leon makes a return in this chapter! I regret none of this. Some tidbits from future chapters of **_**T Minus One Year**_** are in this too. Not necessarily spoilers, just tidbits. Enjoy.**

**..:-X-:..**

**024 – Protective Sibling Syndrome**

(For The Sacred and Profane; Prompt: 'Tifa meeting Ellone and her going all big sister on Tifa until she discovers just how right she is for Squall.')

Tifa sat at the kitchen table, trying not to give away how incredibly uncomfortable she was as she sipped at her tea. The woman across the table from her stirred her own tea quietly, but her eyes stayed directly on Tifa. The house was empty save for the two women. Leon was due home soon, having gone to pick up their daughter from the babysitter, but it wasn't soon enough.

This was the longest Tifa had spent alone with his 'sister' Ellone, since the woman had returned to Radiant Garden just a few weeks earlier. Tifa had the strong impression that the older woman didn't like her. She couldn't put her finger on why. Ellone didn't know anything about Tifa or her life with Leon.

Ellone was thin and looked frail. She was no physical match for Tifa, even if she tried to attack her…for some unfathomable reason. Well, who was this Ellone? She had just come swaggering back into Leon's life…She had no right to be making demands or being disapproving of Tifa! She had married Ellone's brother and borne his child. She deserved some slack! Ack, why was she feeling so intimidated by this woman?!

"You have a lovely home." Ellone broke the awkward silence.

She sounded polite and friendly enough, but why was she staring at Tifa like she was trying to interrogate her?!

"Thank you." Tifa replied, cursing the little waver in her voice.

"I was a little surprised to learn that Squall had changed his name." Ellone remarked. "Was that your idea?"

Tifa's eye twitched, "No. He was Leon long before I met him."

"So you haven't known him very long."

"We've known each other for almost five years now."

"Hm."

Where was Leon?!

"Well, you seem to make him happy." Ellone said quietly.

There was a tone there that Tifa didn't appreciate.

"That's part of the job description...of, you know, being his WIFE." Tifa muttered.

"Has he always had that limp?" Ellone changed the topic.

"No. He had knee surgery several months ago. He's still in physical therapy. It still hurts sometimes." Tifa answered curtly.

"Right, he told me. The MX9 Campaign. You two weren't on the best of terms during that mission." Ellone said over the rim of her tea cup.

Tifa bristled. "We were going through some difficulties, sure, like all couples. It wasn't sunshine and rainbows all the time. It still isn't."

"I find it odd how you expected him to accept wholeheartedly your…history with Cloud Strife…" Ellone said. "But you flew off the handle the instant that Rinoa Heartily returns to his life."

"I didn't fly—" Tifa stopped herself, getting her voice under control. "I didn't take it as gracefully as I could have, but under the circumstances…"

"You didn't trust him?"

"I trust him." Tifa snapped, feeling her neck growing hot. "It just took a long time for either of us to be in a place that was conducive to a relationship, and we were still on pretty thin ice when Rinoa came back. There was never a question of—"

The back door opened, signaling Leon's return. THANK GOD.

"We're back." Leon announced a few seconds later, coming in through the kitchen, holding their four month old with one arm.

Ellone got to her feet. "Welcome back." She beamed.

Tifa deflated at the kitchen table, feeling cross-examined and unsure how to shake that feeling. She stood and emptied her tea cup in the sink. Their daughter Mikayla squealed as Ellone swept her up. Leon's sister seemed to have taken any affection that she could have given to Tifa and channeled it all toward the baby girl.

Then again, Mikayla had the power to make even CLOUD giggle, so there was no telling how powerful the baby's magic was over a woman like Ellone.

As Ellone cooed all over the baby and carried her into the living room, Leon set the mail on the counter, looking to Tifa. "You look beat."

"Your sister hates me." Tifa bemoaned, leaning against the sink counter.

"What?" Leon snorted, opening the fridge and tugging out a bottle of water. "No she doesn't. Ellone doesn't know how to hate people."

"Well, she learned how." Tifa exhaled. "I swear, all afternoon, she's just been asking me these questions. They sound innocent, they should be innocent," She pointed at him. "But she's gathering evidence, I just know it."

Leon looked amused, unscrewing the bottle of water. "Evidence of what?"

"That I'm not right for you." Tifa folded her arms, "That I'm a bad wife and a terrible mother. She adores Rinoa; I know she does. I'm the harlot that stole you away from her."

Leon choked on his water at that, coughing through a laugh. Tifa smacked him on the arm. He took another tentative drink from the water, looking at her teasingly.

"My sister does not think you're a harlot."

"You didn't see…She had this look in her eyes." Tifa framed her eyes like hand-binoculars. "Like she was trying to read my soul…or melt me down to a puddle. You don't see it because she thinks you walk on water and Mikayla—"

"Abababa habukala!" The baby babbled from the other room.

The both of them leaned out of the kitchen to see Mikayla waving her set of plastic keys at Ellone, who smiled and started playing peek-a-boo with her.

"—is, let's face it, the most adorable child on the planet." Tifa admitted.

Leon shrugged. "Truth in that statement at least."

Tifa gave him a flat look. "You're mocking me."

"Of course I'm mocking you." He nudged her with his elbow. "Besides, even if she doesn't like you, what does it matter? We're married. We have an awesome daughter. What can she do about any of that? I'm not going to stop loving you just because Ellone doesn't like your hair."

Tifa touched her head. "What did she say about my hair?!"

"Nothing!" Leon raised his hands, "It was an example."

"I don't hear her bashing on your scar. Have you explained that to her? Or the name change? She thinks I convinced you to do that, you know." Tifa rambled. "As if I would ever…You know I think changing your name was utterly silly."

Leon frowned lightly, sighed, and stepped into the living room. "Ellone, do you hate Tifa?"

Tifa balked, smacking his shoulder again.

Ellone looked up, holding Mikayla at arms' length. "Of course not. What in Kingdom Hearts would give you that idea? I think she's lovely." She smiled.

Leon turned away from Ellone and looked to Tifa. "There, see?"

Tifa looked past him, where Ellone was staring flatly at her again. She sighed and looked at him. "Fine, you win."

Leon gave her a playful look, "What did I win? Do I get a prize?"

"You get the honor of having me NOT kick your butt in front of your sister and infant daughter." Tifa pointed out. "You have no idea what this afternoon has been like."

"Right," Leon looked at her, deadpan, "I have no idea what it's like for someone who cares about YOU to hate ME. I'm imagining someone blond, much taller and stronger than my petite, skinny sister…"

"Cloud never hated you."

Leon's eyes widened, "Oh really? Where WERE you for the first year that we were dating?"

"Okay, he didn't like you, but he didn't HATE you."

"He set me on FIRE once."

"That was an accident." Tifa said. "But you admit that you think Ellone doesn't like me."

Leon groaned, walking away from her and into the living room. "Bath time."

Ellone glanced over. "Oh, can't I do it?"

"Nope." Leon plucked Mikayla off the couch, "It's Dad Prerogative. I do bath time, and Mommy does bed time, alternating every other day."

Ellone blinked and glanced over at Tifa. "That's…organized."

Tifa pointed, "His idea, not mine."

Mikayla giggled and Leon kissed her neck. "Who knows, maybe tonight we'll get a first word?" He looked at the infant. "Da-da, right? Dada? Eh?"

The little girl just clapped her hands together. Leon shrugged and proceeded to carry her upstairs…leaving Tifa and Ellone alone together again.

He did that on purpose, Tifa twitched.

She busied herself with picking up some of the toys that Mikayla had strewn about the living room, and Ellone checked her watch.

"Do you want help with cooking supper?" Ellone offered.

Tifa hid a grimace, already seeing where this was going. The woman had been staying with them in their house since she had returned to Radiant Garden. She had never seen Tifa cook, barring the odd afternoon snack or salad. Recently married, Leon had just been forced to deal with Tifa's poor cooking. While she had been pregnant with Mikayla, however, Leon had all but taken over the kitchen. After Mikayla had been born and even to the present day, the kitchen was considered Leon's territory, and he almost shooed her owt whenever she tried to bully one night of cooking on her own.

Sure, it was romantic, and Leon was a cooking god, but Tifa had a feeling that Ellone saw Tifa's lack of culinary skills as a shortcoming. After all, a good wife would be able to cook for her husband and child, right?

"Oh, uh, Leon actually bought some stuff yesterday, said he was going to cook a surprise tonight." She said.

"Oh." Ellone said. "So do you ever cook?"

"No, I don't." Tifa snapped. "Is that a problem?"

Ellone straightened, "I'm just concerned that Leon seems to be pulling a lot of the weight around here."

"I don't cook not because I can't or I refuse to." Tifa put her hands on her hips. "Leon just beats me to it. He's better at it than I am. Happy? Don't you dare imply that I'm a bad wife."

"I never meant to presume—"

"We're partners. It's give and take. Sometimes I do some of manly stuff and sometimes he does some of the things that women usually do. Like I open the jars with the stuck lids and he cooks."

"And you seem to have the temper…" Ellone remarked.

"Maybe I just don't take kindly to people coming into my house and insinuating that I'm not good enough for my own husband. He picked me. Not Rinoa. We made a beautiful baby. Deal with it." She folded her arms, slightly out of breath.

Ellone paused, looking at her evenly. She slowly smiled. "Is this Tifa?"

Tifa blinked, "What? Don't patronize—"

"No, no." Ellone lifted a hand, "Squall—Leon—keeps telling me these stories about you two: the missions, the battles, and everything, and how you're so headstrong and willful. You've been so…quiet and evasive since I've arrived…I decided to push you to see if you were actually this vibrant woman that my brother told me about…or if that was just some kind of façade."

Tifa gawked. "You…This was a test?"

Ellone chuckled, "Yes! What, you thought I would immediately dislike you for no reason? Sure, I was a little wary of you at first…but my brother was always so withdrawn and shy when we were growing up. I see him so happy now…and I think I have you to thank for a lot of that." She canted her head, "I can tell that you really love him. You're both happy together."

Tifa was still reeling from the conversation whiplash. "Uh…yeah, we-we are."

"I'm sorry for putting you through all that." Ellone apologized. "Though I still think that Leon embellished a little on some of those stories…"

"He probably did." Tifa said, slowly letting her guard down again.

"He didn't really tear up your old couch with his bare hands, did he?"

Tifa lifted her shoulders, "Actually, that's true."

Ellone raised her eyebrows, "And did you really break his arm while you were giving birth to Mikayla?"

"Now that—" Tifa pointed, "—It wasn't his arm…Just a few fingers."

Ellone looked shocked.

"Don't look at me like that. Have you ever had a baby?"

Ellone sighed, "No."

"It hurts." Tifa drove the point home. "He's lucky I didn't break something else of his…"

Ellone snorted, covering her mouth at the escaped laugh. "And your car?"

"Jeep, actually. Why? What did he tell you?" Tifa asked apprehensively.

"Only that you bought a broken down jeep and he had to fix it all on his own."

"What? Of all the—" Tifa marched toward the stairs, yelling up to the bathroom. "Leon! Why did you tell your sister that I dumped the Jeep on you?! That was a group effort!"

Leon poked his head out of the bathroom, wearing a pirate hat and a mustache made of soap bubbles. "I know not this 'Leon'. There is only Captain Bubbles! Arr!" He shook a fist and rejoined Mikayla in the bathroom.

Tifa sighed and looked to Ellone. She shrugged. "You heard Captain Bubbles…"

**..:-X-:..**

**A/N:** All of the stories and backstory to this one are explained in my older Lefa stories, primarily _As the Sun Sets on Mushroom Clouds_. Though the parts with Mikayla are from future chapters of _T Minus One Year_.

I might be enjoying the Mikayla cameos too much, but Leon in Dad Mode is too much fun to pass up. Enjoy the cavities from the fluff anyway.


	25. Bless You

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, its characters or storyline. This collection is mine. This prompt mentioned a past request that involved Leon having an allergy to goldenrod. Most of my stories involve Leon and Cloud really disliking each other. They've mellowed out in my more recent stories, but their friend-rival bickering and smart mouthing is still very present, and it makes a comeback in this ditty. Enjoy.**

**..:-X-:..**

**025 – Bless You**

(For sonicdisney; Prompt: 'Leon was allergic to Goldenrod; maybe he and Cloud are on patrol, they come across a patch of it, and Cloud finds Leon's suffering funny.')

Cloud stayed as still as possible, leaning so far forward that he was practically on his stomach, peering through the tall grass out onto the open area. The Mushroom Heartless had been a nuisance around Radiant Garden over the past few weeks. It had taken up a habit of just showing up, bouncing around, throwing a hissy fit when somebody tried to help it, and then vanishing.

So far it hadn't attacked anyone or done any public damage, but the Restoration Committee wasn't willing to wait for those things to happen before dealing with it. So, for the past four hours, he and Leon had been assigned to hunt the thing down and settle this. Give it what it wanted or defeat it. Cloud personally favored the 'defeat it' option, as he had never come across a harmless Heartless.

He could see the little monster now, folding and unfolding its arms almost spasmodically, hopping this way and that before stomping and going back to fidgeting its arms. It had a mushy looking body, no weapons, and from what he could tell, an almost infantile intellect. Why in Kingdom Hearts the Restoration Committee had decided to send both he and Leon out to deal with this thing…That was like sending two birds to kill one worm…Just overkill.

Although, they would have dealt with this thing nearly two hours ago if it wasn't for—

A violent sneeze rattled the grass beside Cloud. The Mushroom Heartless looked up abruptly, wide eyed, and hopped away, vanishing into darkness. Cloud groaned and sat up.

"Seriously?" He glared over at Leon.

The other man straightened, "Shut up."

"I finally had a clear sight of the thing, and you sneezed…again." Cloud huffed, standing and stretching his back, sore from being hunched over for so long.

Leon did the same. "It's not my fault the damn Heartless decided to make a nest in Allergy City." He gestured to the grass around them.

Cloud shook his head. They were getting nowhere. By the time either of them ever got close to the Heartless undetected, without fail, Leon would sneeze and alert the thing. And it was a quick escapee.

"You better not get me sick," Cloud grunted, "Or I'll beat your ass."

"It's allergies, not a cold, you idiot." Leon snapped back, rubbing his temples against a headache.

Cloud pointed at him. "I have allergies. You have the Plague."

"Your voice is making my headache worse." Leon grimaced.

"Good." Cloud muttered, stepping out of the grass.

Leon moved around the perimeter. "It can't have gone far." He sniffed. "It left a magic trail this way."

Cloud looked over and registered the faint wisps of smoke that the teleportation had left behind as the Heartless fled. Mushroom Heartless could only teleport a terminal distance of about 20 meters. If they were lucky, it would run out of juice soon and they could trap it. That was, if one of Leon's sneezes didn't blast a hole in the wall and let it escape AGAIN.

The grass was getting thicker, though, and by the time they reached the next clearing, Leon's eyes were even more bloodshot and puffy, and his throat sounded nasty when he breathed.

"Are you allergic to nature or something?" Cloud hissed as they scouted for signs of the Heartless.

"Eat me." Leon grumbled.

Cloud snickered. It had become a pastime for him to get on Leon's nerves, and vice versa. It was even more entertaining when the other man was suffering like this. Although that didn't overshadow the frustration at making it take so long to find one frackin' Heartless.

"There." Leon ducked down suddenly, out of view. Then, almost immediately after, "Mother son of a…"

Cloud knelt down too, spotting the Mushroom Heartless fretting around close to the town perimeter treeline. He glanced to Leon to see why he had cursed, and quickly got his answer. They were kneeling in one of the thickest fields of goldenrod that Cloud had ever seen. The big yellow lumps of weeds were congregated around them, and Leon was practically face down in them.

"Stop breathing." Cloud warned in a hiss, creeping forward to close the distance between himself and the Heartless.

"You stop breathing." Leon snarled, inching backward in the opposite direction, to get out of the field of allergic death.

Cloud ignored him, setting his sword down in the soft grass and moving even closer. Even if the Mushroom Heartless turned out to be aggressive, he could handle it with his bare hands, maybe a spell or two. He didn't really need his Buster Sword. He still felt unarmed and vulnerable as he left it behind, though.

The Heartless had its back turned toward him still, and with no sounds coming from Leon, Cloud figured this would be his best chance. Careful to stay out of the Heartless's line of sight, he crawled out of the shielding grass and stepped closer. Just a little bit closer…

"Achoo."

Cloud was going to KILL that man.

The Heartless spun around and came face to face with Cloud, who was practically looming over it at that point, arms spread, ready to bear hug it to keep it from escaping. The monster yelped and started to spin into a teleportation. Cloud lunged forward, getting his arms around it before it did so.

It teleported anyway, deciding to take Cloud with it.

Nausea swam through him and it felt like he'd been dunked in a bucket of ice water. The sensation was fast and almost painful, but it ended just as quickly as it began, and he found himself sprawling across the hard rocky surface of the barren plains just beyond the town perimeter. The treeline was just five meters or so behind him. The Heartless was still in his grasp. It was running out of the ether needed to teleport. But, as it panicked in his arms, it mustered the energy to do so again.

"Aw crap—" Cloud grunted.

Another wave of nausea and ice water, and another slam, this time into the gnarled roots of the treeline itself. He rolled hard and came up on his knees, writhing with the thing as it thrashed in his arms. Leon was standing there, looking bewildered and red-eyed.

"Do something!" Cloud barked, wrestling with it.

"Do what?" Leon spread his hands. "Kill it?"

"Maybe!" Cloud was flung onto his back. The little beast had more kick left in it than he thought. "No, just…ugh…do something!"

The little Heartless eventually broke free and began to bounce away. Leon gave chase after it, and Cloud got up on his feet, grabbing his knees to get his breath back. Then he chased after them too. He rounded a corner just in time to see Leon cast a Fire Spell directly at the creature. The Heartless bounced slightly in the air the spell, then seemed to do a little dance and disappear.

Cloud slowed to a stop a few paces away. "What was that?"

Leon glanced back, started to answer, and then sneezed again, nearly stepping backward to counteract the force of it. Cloud snorted.

"It was shivering." Leon recovered enough to say. "I figured—" He sneezed again.

Cloud got his breath back, hands on his hips as he did so. "Spit it out."

"It probably—" Another sneeze. "—just wanted—" Another sneeze. "—to warm—" Yet another sneeze. "—up."

Leon was nearly doubled over from the effort of the multiple sneeze attack, and as he straightened, he groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose, squinting his eyes.

Cloud just looked at him flatly. "Dude…"

"Go away." Leon mumbled, not opening his eyes.

Cloud shook his head and returned to the meadow, where he had left the Buster Sword. Picking it up, he glanced around at the field of goldenrod. He sniffed once, but felt no desire to sneeze. Allergies usually made him their bitch for a few weeks in the spring, whereas he had never seen Leon succumb to allergies like this. While he empathized to a degree, he also saw this as sweet revenge for the dark looks and snide comments that Leon usually sent his way.

Sometimes, he liked karma.

"So was that it?" Cloud asked as he rejoined with Leon at the town perimeter.

Leon was looking worse by the minute, but he replied. "Until it comes back with another problem."

"What, is it going to be too hot this time?" Cloud snickered.

Leon sneezed again, violently, and he momentarily stopped walking to recover himself.

"Stop doing that." Cloud snapped, but he was smirking. "We're not even close to the goldenrod anymore."

"It's probably on our clothes." Leon swatted at his jacket.

He sneezed again, but he seemed to try to stifle it this time, as it came out with a squeak. Cloud laughed at that very unmanly noise. Leon started to reprimand him for laughing, but another sneeze attack overtook him…all squeaky and ending with a high pitched noise.

Cloud counted eight successive sneezes, torn between amused and concerned. Leon had to stop walking, barely able to inhale enough air to exhale with the sneeze, and he nearly wiped out on the low wall of the Bailey. Cloud grabbed his elbow to keep him from keeling over and toppling off the edge.

"Watch it, stupid." He chuckled at him.

Leon shook him off, "Stop laughing at me, jerkass. This hurts."

Cloud couldn't stop laughing at him. "You're like freakin' Sneezy the Dwarf."

"I hate—" Sneeze. "—you."

"Yeah, yeah, c'mon, Your Phlegm-iness." Cloud tugged him in the direction of Merlin's house, since the continuous sneezing had rendered Leon almost unable to see where he was going.

Merlin's house was empty save for Private McCallister, who was running diagnostics on the computer. She glanced over as the two men stepped in, and she snapped up out of her chair at attention.

"At ease." Cloud muttered to her.

"You don't tell my soldier 'at ease'." Leon was winded. "At ease, McCallister."

McCallister remained where she was, "What happened, sir?"

Leon answered with a sneeze, and Cloud snorted.

"The Great Leon has been felled by a field of flowers." He remarked.

McCallister blinked.

Leon rubbed at his puffy eyes, "You're such a bitch."

McCallister balked, but Leon pointed at Cloud.

"Not you. Him"

The soldier looked uneasily to Cloud, who shrugged and moved toward the bathroom. Aerith usually kept a stock of first aid and medical supplies under the sink. As much fun as it was watching his rival have a mini-seizure with every round of unmanly sneezing, it was going to get annoying fast. Plus Tifa would kill him if Leon actually sneezed out a portion of his own brain and he made no effort to stop him.

There was a bottle of Benadryll in the cabinet and he unscrewed it. He popped a straw in it and returned to the front room, where McCallister was looking continually alarmed at Leon. Leon, for his part, had flopped onto the couch, exhausted from the effort of sneezing and breathing.

"You're so pathetic." Cloud snickered, handing him the medicine.

Leon snatched it from him. "Well, your hair looks stupid." He grunted, downing a good portion of the Benadryll.

"Ouch." Cloud remarked sarcastically. "Got me there, scarface."

"Dick."

"Bastard."

"Bitch."

"Fatass."

"Dumbshit."

"Sneezy."

"Bimbo."

"Seriously?" McCallister interjected. "You're acting like ten year olds."

Leon stopped downing Benadryll long enough to point at Cloud. "He started it."

The soldier looked tempted to roll her eyes, and only barely restrained herself.

Cloud grinned, crossing back over to the door. "Should I call Tifa?"

"…" Leon looked torn between embarrassed and in pain. "…I don't care."

Which meant yes.

Cloud snickered and nodded McCallister to the door. She gathered her things and left her superior officer to whatever dignity he could salvage out of this. Cloud pulled out his cellphone, dialing Tifa's number.

"Hey, did you find it?" Tifa picked up on the third ring.

"Yeah, but we've got a casualty." He stated lightly.

Tifa read his tone and groaned, "What happened?"

"Your boyfriend apparently has an allergy problem." Cloud didn't miss the middle finger that Leon threw his way. "He wouldn't stop sneezing. We're back at Merlin's, and he's getting drugged up, but I've got to finish the parol—"

"I'm at the Marketplace. I can be there in five minutes." Tifa replied.

"Great." Cloud said, "Just let me know if he dies. I'll have to file the paperwork."

"Ugh, Cloud." Tifa scoffed and hung up.

Cloud pocketed the phone and took up his sword again. "You owe me for taking your patrol this afternoon."

Leon kept his eyes closed, looking miserable where he lay on the couch. "Whatever."

Cloud left, but heard a final sneeze and a curse as he closed the door after himself.

**..:-X-:..**

**A/N:** A friend of mine had an allergic reaction a while back and literally could not stop sneezing for nearly two hours. A lot of Leon's pain and grumbling was inspired by my friend's reactions. However, I was a little nicer about it than Cloud. XD


	26. Family Ties

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, its characters or storyline. This collection is mine, as are Duke, McCallister, and Jake. To be honest, I'm a little wary with this chapter. I've never played FFIX, and I have no idea what Garnet's character is like. I gave it my best attempt, and yes, Rinoa is a little out there, but for this chapter, I think that's okay.**

**For obvious reasons, this one doesn't take place directly in my Alliance-verse, though there are a few common elements in it (Duke, the apartment, etc). Enjoy!**

**..:-X-:..**

**026 – Family Ties**

(For The Sacred and Profane; Prompt: 'Rinoa and Garnet, from FF9, are Tifa's sisters, and both are coming over to spend a few weeks with her. Can Squall survive them? What do they think of Tifa's soon to be husband?')

"—and then…and then…" Tifa tried to tell her story between fits of laughter, "—I'm already fighting the troll…and Leon finally shows up…on a horse no less, and this crazy guy in purple tights is with him, brandishing a sword and everything!"

Her two younger sisters, Rinoa and Garnet, were giggling with her as she told one of the countless stories that she had accrued while partnering missions with Leon.

"So when do we get to meet this dashing man, who rescues damsels on mighty steeds?" Rinoa chimed.

Tifa glanced toward the clock on the wall of the apartment. "He should be here in half an hour or so. He got the early hour shift for the morning, so he probably will go straight to bed."

"I'm still not sure how I feel about you two living together before you're married." Garnet said contemplatively.

"I think it's important." Rinoa argued. "Being in a relationship with someone and living with someone can be hard to bring together."

Tifa bobbed her head, "That was my reasoning."

"Rinoa, you've never even lived with a man besides Dad." Garnet pressed.

"Well—" Rinoa looked flustered. "Just imagine. When you're on a date with a guy, he's trying to impress you…and vice versa. But when you're living together, you see bedhead and laundry and all those other unattractive parts of them."

"And I don't want to scare you two." Tifa leaned forward, "But…Holy Kingdom Hearts…living with a man…it's horrendous. You wouldn't believe…"

Rinoa and Garnet both blinked, exchanged looks, and then glanced around the pristine, organized, and clutter-free apartment.

Tifa straightened, "No, no, no, not Leon. Sheesh, living with Leon has been heaven…barring, y'know, the odd man smell…but I crashed with this guy Tulio for a while…"

"You've lived with other men?" Garnet's eyes widened.

"I was on the run from Heartless and searching for Cloud for nearly ten years, sis. It was a few nights, just because I had no munny to afford a hotel. He was really nice, not a perv or anything, but his place was a complete and utter mess."

The front door opened suddenly and Leon walked in, looking dead on his feet and exhausted. All three woman glanced his way as he closed the door, and he paused slightly when he saw two more women than he had been expecting.

"Hi." He greeted, confused.

Tifa stood, "Leon, these are my sisters, Rinoa and Garnet. Remember, I told you they'd be visiting for a few weeks?"

"Right, sorry. Hello, nice to meet you two." He said, shaking each of their hands in turn.

Rinoa blushed hotly, but Garnet returned the greeting formally.

"A pleasure to finally meet you." Garnet said.

"You're home early." Tifa prompted. "Short meeting?"

"Yeah, Nestor made everybody angry faster than usual, so they ended early to stop any preemptive attack on him." Leon rubbed his eyes. "Sorry, again, ladies, but I've got another meeting in the morning…"

"Of course, not a problem at all." Garnet bobbed her head.

Leon looked to Tifa, to make sure it wouldn't be rude to excuse himself. She gave him a thumb up, and he made his escape into the bedroom. Rinoa leaned far out of her seat to watch him go. As soon as the door closed, she abruptly spun to face Tifa again.

"Please tell me that you are tapping that."

"Rinoa!" Garnet balked.

Tifa snorted into her lemonade.

Rinoa shrugged at Garnet and looked to Tifa in all seriousness, "I haven't seen a butt like that since my last boyfriend. You could bounce a nickel off that thing!"

**..:-X-:..**

Leon had a better introduction to the sisters a few days later, when they came by the office to take Tifa out for a surprise lunch. Well, he made a better second impression on Garnet, as she invited him to come along, but he had to politely decline, allowing the sisters to spend more quality time together. Rinoa, on the other hand…

"Nice desk." She had come into his office without bothering to knock, and proceeded to lean over his desk in a rather…provocative way.

"Er, thanks." He leaned away. "Um, I think Tifa and Garnet were headed for the elevator."

"I know. I just wanted a…private word." She said lowly.

Leon twitched, recognizing all too well that look in the woman's eyes. "I'm in love with your sister, Rinoa. This…isn't appropriate."

"Ooh, you make it sound so…forbidden." She went on.

Private McCallister walked in and staggered at the sight before her. Leon met the soldier's eyes and shook his head.

"This isn't—"

McCallister groaned, walked in, grabbed Rinoa by the ear, and bodily removed her from the office. Rinoa squawked and struggled the whole way, but McCallister didn't release her until she was practically at the elevator. Returning briefly to Leon's office, the soldier just shook her head and closed his door after herself as she left.

**..:-X-:..**

"You did what?!" Tifa railed at Rinoa that evening.

"I was just testing him." Rinoa rolled her eyes, "What's the big deal?"

"You hit on my boyfriend!"

"He didn't act on it; you should be proud of him." Rinoa shrugged. "I'm a tasty slice of cake and he didn't want a bite."

Tifa looked disgusted. "How could you—"

"What's wrong with your ear?" Garnet remarked, amused by the whole turn of events.

Rinoa self consciously rubbed at her ear. "Nothing."

**..:-X-:..**

"I apologize for my sister's behavior." Garnet remarked later that week, while she and Leon were the only ones at the apartment. "She has good intentions."

"I understand. It was just a little…awkward." Leon replied.

"Well, please consider our situation." She said, fidgeting with her hair. "Tifa was…um…invested…in finding Cloud Strife for years. We were almost certain that when they found each other…"

Leon looked at her and her cheeks flushed with embarrassment.

"I'm sorry. It was just…a surprise to hear that she was with someone else."

He sighed, "I know."

Garnet glanced toward the door and leaned closer to him, "You know what?"

Leon lifted an eyebrow.

"I like you better than him anyway." She snickered.

Leon blinked, smirked, and went back to working on paperwork.

**..:-X-:..**

The door busting open at two am is no way to be woken up, unless there is a fire.

As it was, Tifa and Leon were both jerked back to awareness as Rinoa stomped in.

"Seriously? There is no reason to—eh?" She deflated.

Leon lifted his head but left his arms wrapped around Tifa, where she had been sleeping with her back against his chest. "What—"

"—the Hell?!" Tifa snapped, groggy with sleep but still furious.

"That…wasn't you?" Rinoa grimaced.

"What wasn't us?" Tifa barked.

Leon tapped her arm and gestured to the ceiling, where, as Tifa quieted, they could hear the distinct, repetitive sound of two people…for lack of a better word…gettin' it on. Tifa made a disgusted noise and glared at Rinoa.

"It's two am. We were sleeping, like normal people!" She yelled the last part at the ceiling. "Great, now we're going to have to try to sleep through the Humps-a-lots upstairs. Thanks, Rinoa!" She slumped back to the mattress in a bad humor.

Rinoa grimaced, "Sorry, sorry—"

"What's all the racket—oh!" Garnet stumbled in and then immediately averted her eyes. "Were you two—"

"No!" Tifa snapped, and Leon dropped his head back to the pillow. "We were sleeping!"

"Let's go." Garnet tugged Rinoa out of the room.

Rinoa backed out, repeating, "Sorry, sorry, I'm going, we're going—"

Leon snickered against Tifa's back, and she swatted his hand around her waist before they tried to go back to sleep.

**..:-X-:..**

"No." Leon didn't even look up from the newspaper.

All three of the women sitting with him at the outdoor café looked his way.

"No?" Tifa quirked an eyebrow.

Leon looked at her, then to Rinoa, who had been looking after the passerby with googly eyes. Garnet chuckled into her tea, but Tifa reached over and grasped Rinoa's wrist.

"No." Tifa reinforced.

Rinoa frowned at her, "Why not?"

"That's Jake Alms." Leon answered. "He's the town…oddball."

"He thinks he's a ladies' man, but he's really just annoying." Tifa commented.

"I will make that judgment for myself, thank you very much." Rinoa stood, taking her purse with her, "I think he's cute. I shall pursue."

She started after him. Garnet looked concerned.

"He's harmless." Leon assured her. "Just…odd."

**..:-X-:..**

"You know our father is dead, right?" Garnet chimed on the evening before she and Rinoa were going to take the train back home.

Leon looked evenly up from his newspaper, answering cautiously. "Yes."

"So you are aware," She sat up from her seat on the sofa. "that if you were to ever desire our sister's hand in marriage, you would have to ask one of us."

Leon squinted one eye at her, but saw that she was completely serious. "I am…aware."

Garnet nodded sagely. "So, seeing as this is our last night here…is there anything you would like to ask?" She prompted delicately, but with all the subtlety of Cid in a smoke-free bar.

Leon straightened in his seat, "There is."

Garnet sat with her hands clasped in her lap. "Then okay."

He blinked, "Okay…?"

"You clearly make Tifa happy, and she makes you happy. So, you have my permission to ask for her hand…if she'll have you," She winked. "which she will."

Then, as abruptly as that conversation began, Garnet retired to her room for the evening. Non-plussed, Leon looked to Duke, the golden retriever, where she was curled under the coffee table.

He spread his hands at the dog, "Well, okay then."

**..:-X-:..**

"Have a safe trip back!" Tifa hugged her sisters as their train prepared to take on passengers.

"It was so nice to see you!" Rinoa squeezed her sister tightly.

"I think you've caught a winner." Garnet remarked with a smile. "Keep an eye on him, or some man eater like Rinoa will gobble him up."

Rinoa blushed, "I would never—"

"Not saying goodbye to Jake?" Tifa teased.

Rinoa scoffed, "If I never see that dorkfish for the rest of my life…it'll be too soon!"

Garnet and Tifa exchanged knowing looks at that. Rinoa elbowed Tifa.

"But Leon's definitely a keeper."

Leon, who had been loading their luggage for them, returned. "Well, you're all set to go."

"Thank you." Garnet shook his hand again, "And it was really nice to meet you, finally. Maybe next time we meet, we could throw a party? Some kind of ceremony." She said quietly with a wink.

Leon awkwardly gave a little nod at that and was then hailed by a Rinoa Hug.

"Boy, they grow them big out here." Rinoa said, barely able to get her arms around Leon's shoulders.

"Rinoa…" Tifa warned.

"I know, I know." Rinoa chuckled, but Leon felt a pinch on his backside all the same as Rinoa stepped away and boarded the train with her sister.

Tifa hooked her arm around his back as the train departed, waving after Rinoa and Garnet as they pulled away.

"Thanks for putting up with all that estrogen for two weeks." She said. "I appreciate it."

"Tell that to the three gallons of ice cream in our freezer." He replied.

**..:-X-:..**

**A/N:** The story that Tifa is telling at the beginning was taken from my Leon and Tifa oneshot _Just Might Break Through_, featuring Andalasia from Enchanted.


	27. Wilhelm Scream

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, its characters or storyline. This collection is mine. This was a very difficult prompt to write, let me just say. Incorporating Goofy's mannerisms into Tifa's character is borderline impossible. I gave it my best shot and had some fun with it. Enjoy.**

**..:-X-:..**

**027 – Wilhelm Scream**

(For The Sacred and Profane; Prompt: 'Tifa finds herself becoming good friends with Goofy and Squall soon finds that she's adopting a few of his traits, to his horror and amusement.')

Leon stepped out of the Gummi Ship after it docked in the Royal Hangar of Disney Castle, and his eyes were immediately assaulted by the bright colors of the courtyard. Tifa had been locked in some tempestuous meetings with the intergalactic council in Disney Castle's Royal Courts for the past three days. She had sounded strung out and exhausted when she called him early that morning, having forgotten to bring a stack of reports that the council was demanding that they go over thoroughly.

What they could possibly need from space travel traffic violations between Agrabah and Atlantica, Leon couldn't fathom, but he'd brought the two boxes of paperwork anyway. The meeting chamber of the Royal Courts was empty when he finally found it—he was going to demand to see some of the blueprints of this place. A check of his watch told him that they had probably recessed for lunch.

When he finally found Tifa, she was sprawled out on the grounds in the courtyard, napping of all things. Perplexed, he paused at the edge of the walkway. He wasn't enthused about the idea of stepping off the path and onto the landscaping. It was really elaborate landscaping, and it had clearly taken someone a lot of effort and time to arrange it the way it was. Stepping on it—and for that matter, napping on it—seemed highly disrespectful.

"Tifa." He greeted flatly, remaining where he was on the walking path.

Tifa didn't move, arms and legs spread eagle on the flowers, like she had just fallen asleep in the middle of making an angel in the grass.

"Tifa." He said more loudly, setting the boxes on the concrete beside him.

She twitched, opening one eye and peering over at him. He wordlessly pointed with his boot at the boxes of paperwork beside him. With a dramatic groan, she dragged herself up into a sitting position.

"Stupid paperwork." She got to her feet, dusting herself off.

"Hello to you too." He folded his arms.

Tifa still looked strung out and exhausted, but she also had that over-caffeinated glint in her eyes that heralded a hazardous crash later.

"You look terrible." He said flatly.

She looked at him, deadpan, "And you look like a bouquet of roses this early in the morning?" She smarted.

He offered a lopsided smirk at that, and as she rifled through the papers in the boxes, he glanced around the court yard. "Were you seriously sleeping out here?"

"It's peaceful."

"The colors are going to make my eyes bleed."

"Well, the meeting hall is completely white, and we've been stuck in there for three days. A little too much color is a blessing." Tifa explained. "Help me move these to the chamber?"

He shrugged and took up half of the boxes, while Tifa picked up the other half. He wouldn't be quick to admit it, but three days without Tifa was about as much as he could handle. Sure, they were often on separate missions for a week or so at a time, but at least there was warning for that. He could brace himself for her untouched side of the bed and the absence of the smell of her shampoo in the morning. But this was supposed to be a one-afternoon session, and it had turned into three days with no warning. As he walked beside her down the hall now, he realized that it had been stressing him out.

The meeting chamber was still empty when they arrived, and it was blindingly white.

"Holy damn." He grimaced, squinting as he set the boxes on the table.

"Right?" She chortled.

Chortled? He had never heard her make that noise before. Was that a laugh or a hiccup?

"When are you guys resuming the meeting?" He asked.

Tifa checked her watch as they stepped back out of the room. "In about half an hour." She stifled a yawn.

The yawn was so powerful that she closed her eyes entirely as it warped her mouth. She tried to cover her mouth, but it was an amusing expression on her face. That was, until she tripped on an uneven section of the walkway. She started to take a header but regained her balance.

"Ahyuk." She grunted, staggering slightly.

Leon blinked. "What?"

"What?" She said, making sure no one else had seen her trip.

…because the enchanted broomsticks carrying water buckets might judge her…

"What was that noise?"

"What noise?"

"That…hiccupping sound…Are you drunk?" That would explain some things…

"No!" Tifa snorted. "I guess I'm just sleep deprived."

"Between not having enough sleep and having too much interaction with the Royal Court, I don't blame you." He remarked.

"What's wrong with the Royal Court?" She pressed.

"Nothing. They're great. They're just…colorful."

Tifa glanced up and down his black and white outfit. "Say it ain't so."

They rounded the corner and found Donald and Goofy talking in the hallway. Well, Goofy was talking. Donald was…making noise. The two looked over at Leon and Tifa's entrance.

"Hiya, there, Leon." Goofy lifted his hat a few inches from the top of his head and dropped it back down.

"What are you doing here?" Donald asked, looking suspicious.

Leon nodded to Goofy and looked flatly to Donald. "Tifa forgot the traffic reports, so I brought them for her."

"Golly, that was awful nice of ya." Goofy said. "Tifa here has been a lot of help during the meetings. She sure speaks highly of you."

"Really." Leon slid a sideways look at Tifa, who suddenly appeared very interested in the concrete wall of the corridor. "So you've been talking about me."

She folded her arms. "Well…y'know…you did fly halfway across the Alliance to bring me those reports. Thanks."

Donald checked his watch, "I'm going back to the meeting room. Don't be late." He warned both Goofy and Tifa before waddling off in a huff.

"I get the feeling he doesn't like me." Leon remarked.

"Ahyuk." Goofy chortled.

Leon looked at him evenly, and then slowly looked to Tifa.

Tifa, for her part, was unfazed. "Hopefully we'll get that mess sorted soon."

"I'm sure now that we have all the reports, that the Royal Court will smooth everything out real fast." Goofy said optimistically.

"You're right." Tifa bobbed her head, "I'm just tired; that's why I'm being a Debbie Downer."

Debbie Downer? Leon lifted an eyebrow.

Goofy, however, laughed at what Leon presumed to be an inside joke born out of being stuck in a meeting room for three days.

Then things got weird.

"We'll put that in the 'campfire pile'." Goofy remarked…another inside joke.

Tifa laughed so hard she snorted. She raised a hand. "Nice."

Goofy gave her a high five, but immediately after the high five with one hand, they high fived with their other hand, then they both turned and did a little hip knock together. They both chuckled at that, leaving Leon standing there, staring at them, one eye narrowed.

Tifa looked at him. "It's been a long three days. Donald, Goofy, and the King are the only ones on the Royal Court that I know personally. Donald has a bit of a temper; I got on his nerves on day one, and the King is always busy talking to the others. Goofy here has been keeping me sane." She said affectionately.

"Gawrsh." Goofy blushed, wringing his gloves sheepishly.

"Okay." Leon replied slowly, still bewildered at Tifa's bizarre behavior.

One of the members of the Royal Court poked his head out of the meeting room. "We'll be resuming the meeting shortly."

"Welp, we don't wanna be late." Goofy remarked.

Tifa bobbed her head, " 'Kay. I'll be along in a minute."

Goofy saluted her comically and headed back into the meeting chamber.

She looked back to Leon, who was looking at her strangely. "What?"

"What was that?" He pointed his thumb back toward the chamber.

Tifa lifted her shoulders, "I told you, Goofy has kept me sane."

"Did you just hear yourself?" Leon smirked.

She smacked his arm lightly. "For your information, Goofy is by far the most pleasurable company to keep on Disney Castle."

"No, no, I believe you. I just didn't see you two as being very close."

"Well, that shows what you know." Tifa folded her arms.

Leon snickered at her expense. He agreed with her: of the group from Disney Castle, Goofy was the friendliest and easiest to talk to. The king and queen were great, but they seemed to have conversations in their own little world sometimes. He doubted that Tifa had ever had a full conversation with any of the Royal Court. To see that she had suddenly bonded with Goofy and become good friends with him over the past three days…was strange to say the least.

"So, are you any closer to getting this mess wrapped up?" Leon asked, changing the subject.

Tifa ran a hand through her hair in exasperation, "Not likely." She cast him a sideways glance. "Why?" A smirk stretched her lips. "You miss me or something?"

"No." Leon glanced toward the colorful courtyard. "I'm just tired of babysitting your department while you've been off-world."

"You miss me." She poked his arm.

Leon huffed and looked at her. She offered a cheeky grin.

"Well, here I am." She spread her hands, "No sad faces here, ya got that?"

He shook his head, "Now you're starting to sound like Goofy."

She canted her head, "I take that as a compliment. He's actually quite a gentleman."

Leon rolled his eyes. "Whatever, get back to your meeting."

Tifa shoved her hands into her pockets. "Now, don't be like that."

"I'm not being like anything." He grunted.

"I'm not insinuating that you're NOT a gentleman, you know."

"Whatever."

"…though that doesn't make you one."

Tifa seemed to have perked up since he found her snoozing in the courtyard. She still had circles under her eyes like a caffeine zombie, but the glint in her eyes was still there. If Goofy was the person who had kept her spirits up during these grueling three day meetings, then Leon felt only gratitude toward him for that.

"Seriously," He noted. "when will this get wrapped up?"

"Patience is a virtue." Tifa smirked, but then shrugged. "Hopefully this afternoon. If not, then day four." She said with mock enthusiasm.

Leon grimaced. She was going to be an overworked mess by the time this was over. She caught the expression on his face and grinned.

"You totally missed me." She teased.

He frowned and gestured toward the room. "Just go back to your meeting."

She looked slightly disappointed that he didn't confess that he'd missed her. He paused. He wasn't saying it because he didn't want her to feel guilty or be distracted during these meetings. Besides, she should know that he missed her.

"Okay, well, I'll…see you later then." She remarked. "Thanks for bringing those reports." She started to aim her feet toward the board room.

Dammit all…

"Tifa." He stopped her.

"I missed you, y'know." Tifa looked back at him grumpily. "And it's not like—"

He cut her off with a kiss. It was abrupt and off center, since he'd half-spun her around in his hurry, so he ended up catching most of her upper lip instead of the romantic kiss that he'd been aiming for. But he didn't hear her complaining.

As it ended, Tifa blinked, "…Gawrsh."

Leon just snorted at that.

From the doors to the meeting room, Goofy, Donald, Mickey, Minnie, and Chip and Dale called. "Ooooooooooooh!"

Leon and Tifa both glanced over, Leon with a frown and Tifa with a laugh. She waved them away and Goofy herded the group back into the room. Alone again, Tifa looked back to Leon pensively, like she was waiting…

He rolled his eyes, "Okay…fine…Maybe I missed you."

"Maybe?" She lifted an eyebrow with a smirk.

"Well…you weren't there…and I noticed." He shrugged. At her flat look, he lifted his shoulders, "I don't know what you want me to say. I missed you. There. It's hard to sleep when you're not on the other side of the bed. You asking me to fly out here was the highlight of my week. But now you're talking like Goofy—"

This time she cut him off with a kiss.

"Shut up, ya big palooka."

**..:-X-:..**

**A/N:** It got a little fluffy there at the end...ah well.

The Wilhelm Scream is a common sound effect used in movies and television when a character is plummeting from a large height or a similar situation. Another name for it is the 'Goofy Holler' as it frequently accompanied him in cartoons when he fell or endured explosions or other big stunts.


	28. Sympathy and Empathy

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, its characters or storyline. This collection is mine, as is McCallister. This was another difficult prompt, because it was so different. I still had fun with it, though I couldn't go as far as what was probably desired in the prompt because it was so awkward to write. Enjoy!**

**..:-X-:..**

**028 – Sympathy and Empathy**

(For The Sacred and Profane; Prompt: 'A pregnant Tifa explodes at Squall after dinner one night and makes him wear a pregnancy belly at work the next day.')

Leon sighed, leaning against the door to the bedroom, where Tifa had locked herself in. "Come on."

"No!"

He tilted his head against the door. "I wasn't laughing at you. I was laughing with you."

"I WASN'T laughing!" She snarled through the door.

He closed his eyes, trying to think a way through this. At nearly 9 months pregnant, it had become increasingly difficult for Tifa to get out of chairs and couches. The added weight around her belly had caused her ankles to swell and her back to constantly ache…for which she had developed the habit of blaming him habitually for. Leon never had it in him to fight her on it. She was carrying his child; how could he make fun of her?

But tonight, she had pulled the strangest maneuver that he had yet seen in order to get out of the chair at the dinner table, and maybe…maybe…he had chuckled at her. A little. And now he felt like a terrible husband, as he tried to coax his wife out of her fury in the bedroom.

"Okay, okay…I'm sorry." He apologized to the door, but couldn't wipe the grin off his face.

"I can hear you smirking!"

"I'm sorry for that too." He said. "But you have laughed at yourself before for worse."

"Yeah, but that stopped being funny when I lost the ability to see my feet!"

He hung his head, "Fine…Let me make it up to you. I'll rub your feet."

"You were gonna do that anyway." She huffed. "I don't think you understand how uncomfortable it is to be 9 months pregnant. Everything aches. All the time."

"I'll…run your entire department for a week so you can stay home and rest."

A pause. "You're getting warmer."

He frowned, "Maybe—"

She opened the door suddenly, and he staggered from leaning against it. Regaining his balance, he looked in at her. Tifa still looked angry, but she also looked mischievous.

"I've got a better idea."

**..:-X-:..**

Private Tabaeus McCallister looked up from her desk, which had been temporarily moved from her cubicle to the open area right outside Commander Leonhart's office. His door was closed. She had been posted there all morning, attracting a few strange looks from her colleagues, but no one dared ask why she had relocated for the day.

Major Clint Harris from Lieutenant Lockhart's Combat Department walked across the floor, carrying two thick stacks of reports in his arms. Tabaeus looked up as the other soldier neared, setting down her pen.

"Major—"

"More reports for Lieutenant Lockhart to sign." Harris remarked. "I was told to bring them to Commander Leonhart's office."

"I'll take them here." She reached for the reports. "Commander Leonhart can sign them by proxy for the Lieutenant while she's out."

Harris glanced toward the door and back to McCallister. "I'm supposed to take them directly to him."

"He's busy." She said. "Meetings, conference calls, you know. I'll take them."

Harris looked skeptical, but handed over the reports and left. Tabaeus had barely set the reports down on her desk when Cloud Strife entered the department, making a beeline for Leon's office. She stood to stop him.

"Sir—"

"Not now. I need to talk to Leon." He looked miffed.

"He's busy."

"Busy, my ass. This is important."

"Is it about Lieutenant Lockhart or the baby?" She prompted.

"No, but—"

"Then Commander Leonhart has deemed it not important. Can I help you?" She offered.

"Not imp—" He fumed. "His squad usurped the general department's training grounds for the entire week. He can't just do that."

"Sir, I'm sorry, I'll re-schedule them immediately." She said, shifting slightly to stand between Cloud and the door to Leon's office.

Cloud stopped, suspicion crossing his features. "What's going on?"

She stilled. "Nothing."

He stepped to the left, and she stepped to the right to block him.

"What—" He started.

"—Nothing."

"Why are you—" He stepped to the right.

She stepped left to block him again. "I'll take care of it. Sir."

Cloud narrowed his eyes, but shook his head, "Whatever. Just…fix it, okay?"

"Yes, sir." She stood at attention.

He rolled his eyes and left. As soon as he stepped out of the department, McCallister deflated and picked up the reports from Harris.

Seeing no one near the commander's office door, the coast clear, she opened the door just wide enough to slip inside with the papers, closing it quickly after herself.

Commander Leonhart looked up abruptly, saw that it was just her, and returned his attention to the work on his desk. His chair had been lowered dramatically behind the desk. This effectively made only his head and shoulders visible above the desk's surface. It would have been comical if he hadn't threatened McCallister with a six month assignment to Atlantica for laughing or saying a word at all about the situation.

The private wordlessly walked over and set the reports on the edge of his desk.

"Strife stopped by—" She started.

He looked up in horror.

She lifted her hands, "I took care of it. He left."

He exhaled in relief and sat back in his chair with a grimace.

"Sir?"

"Just…leave the reports." He waved her off.

McCallister frowned, but obeyed, leaving the office and closing the door after herself again.

**..:-X-:..**

The short hand of the clock had just come to rest, pointing at the eight, when McCallister dragged herself out of the files piled on her desk. She had been processing the paperwork from Lieutenant Lockhart's office for the past four hours straight. She had lost feeling in her legs an hour ago from remaining seated for so long.

The rest of the Weapons Specialist Department was empty. Everyone else had gone home hours ago. Commander Leonhart was still holed up in his office, and Private McCallister had opted to stay until the last soldier left, in order to prevent someone from barging in on her superior officer.

But this was ridiculous.

Closing down her computer, she stood and cleared her desk, loudly shoving and pushing it back to her cubicle. After cleaning up the area, she walked over to his office door, lightly knocking. She entered before he answered.

"Sir, it's late and we're the last people here." She greeted.

He was on the phone and lifted a hand to silence her. She remained in the doorway.

"Yes, you win." He was saying. "I know…I know it's not quite the same, but…I get it now…Yes, yes…YES. Tifa—Can I take it off now?" He cast McCallister a pitiful look. "Thank you…Fine. Right, strawberry…not strawberry…mint chocolate it is…Right…bye."

He hung up and slumped forward at his desk, still only head and shoulders visible.

McCallister cleared her throat.

He sat up again, "Right. Go home, McCallister."

She bobbed her head, "Yes, sir."

She had barely turned around, however, when he stopped her.

"Wait." He grunted. "Help me take this thing off."

Tabaeus turned back around as he finally stood from his ridiculously-low chair. It took an immense amount of willpower for her not to stare or laugh at the horrendous contraption that his wife had forced him to wear all day. Only the fear of an assignment in Atlantica stopped her.

"There's a latch on the back." He gestured, but grimaced at the tightness in his shoulders. "Everything is stiff. I can barely lift my arms." He groaned.

Private McCallister sighed and crossed the office. He turned his back to her and she helped him maneuver out of his jacket. Finding the latch, she unclasped it and then unhooked the second clasp farther down his back.

"There." She said.

He hastily wriggled out of the thing, dropping it with a heavy thunk to the floor. He then proceeded to stretch and bend to get the kinks out of his back. McCallister stared at the contraption, now allowing herself to snicker.

"Don't laugh." He grunted, glaring at her. "Come here and pop my back."

She rolled her eyes, "You are utterly—"

They pressed their backs together and linked arms. Then McCallister bent over, pulling him over with her. His back cracked loudly and he made a relieved noise as they straightened.

"Now go home." She instructed, straightening her uniform.

He grimaced again, rubbing his lower back. "Yeah, yeah. Go."

"Good night, sir." She retreated out of the office.

As soon as she was in the elevator, she burst out laughing.

**..:-X-:..**

Tifa was in bed watching television when Leon came home. He was slow coming up the stairs, and he looked absolutely pitiful when he stepped through the bedroom door.

She grinned. "Hard day, dear?"

He looked at her sourly and lifted the grocery bag, tugging out the carton of mint chocolate ice cream. He handed it to her. "Here, enjoy your winnings."

She took the offering and turned off the television. "So…how did it go?"

His response was to flop face down on the mattress beside her.

Tifa triumphantly popped the lid off the top of the ice cream.

Leon's voice, muffled by the pillow against his face, muttered. "That was the most humiliating day of my life."

"Now you know how I feel." She tutted.

He rolled onto his side gingerly and glared at her. "Everything hurts."

"Oh, surely you aren't implying that a big, strong man such as yourself couldn't handle one day with my condition?" She snickered, munching on the ice cream.

He frowned and looked at her swollen belly. "I will kill the next person who chuckles at your suffering."

She beamed. "There, now was that so hard?" She took another bite of ice cream, which was pretty much the only thing that helped with the heart burn of late pregnancy.

"I couldn't even get out of that…monstrosity by myself. I had to have McCallister help me." He grunted.

Tifa snorted at that, reaching over and ruffling his hair. "Poor baby."

He rolled away from her so that his back was facing her. "Leave me alone."

Tifa decided to take pity on him. "Hey, at least you got to take it off at the end of the day. I have to wait another month." She rubbed the side of her belly thoughtfully.

He grunted, was still for a moment, and then rolled back over to look at her. "I'm sorry you're miserable."

Tifa paused. "It's not your fault…Well…" She blinked. "I mean, it takes TWO…so…" She shrugged, "Anyway, I forgive you for making fun of me. Maybe I overreacted a little. Pregnancy hormones…they're awful."

He snorted at that, but didn't sit up. Instead, he reached over and touched her stomach gently. As fun as it had been to watch him leave for work with that thing strapped on him, Tifa was gladder that he had learned his lesson. And maybe retained some of his dignity throughout it…though probably not regarding McCallister.

"Hey, I've got an idea." She started.

"I'm not wearing it again. You can't make me." He said flatly.

"No, no." She chuckled. "I know how much you hate budget meetings. Tomorrow when you're in the meeting with Cloud and the rest of the committee, I'll call you and pretend my water broke. You can make a break for it and take the afternoon off."

He looked up at her. "That's evil. It would give Cloud a heart attack." He grinned. "I'm in."

At that, he sat up and pulled another carton of ice cream out of the grocery bag.

"Ugh, Leon, I said no strawberry. The taste makes me nauseas." She groaned.

"I couldn't remember if you said no strawberry but yes to mint chocolate or the other way around, so I bought both." He said, producing another spoon. "So this one's mine."

He leaned against the headboard beside her and nodded toward the television. "What were you watching?"

"One of those birth videos." She said, seeing his appetite die as she did so. "But Star Trek is on Channel 5."

"Then can we please watch that instead?" He paled.

She handed him the remote. "Make it so, Number One."

**..:-X-:..**

**A/N:** If I had to order them, I'd say this chapter takes place before the other pregnant!Tifa prompt in Chapter 7: Live Long and Prosper. There are two more prompts left to fill, and then this collection will be all wrapped up!


	29. Merry Matchmaking

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, its characters or storyline. This collection is mine, as are McCallister and Jake. Some more silliness in this chapter. I gotta say, Merlin and the Fairy Godmother isn't really a ship I sail, but I had some fun writing it. Enjoy!**

**..:-X-:..**

**029 – Merry Matchmaking**

(For The Sacred and Profane; Prompt: 'Tifa and Squall find out about Merlin's crush on the Fairy Godmother. Together, they try and set up the pair.')

"Did you see that?" Tifa asked, drawing her eyes back to Leon.

Keeping his hand around her back, he smirked. "Don't even think about it."

Tifa held his hand, letting him spin her through the dance. Radiant Garden's annual ball had had the largest turnout in its five year history tonight. Well, Tifa presumed that it was the largest. This was actually her first year ever going to it. She had never really had a reason to come before this year. Her reason currently being to see Leon in his rarest form: tuxedo-ed up and dancing with her.

She looked over his shoulder at the crowd. "You know you saw that look he gave her."

"Don't poke it." He said smoothly as they slow danced.

Aerith and Jake waltzed up beside them.

"Did you see—" Aerith started.

"Right?" Tifa agreed.

"It was so obvious." Jake input.

Leon rolled his eyes and pulled himself and Tifa away from the two.

"We have to do something." Tifa said.

"What? No. Why?" He implored.

"Because I'm feeling romantic tonight." She chirped.

"There are better outlets when feeling romantic than pairing up old people." Leon muttered.

Tifa snorted, "You have to admit, they would look cute together."

She glanced back over to where Merlin was talking to the Fairy Godmother. The two had been enjoying each other's company frequently as of late, and Tifa knew she wasn't the only person to notice. The idea of setting the two magicians up was enticing. Tifa was starting to understand why Aerith loved playing matchmaker. But she would need an accomplice.

"I never took you for someone who liked playing cupid." Leon remarked.

She shrugged, "I didn't either, but it's a full moon. Strange things happen." She canted her head at him. "If I talk to her, and you say something to him—"

"No, no, no," Leon stopped dancing with her, standing still. "You are not dragging me into the crazy with you."

She cast him a mischievous look. "If you do, then tonight, we can…" She leaned in and whispered something in his ear.

Leon straightened, "We'll rendezvous in fifteen minutes with a status report."

And then he was off. Tifa snickered as he bolted toward Merlin. Then, she adjusted her blue dress and went to talk the Fairy Godmother.

**..:-X-:..**

Merlin looked at Leon, flustered. "I have no idea what you mean."

"I'm just saying," Leon awkwardly said, sitting with the old wizard at the bar. "You seem like you're…close."

"Two old magicians, swopping stories of the glory days, while a city of young people make their own memories," Merlin chuckled, nursing his tea. "I would hope so."

"So…You were one of the people who kept saying that Tifa and I would be good together, because we were so close." Leon prompted.

"Everyone was saying that, son." Merlin quipped.

Leon shifted. He still wasn't entirely sure why he had agreed to do this. It felt ridiculous. Then again…Tifa always kept her promises. He loosened his collar and gestured to the bartender, who glanced over from her other customers.

"McCallister?" Leon blinked.

The soldier had refused to wear a dress for the ball, and she had instead accepted the position as a barkeep for the night, donning a plain green collared shirt and black pants.

"Sir." She greeted with her same flat tone.

"Drink. Strong." He said.

She nodded and started to pour a mystery drink of her choosing for him.

Merlin sighed, "Even if you're right. Who's to say that she would return my feelings? She's the closest friend I have. To change that dynamic could ruin everything."

"Tifa is talking to her now." Leon said, as McCallister set the drink in front of him. "And you know Tifa can be quite persuasive."

Merlin shifted nervously. "If you say so."

Suddenly, Yuffie and Jake waltzed by, Yuffie's yellow skirt swishing.

"You should go for it!" Yuffie beamed as Jake spun her.

"We're rooting for ya!" Jake agreed as they tango-ed away.

Leon looked from them to Merlin, lifting his glass. "It's worth a shot." He took a drink from the glass, nearly choking. "McCallister, I said strong, not deadly."

One corner of the soldier's mouth quirked. "My apologies, sir."

But she didn't look sorry.

**..:-X-:..**

The Fairy Godmother chuckled. "Oh, dear, you must be mistaken. We're just good friends."

"How many happy endings have you helped to happen?" Tifa prompted, sitting with her at a table away from the dance floor. "It's time you got one of your own."

"That's the trick of being a fairy godmother," The fairy remarked. "My magic can only facilitate the happiness of others."

"Then don't use magic." Tifa grinned. "I can tell that Merlin likes you."

The older woman giggled. "Now, I don't know about that—"

"He does!" Rinoa Heartilly waltzed by in a red dress with Jake. "We can all see it."

Tifa and the Fairy Godmother blinked.

Jake dipped Rinoa low. "Leon is convincing Merlin to ask you out as we speak."

Then the duo continued on their way, dancing.

Tifa looked back to the Fairy Godmother. "See?"

"Ooh, you kids are playing matchmaker." She chortled.

"It's a ball," Tifa shrugged. "Isn't that part of the point?"

The Fairy Godmother fidgeted with straightening her dress. "Well, yes, so I've heard."

"So…?" Tifa pressed.

The magician looked at the younger woman. "I guess it's worth a shot." She blushed.

**..:-X-:..**

"So…I don't think this is fair." Leon remarked, finishing off the third of…whatever drink it was that McCallister had created for him.

"What isn't fair, sir?" The soldier asked, keeping an eye on him at the bar.

"Ev'r'body was invited to this thing." Leon gestured to the ballroom. "Including you. I was forced t'wear this." He tugged at his collar, having disposed of his jacket two drinks back. "Y'shoulda been forced t'wear a dress."

The soldier looked imploringly to Cid, who had been downing beer like it was water.

The other man just snorted. "You gave him the strong drinks, sister."

Just then, Tifa trotted by, dancing with Jake.

"Are you drunk?" She asked as they spun past.

"S'what if I am?" Leon hiccupped. "S'her fault." He pointed to McCallister. "All three a'her."

Tifa looked disapprovingly to McCallister, who lifted her shoulders. Cid just guffawed and clapped a hand on Leon's shoulder.

"Another round, soldier." He ordered McCallister.

"Why are you weird?" Leon suddenly asked McCallister. "We've worked together for over five years now and I still can't figure it out."

Tifa and Jake danced away at that, spinning instead toward the balcony, where Tifa could see Merlin and the Fairy Godmother talking.

**..:-X-:..**

"Really? Really. Uh huh." Tifa crooned the next morning, twiddling with the telephone's cord as she talked to Aerith on the phone. "Did they kiss or anything?"

"They're just talking right now." Aerith replied, on her cell phone and trying to be discreet where she was sitting on the perimeter wall of the Marketplace, having spotted the two magicians talking at an outdoor café.

"I mean last night." Tifa asked.

She had had to leave early after Leon lost the ability to walk straight. She had no idea what McCallister had put in those drinks…but she needed to get that recipe written down. He had been so amusing and entertaining before he passed out, that she hadn't even gotten a chance to fulfill her promise to him for helping her hook up Merlin and the Fairy Godmother.

"No, at least I didn't see them." Aerith remarked. "Although, Jake turned up this morning with that earring that I lost."

"Where did he find it?" Tifa perked up.

"I was too afraid of the answer to ask."

"Smart girl." Tifa snickered, hearing a body stirring in the living room.

Leon abruptly sat up, half of his hair sticking up in ungodly directions from lying on his side all night on the couch. The upholstery had left indentations on his face, and there was a spectacular bruise coming in over his eyebrow from where he'd taken a header into the front door on the way inside the house.

"Ah, I gotta go." Tifa told Aerith. "Sleeping Beauty just woke up. Keep me posted if anything develops."

"Right-o."

Tifa hung up and sauntered into the living room, planted her hands on her hips, and looked at her husband. "Sleep well?"

He grimaced, squinting his eyes. "Stop yelling."

She snorted and folded her arms. "You got plastered last night."

"No I didn't." He grumbled, trying to flatten his hair.

"You went swimming in the fountain with Private McCallister, and then you dared any man there to a competition of who could eat the most crab legs." She said flatly.

Leon looked up at her, "With McCallister?"

"…not by her choice. You sort of…dragged her." Tifa said.

"Great." He rubbed his face and then looked down. "Where are my pants?"

"I have no idea." She answered honestly.

He climbed off the couch and staggered slightly. "I need to take a shower…or throw up…maybe both."

"Well, shoo, then." She waved him toward the stairs.

**..:-X-:..**

"Sounds like I really missed a party." Cloud said later that afternoon.

"Yeah," Aerith remarked. "Where were you, anyway?"

"I'm not much into dancing." He said flatly.

"There were nearly three girls per one guy. Jake Alms had to dance with every single one of us." She pushed.

Cloud snickered, "Yeah, I heard about your earring."

"Hey, at least he tried." Aerith folded her arms hotly, sitting beside him on the couch at Merlin's house.

The front door opened before he could retort, and the Fairy Godmother entered the house. She walked in, almost sneakily, and started when she saw Cloud and Aerith on the couch. The three of them just stared at each other for a beat.

"Oh, um, hello there, dears." The older woman giggled, "I didn't realize you were here. Is…Merlin…around?"

Aerith and Cloud, bug eyed, both wordlessly pointed toward the stairs, where Merlin had been in the second floor study. The Fairy Godmother sauntered toward the stairs.

"Thank you." She said sweetly, adjusting her blue robes as she headed upstairs.

As she disappeared to the second floor, Aerith and Cloud paused and then slowly looked at each other. Why had the Fairy Godmother looked so…giddy? What had that little adjustment been for? Had Tifa and Leon actually managed to pair the two up? And…more importantly…what were they doing upstairs?

"Do you wanna—" Cloud gestured to the front door.

"Yep." Aerith shot off the couch.

They crossed the living room and were quickly out of the house. They nearly bowled over Cid, who had been about to go inside.

"Hey, Cid, where ya going?" Aerith prompted.

Cid lifted an eyebrow, putting out the butt of his cigarette. "Inside. Where you two runnin' off in such a hurry?"

"Oh…nowhere." Cloud shifted awkwardly.

"I wouldn't…go in there…" Aerith said delicately. "There are…old people and…feelings…going on." She gestured vaguely.

Cid lifted his other eyebrow and glanced toward the house. The pieces seemed to click into place and he cursed, tapping a fresh cigarette out of his pack.

"Well, maybe that explains why there's a pair of pants in the fountain at the square…"

**..:-X—:..**

**A/N:** Next chapter is the last one, filling the final prompt!


	30. After the End

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, its characters or storyline. This collection is mine, as are McCallister, Mikayla, and James. This is the final chapter for this collection and the final prompt fulfillment. It is set around a year and a half after my other story **_**T Minus One Year**_**, and around one year after the sequel to TM1Y, titled **_**Sentient Midnight**_**. Due to this, there are some spoilers/teasers sprinkled throughout this final chapter. It's mostly subtext and teasing though. Enjoy!**

**..:-X-:..**

**030 – After the End**

(For Caterina; Prompt: 'Cloud looks after a kid for a while.')

Cloud kept his eyes narrowed and gazing hard at his opponent, moving the tiny metal hat six spaces forward around the perimeter of the game board. His opponent remained just as impassive, arms folded on the edge of the table, watching his every move. The eight year old boy had an unbelievable poker face, but as soon as Cloud set his game piece down a final time—

"That's 50 munny. Pay up." The kid beamed.

Cloud hummed in annoyance and forked the blue paper munny over. "I passed Go, so give me my 200, squirt."

The child, James, happily did so, having assumed the banker role since the beginning of the game hours ago.

"Why are you so smug?" Cloud took his 200. "It's just 50."

"Yeah, but you land on it every single time, dude!" James snickered.

Cloud grumbled. This was a stupid game.

James took up the dice with both hands, shaking them. The eight year old had turned up in Radiant Garden's main town that morning. Seemingly out of nowhere, Cloud had become suspicious when he spotted the boy talking to every stranger that he came across, pointedly so. Being a stranger himself, the kid had eventually hailed him as well, bombarding him with questions. James was an orphan from a children's home in the second largest town of Radiant Garden. He had run away and managed to make his way here to find his birth parents.

After the end of the war over a year ago, the return of the impassable walls surrounding the worlds had caused a population surge in Radiant Garden. The main town had grown seemingly overnight, as people were returned to their home worlds and wound up stuck there. Now, there were nearly five cities across the world of Radiant Garden. The original remained to be the largest and most populous, but the second town—from where James had come—was only just the second largest.

It was also a six hour train ride away, which made James' little trip both impressive and terrifying to think about. But, Cloud mused as James did one of those elaborate dice dances to bring him luck on the roll, the kid seemed pretty normal. A little outgoing for a kid his age, and kind of a smart mouth, but a good kid. Cloud had been keeping an eye on him most of the afternoon while Aerith made frantic calls to locate where the boy belonged, and James hadn't spoken once poorly of the orphanage where he came from, nor given any negative reason as to why he had run away.

He just wanted to find his parents.

Well, if anybody could understand that, the Restoration Committee could understand that.

"Will you just roll already?" Cloud said, finally exasperated.

"Okay, okay, keep your pants on." James chucked the dice across the board.

The first one came to a dead stop after two bounces in the free parking area on the board. The second one, however, took a rebellious roll off the edge of the table and plopped to the floor.

"Ah!" Cloud snapped as James went to fetch it. "Play it as it lands."

"Aw, c'mon!' James complained. "It went under the couch!"

"You made me play that five that went behind the computer," Cloud shot back. "It's legitimate."

James grumbled and they both leaned away from the table, looking at the fallen die.

"Four." Cloud announced, snatching it up and setting it back on the board.

The kid moved his metal car piece the appropriate number of spaces, and it came to rest directly on the corner for the free parking.

"Yes!" James scooped the pile of munny toward him from the center.

"Wait." Cloud counted his spaces backward, just in case James had cheated on his move, but he hadn't. "Ugh…that was lucky."

James proceeded to hop out of his chair and do a little victory dance, mostly consisting of a bad Robot impersonation. Cloud regarded him flatly, tempted to trip him just to teach him a lesson. James was almost as bad a winner as Tifa was at video games.

The door to Merlin's house opened, and Tifa walked in. Her and Leon's two year old daughter Mikayla trailed after her, holding her mother's hand.

"Speak of the devil." Cloud pushed his chair away from the table, but didn't stand.

"Oh?" Tifa prompted, "Surely you weren't talking about me."

"No, but I was reminded of you—" He gestured to James, who abruptly stopped his ridiculous dancing at the woman's entrance.

"Y'know, he might be a better dancer than me." Tifa smirked. "What's your name, kiddo?"

"James." The kid introduced, suddenly behaving like a gentleman.

"Nice to meet you, James." Tifa greeted. "I'm Tifa."

James regally took her hand and shook it.

Cloud rolled his eyes and sat forward, abruptly spreading his arms and shouting in an intentionally gravelly voice. "Mikayla!"

The little girl smiled and darted from her mother's side. She ignored James and pounced up onto Cloud. He scooped her up and held her tightly. Then he started the routine that he had used on her since she had learned how to walk.

"Wait!" He continued in that gravelly voice. "This looks like a little girl! Cloud Monster likes eating little girls!" He started making nom-nom noises into her neck.

Mikayla squealed and thrashed against him. "Clou…Clou, stahppit!" She shrieked.

Tifa remained where she was, arms folded. "Are you done?"

Cloud straightened Mikayla up on his lap, resuming his normal voice. "Yep."

"Great…So, would you mind watching Mikayla for a while? I've got a meeting, and Leon got called in to talk to Aerith about something."

"Was it this something?" Cloud gestured to James.

Tifa lifted her shoulders, "I'm not sure, but he almost left a Leon-shaped hole in the door on his way to meet her. Whatever it is, it's serious."

Cloud nodded, "I don't mind. I'm just watching this squirt until Aerith gets back anyway."

"I'm not a squirt!" James sounded indignant.

"Squir!" Mikayla pointed.

"Mikayla, that's not nice." Tifa reprimanded lightly.

Mikayla snickered and just turned her face up to look at Cloud, who stuck his tongue out at her.

Tifa exhaled, "All right, well, I'll call you when I get out."

"Right-o." He saluted with one hand, keeping an arm around the little girl with the other.

"And…behave. You too, Mikayla. Be good." Tifa blew her a kiss. "I'll be back soon."

And with that, she left, closing the door after herself.

"Okay, you win." Cloud nodded toward the board.

"No, I didn't. I just got the pot!" James gestured to his unsorted mountain of munny.

"Close enough." Cloud said.

He hated losing, but he more wanted to clear away the tiny game pieces that the two year old Mikayla might be tempted to put into her mouth.

James groaned dramatically but started putting away the munny…by the fistful.

"Hey, hey, Banker," Cloud stopped him. "You have to sort it out. You can't just toss it in there pell-mell."

"Why not? S'the way we clean it up at the orphanage." He piped up.

"Well, this is Leon's set. He's a little…ferocious when it comes to organizing things."

"Tch, is he your brother or something?"

"Just a good friend." Cloud clarified. "And you take care of your friends' stuff, right?"

"I guess so." James begrudgingly started sorting the munny correctly by color. "Was that your wife or something?"

"No…just another good friend." He clarified again.

"So…do you have any brothers or sisters?" James pressed.

"No." Cloud replied, standing and setting Mikayla on the floor.

"Do you have any kids?" James asked.

"…No." Cloud faltered with that answer, putting the lid back on the game box.

Though it wasn't for lack of trying. He and Aerith had been married for nearly a year now, and with the end of the war and the return to a peaceful Radiant Garden, they had decided to start trying to have a child. That decision had been two months ago, but nothing so far had happened. The doctor had said it would take time, but both Cloud and Aerith had figured that it wouldn't have taken this long. Being Mikayla's godparents and also frequently babysitting her or otherwise being around her, it was constantly on their minds.

"Oh." James muttered, "So you don't have any family around either, huh?"

Cloud looked at him. "Not by blood, no. But I have friends that are even closer to me than brothers or sisters or parents. They are my family."

James didn't look entirely placated by that, but he didn't press further.

Over the next few hours, Cloud managed to keep James occupied with video games and Mikayla with some of the plethora of her toys that had ended up loitering at Merlin's during her visits. However, by mid-afternoon, the little girl had conked out on the couch, and James had his nose in a puzzle book. Cloud figured he had had worse babysitting days…

His cell phone buzzed and he snatched it up on the second ring. The caller ID said it was Aerith.

"Hey, what's the news?" He greeted.

"Come outside." Her voice was strained.

Red alert immediately went off in his head, and Cloud sat up from his seat. "Are you—"

"Just…right now, please." She said tersely.

Concerned, Cloud stood, looking to James. "I'll be right back. I need to take this call outside."

James bobbed his head and got back to his word search.

Cloud stepped outside of Merlin's front door and found Aerith standing there, holding her phone to her ear and nibbling on her thumb nail. They both hung up the phone, and Cloud crossed over to her.

"Is everything okay?" He asked.

"No. I mean…it's not…there's nothing 'wrong', but…" Aerith was pale and she looked shaken.

Cloud didn't push her immediately, but after a quiet moment asked. "Tifa said you called Leon."

"Yeah. He's…" Aerith drew a calming breath and looked at him, more collected now. "I had to go over the records with him, since she was his soldier for so long…but the paperwork didn't lie and…I've never seen him go so pale so fast, Cloud…I had to call Tifa out of her meeting just to calm him down."

Utterly confused now, Cloud touched her arm. "What are you talking about?"

Aerith glanced toward the window to Merlin's house. "We found his parents. Well, his mother. There's no father on his birth certificate, and the orphanage said he's never been adopted before."

"Aerith," Cloud said clearly. "What did you find out?"

She looked up at him painfully. "James' last name is McCallister." She said quietly. "Tabaeus was his mother."

The bottom fell out of Cloud's stomach. "She had a child? I never knew—"

"Neither did I. She didn't tell us. She didn't tell anyone, not even Leon." Aerith ran a hand across her hair. "He's a wreck, Cloud. This just brings back all the memories of what happened, and—"

Cloud put his arms around her then, pulling her close. "I know."

Aerith didn't break down or cry, but she just reciprocated the embrace. "What are we supposed to tell James? That poor boy travelled all this way to find his parents…How are we supposed to tell him…"

She trailed away, and Cloud couldn't think of anything to say.

James was eight years old. Private Tabaeus McCallister had joined the Allied Radiant Garden military roughly seven years ago. That would mean that she had enlisted almost immediately after giving birth to him. He had been in an orphanage ever since, going through who knows what with the war going on and especially the massacre near the end of the war…

"Do we know why she gave him up?" He asked after a moment.

"No." Aerith shook her head against his shoulder. "Nothing. I scoured all of the documentation, but there's no reason listed or any kind of reason that I can figure out. She was financially stable and when I spoke with her family after the war…they seemed like very understanding people who couldn't have kicked her out for getting pregnant out of wedlock…"

"So she was never married." Cloud tried to find logic.

"No, but she was only 19." Aerith straightened, rubbing her jaw. "Maybe she just wasn't ready—"

They would never know, and it wasn't like they could ask Tabaeus, Cloud thought, but he kept that thought to himself. It would be too painful for Aerith for him to say out loud. The only people who would possibly understand Tabaeus McCallister well enough to even begin to answer those questions were Jake Alms and Leon. Jake hadn't spoken to any of them since the end of the war, and for Leon, McCallister was a very, VERY tender subject.

"James is a smart kid." Cloud finally said. "And he's her kid, so he's going to figure it out whether we tell him or not. He can handle it."

"But we can't send him back to that orphanage. Tabaeus was one of us. That would be like sending Mikayla away if something were to happen to Leon and Tifa." Aerith looked overwhelmed.

"We'll figure something out." Cloud assured her. "I'll talk to him. Mikayla is sleeping on the couch. Could you watch her while I—"

"Of course." Aerith nodded fervently.

Cloud drew a deep breath and exhaled slowly, heading back into Merlin's house. "Hey…squirt."

James looked up, armed with a comeback about being called 'squirt', but his expression grew serious when he saw Cloud's face and registered his suddenly-somber tone.

God, Cloud realized now that he knew, James looked like her.

"What is it?" James closed the puzzle book, standing from his seat. "Did you find my parents?"

Even as he asked it though, Cloud could see that the kid already suspected the answer.

"Let's go for a walk." Cloud nodded his head toward the Borough. "You've been in Radiant Garden Main Town all day and all you've seen is the inside of this dusty old place." He started to smile, but couldn't make it happen.

James looked suspicious, but he crossed over and stepped out of Merlin's house, eying Aerith as he spotted her. "Hello, ma'am."

Aerith swallowed and did manage a smile. "Hi, there, sweetie. I'm Aerith."

James looked to Cloud, "So is THIS one your wife?"

It was a defensive maneuver of conversation that Cloud knew all too well, and he had to give the kid a rough snort for his efforts.

"Yes." He acknowledged.

Aerith chuckled dryly and ruffled James's hair, giving Cloud a strengthening look before going into the cottage to watch Mikayla. Cloud looked down at James, who was staring determinedly at the Bailey wall while trying to appear nonchalant and casual.

"C'mon, let's start this way," Cloud nodded to the right, "The Restoration Site is a good place to start."

"You know, you aren't very subtle." James muttered as they started walking.

Cloud paused, looking at the top of James's head. The kid deserved a straight answer. "Sorry, James…Let me start again…" He inhaled. "Your mother was probably one of the bravest women I've ever met. She was a soldier in the Alliance. One of the best. Do you remember when the darkness came at the end of the war…"

**..:-X-:..**

**A/N:** Thus concludeth this collection.

It's been a blast writing these prompts for you guys. I hope that it was an entertaining read. Thanks for all the awesome requests and feedback. For more Restoration Committee shorts, check out my chronological Alliance-verse collection _T Minus One Year_. TM1Y is a lead-in collection to an upcoming trilogy that I'm mapping out, part one of which will be titled _Sentient Midnight_. This trilogy will wrap up my Kingdom Hearts Alliance universe, after nearly four years of writing on it…Should be a good time.

Thanks for reading!


End file.
